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How to deal with clicky environments and meetings & feel comfortable anywhere

In a room full of people you can just as easily feel totally alone or totally loved – every one can have an impact on that.

I attended a business-focused event and was having a great time when someone next to me whom I’d been chatting to for a little while admitted that it was “rather a clicky group”. People I don’t know have a habit of sharing their real feelings and intimate thoughts with me, perhaps because one of the skills I’m lucky to possess as a coach is that people feel like “they’ve known me for years.” You could tell this was the case on this occasion because the person I was talking to looked shocked that they’d basically admitted their true feelings on this organisation to what was for all intense purposes a complete stranger! The look of horror on their face summed it up. They were worried they’d be accused of being rude or disrespectful to the organsiation or of being a gossip.

I smiled to put their mind at rest that their thoughts were safe with me and added that having hosted thousands of events and worked with thousands of teams it can be hard to stop people from becoming a bit clicky. 

(Clicky is when some people seem to have “in jokes” and seem not to notice the bemused looks on other people’s faces as they feel on the outside and feel a little ousted from the inner workings of the group. It can be damaging to businesses, organisation and groups in many ways.) 

This person looked intrigued and I explained how as humans we need to feel connected and respected. It dates back to first civilisations that we chose to be together. We walk into a room and its natural to want to feel wanted and liked. It is also very similar to when you are training a group of people. You aim to get them to behave as a group, to share confidently and comfortably, knowing their views are as valid as anyone else’s.

It is traditionally known as norming, storming and performing in training; the steps you take a group through to successfully work together. The issue can arise when some of the group become well connected or are natural communicators and others are not. 

Here are my top tips for dealing with clicky environments;

It’s not their fault – Not everyone notices clicky environments. Some people can be oblivious to the way people are feeling and therefore unable to alter the way they communicate and act or encourage others to either. Therefore firstly, accept that just because you notice the “atmosphere” some will not. Being sensitive to these things can be a good thing, so accept that you have an ability to care about other people’s feelings in any environment. It could also be that because they are on “the inside” and feel comfortable it doesn’t bother them, whatever the reason it is not imagined and if it is making you feel a certain way what can you do about it?

Choice – do you have a choice to be there?

Sometimes you can choose to move on and be with other people and sometimes you’ve no choice but to find a way through these environments. Before you consider what you can choose to do about clicky environments ask yourself if you need to actually be a part of them?

Is there the option to have the confidence to walk away? This may be walking away emotionally and not physically.

FATE – This is about Feelings, Actions, Thoughts and Emotions. So, before you attend somewhere that you know is likely to be clicky and its likely to make you feel a certain way remember this acronym. And here’s why;

First of all work out what result you want from being in this group?

Do you want to be heard, gain knowledge, new business, connections?

Have the end in your mind before you even get there.

Then consider how you will want to feel and what emotions you would like to experience.

To help with the answer to this consider how you normally feel in this group;

What emotions does it create?

Do you start to feel inadequate? Self-conscious? Worried? Nervous?

What happens then?

How does that impact on the way you feel and the emotions you feel?

Do you feel sad? Lacking in energy? Unable to focus? Upset?

Think about what you usually feel in this environment and then ask yourself what would the opposite feelings and emotions that I’d like to feel be like?

Lastly what actions will you need to take to be able to get the result you want to?

The answer to this is not the first 5 things that come into your head, I suggest you write a long long list of possibilities, include random ideas, sensible ones and ones that seem too bizarre to even include, for instance;

  • Wear ear defenders so you can’t hear them.
  • Get on the table and start dancing so you are the centre of the attention instead.
  • Introduce yourself to the clickiest group and ask them questions to engage with them.
  • Imagine you are a superhero and have a super protective suit that protects you from negativity and negative emotions.

These may seem like daft ideas; however, it is in the space that you create to come up with ideas that your mind will help create actions that could work for you. I had one client who was severely bullied in the workplace and just imagining a protective bubble around their desk stopped them from hearing or feeling the insults. They went on to run the entire department!

Whose the boss – It’s not always appropriate or you could feel that you wouldn’t be taken seriously, or be ridiculed (consider how professional an environment is this if they do not treat a guest concerns appropriately?) however as someone who hosts events if I felt there was someone in the room that was not getting maximum benefit from the event I’d be devastated, so I am sure many organisers would feel the same (See also the top tip below). This will come down to gauging the group and hosts interaction with each other. If appropriate advise the person in charge, that you would like to share some feedback if that is appropriate to give. That way the conversation remains their responsibility and their choice whether they wish to learn from it.

If you are the person in charge and you are confronted with this knowledge or become aware of clicky behaviour there are a number of things you can do.

1. People that project clicky behaviour are likely to feel comfortable interjecting and chatting amongst themselves throughout the meeting, as the organiser you can ensure that you give a polite reminder to listen considerately to each other at the start of the session. Or something along the lines of “It’s great to see so many of you here today, let’s show our new guests how welcoming we are, and we’re really interested to learn more about you and your work.”

You are basically suggesting that you would like consideration and a standard of respect from everyone in the room, however in a way that does not place blame or guilt on any party.

2. You can change your tonality and pitch if you have someone in the group who insists on creating that clicky feeling by interrupting etc. A dog like a child doesn’t necessarily understand what has been said but speak quieter or louder and they get the message just as clearly. It is not about shouting if anything a quieter tone with the appropriate pauses can be just as dramatic and powerful. 

Knowing the ground rules – As the host or as the guest knowing the boundaries and ground rules can help. If you have been attending an event or meeting for a long time it can be easy to forget what is the standard that is expected and as humans who we’ve already established like to connect and be liked, we are not keen on confrontation or pointing out mistakes (did you know in the UK according to YouGov that 34% of people would never or rarely complain about their food if they weren’t happy, they just wouldn’t eat there again!) So, we really do like to keep the peace, as such if the rules of the group are naturally mentioned it can take the tension out of the request for a fair environment.

This article first appeared in Thrive Global, 14th February 2018.

  • December 14, 2020

In my first article for The Human Resources Report I outline how to control the uncontrollable.

In a time before elections, Brexit and pandemics we still had a global issue impacting on the world’s economy; Stress.
A WHO led
 study estimated that depression and anxiety disorders cost the global economy $1 trillion each year in lost productivity. (1) Stress can be caused when we feel like we are losing control, so when you face something so big it’s completely out of your control what can you do about it?
I’m going to share how to control the uncontrollable. A great example would be company A who in the first lock down reduced their absenteeism for their team of 250+ to zero and they said it was “In no small part down to our coaching with you.” I don’t share this so you think I’m awesome I share to prove the uncontrollable can be controlled.
When people feel like they can’t control a situation it can lead to stress, guilt, anxiety and many other negative emotions, put that in the working environment, and I’ve seen it cause;

  • Grapevine mentality.
  • Reduced productivity.
  • Over working and burnout.
  • Micromanagement.
  • Illness
  • Bullying.
  • Them and Us mentality.
  • Defeatism.
  • Anger management issues.
  • Poor teamwork.
  • Lack of creativity.
  • And possibly worse of all a drop in profitability and sustainability for the company.


LET’S LOOK AT WHAT YOU CAN DO:
IS IT TRUE?

Working from home has featured in many coaching sessions this year often with clients stating there’s “Nothing I can do about this” or (my pet hate) “It is the way it is.” When I hear this statement, I know that this is not the case and that it’s the root cause of why the organisation is experiencing issues or not growing as they’d like.
So, the first thing you need to do is challenge what you believe to be true. Statements like;

  • I had to send those emails.
  • It’s always happened like that.
  • It wouldn’t work any other way.
  • I must work that many hours to get it all done.

These are signs that you need to challenge what’s believed to be true. You don’t try and stop the sun rising? Why, because you know it to be out of your control. Do you try and get out of the way of a stampeding bull? Why, because you believe you have control.

These are 2 obvious examples however at work they are more subtle and they are the statements that no one pays attention to. So, learn to!

GET CREATIVE

When you find the hidden beliefs in your organisation your brain will instantly come to your aid with solutions, the tragedy is that these are rarely the right ones. When coaching a team at this stage it is only on page 2 or even page 3 of a flip chart will we discover the really powerful solutions. The reason?

YOUR BRAIN LIKES TO PROVE YOU RIGHT.

So when you say 1 plus 1, it’s already proudly given you the answer. This stops you from finding new more productive ways of working since your brain wants to keep you safe – believing you’ve done all you can and there’s nothing that can be done.

It gets some raised eyebrows when I get people to think with a magic wand. “If you could do anything to fix this, regardless of cost, time, skill what would you do? If bringing Elvis back from the dead would help, we’ve got magic so what would you do?”

This gets people laughing (Or embarrassed for me – that’s all good – challenging your beliefs is tough) and more relaxed so it’s easier to deal with challenges at work when you don’t feel responsible for them. If you are going to use this tool, ensure you ask follow up questions like;

  • “And what would that give you?”
  • “And why would you benefit from that?”
  • Or “And what would that lead to?”

This is where the powerful ideas are!

SHARED GOALS – ACCEPTED AND APPRECIATED DIFFERENCES

In a company you’ll have those that are predominantly interested in the end result, those that are interested that it delivers to your customers what was promised and those that want to ensure it comes on budget.

Trying to get them to think differently won’t work and can cause a lot of stress as different departments feel they have no control over the outcome.

Enabling everyone to appreciate their different views and priorities and how they come to together for the result helps reduce stress, which leads us on to a massive issue when we feel we lack control..

COMMUNICATION RULES

By now you can see that control is not always about control but your perception of it. When you bring everyone together to a common goal that they feel invested in it can be hard to not end up with email mountains. I’ve never seen a team I couldn’t reduce their workload for. Time management improves and staff get happier when they don’t feel like they are constantly chasing their tail to do everything for everyone.
As a company create communication rules. (Go back to the crazy magic wand idea to achieve this.) They can include;

  • No emails to be sent on a Friday afternoon – stops the Sunday night panic to get ahead of the game.
  • Stop blanket “what do I do” emails and encourage “Here’s 3 solutions which would work best” emails?
  • Open door policy applies, Thursday afternoon is quiet afternoon – only email/call if it cannot wait – urgent.
  • Is it really urgent or are you trying to move it from your desk?

These aren’t comfortable conversations, but they help restore a sense of control. If…

BOUNDARIES

Are enforced. Enforced sounds like a harsh word however to restore a sense of control in any environment if everyone creates the rules, everyone lives by them.

If after a few weeks you discover the rules aren’t working for you, don’t be frightened to go through the process again and see what’s working and what needs to alter.

A team of researchers from the University of Illinois studied occupational stress and employee well-being, those who have greater “boundary control” over their work and personal lives were better at creating a stress buffer that helped protect them from falling into a negative-rumination trap. (2) and research also teaches us that those that feel like they are respected, and part of the process are usually 90% more committed to a positive result, so it’s a process worth investing in.

And lastly, we all know that trying to have complete control is a cause of stress, therefore by lowering that need for control you can become more in control – ironic right?

Check out Polarity management by Barry Johnson PHD (3), his theory on managing uncontrollable situations has featured in more than a few coaching sessions. he teaches you a more powerful way to see the uncontrollable, instead of trying to control it, work on balancing it and says “those that develop the ability to distinguish between solvable problems and unsolvable polarities and have the ability to respond effectively to each will outperform those who can’t distinguish between them and who try to address all issues from a problem solving perspective.”

The good news for you and your team is that no matter what the future may throw at you and let’s be honest after this year it could be anything, with these skills you are ready for anything, resilient with an adaptive mindset ready to embrace the uncontrollable.

(1) https://www.who.int/teams/mental-health-and-substance-use/mental-health-in-the-workplace

(2) https://www.mdadvices.com/ArticleDetails/3/control-over-work-life-boundaries-creates-crucial-buffer-to-manage-after-hours-work-stress

(3) https://amzn.to/3m5SYaT

  • December 11, 2020

A coaching journey

Here the wonderful Sheena Ramgobin talks about why she came to me for coaching that started in March 2020. Sheena is very vocal about her experience of coaching and keen to ensure others reach their true potential too. I asked Sheena 5 questions about our time together.

What was the reason you decided to work with Mandie?

 I had watched Mandie for a while on social media before I approached her on the phone, I liked her honesty, down to earth approach, says it as it is. She knew what she was talking about, not puffed up, no false promises, just plain old fashioned honesty, trust, and a clear ability to understand you the person.

What were you looking to achieve?

I wanted to get all my ideas, all my dreams and wishes out of my head         and for someone to help me understand where I should start, help me structure the journey and give me direction.

Most of all have someone understand my purpose and add clarity. With Mandie I could be honest with my feelings, what my fears were. I always knew I had a unique business but had spent years procrastinating. I was desperate to find someone who was aligned to my values who could help me. I was desperate to help more people but I needed a plan, helping others to grow and being in-service to others was key, but I had to have a business plan as a  foundation so that could I learn and grow

How did you feel about the coaching process?

It was if someone had opened my brain and performed surgery, and sorted my head out!

I had space to think and create from a business mindset. It was as if by some magic, I was awakened and was on fire ready to take action at long last. The outcome was a mind map of all my wishes, dreams, plans, actions.

Something had clicked into place. To elevate my plans I needed a safe resting ground to thrash it out. That’s what Mandie gave me and pure honesty from a deep place of love for helping others.

Was there anything that surprised you?

Mandie listened to me talk a hundred miles an hour and managed to absorb every little detail, unravel it and come up with a plan that was to rocket me over the rainbow.

What results do you feel the coaching gave you?

In a nutshell an awakening that shifted me from procrastination into action, and I haven’t stopped taking action every single day!! As a result I’m able to help more people and give all my love to my purpose every single day.

How will the coaching impact on your future?

It has already!

I wanted to achieve everything all in one go, but I went back to the coaching plan and that is my guiding compass to get back on track.

My results have been outstanding and absolutely amazing. Sales mountain was key, I’ve gone from creating products from £5 to £975 and I’m booking into next year. My Profit from end of March 2020 when I saw Mandie to now is £10,000+. I never thought this was possible. Mandie’s Sales Mountain only worked because she understood my purpose, she totally got me.

This is only just the beginning!! Now I can reinvest that money into helping others, I already have clients from abroad who have found my brand in such a short period of time. I am so grateful and forever blessed t have crossed Mandie’s path.

What would you say to anyone considering coaching with Mandie?

Absolutely 100% do it now, don’t wait, time is precious. You will be left with a feeling that I can only describe as an awakening, Mandie is the catalyst you need to power you up to success. She is a guiding compass. She is a coach for life, always there for you no matter what. She believes in you, she is your number one supporter, she invests so much love and time in you and the journey. You’re never on your own.

SheenaShanti

Thank you Sheena for sharing your coaching journey with my audience. To have a chat direct with Sheena you can contact Sheena here.

To start your personal and professional growth email me here or contact me at (44) +7989 935556 It would be my honour to help you achieve great things too.

  • November 12, 2020

How to appreciate your awesomeness and it’s power to your success

In this short video I share a strategy I use with clients from individuals wanting to get in that board room or wanting to grow their small business so it doesn’t kill them off and they achieve the results they always dreamed of through to large teams of amazing people all working for one organisation with different views, skills, specialities, fears, obstacles and beliefs.

Often some look at me like I’ve suggested the fluffliest most pointless exercise ever. However even they get on board when they see the results it brings. Never underestimate the power of what goes on in your head.

This coaching strategy will help you take control over what goes on in your mind. If you want more my new book is all about Taking Control Of Your Mind – Lifehacks to resilience, happiness and success. Buy it here or get in touch, I’d love to hear from you.

  • November 12, 2020

Dealing with pressures on you and your team

There has never been more pressures on you and your team. Since March I’ve seen these issues increasing in teams and I’ve enabled them to create solutions to be adaptable, resilient, creative, less stressed and more productive.

Issues include;

  • A dip in confidence and more of the dreaded imposter syndrome – in my experience the imposter syndrome can be fixed in 1 x 2 hour session. Click here to download the free eBook on fixing your Imposter Syndrome. And this website is packed with solutions to boost your confidence – not least this course. It is essential you deal with your staff and your own confidence issues because I see it impact on so many areas of business and performance.
  • Overwhelm and emotional staff.
  • Fire fighting and a need to find all the solutions for your team – a reduced ability to feel safe to think for themselves.
  • Working too many hours.
  • Increased responsibilities and demands on you and your teams time.
  • Feeling guilty for not answering the phone or email straight away or taking breaks.
  • A growing malignant acceptance that “This is just the way it is” and “We can’t do anything about it.”
  • The boundary between personal and professional so blurred it’s hard to focus and meet deadlines or targets.

Here I will share advice, coaching strategies and further reading for you and your team to enable you to thrive in these working from home, challenging times.

Core essentials – How to achieve more every day with your team

Use this article to look at the what you, your team and organisation stand for. You need to accept and utilise the power of the science of each individual so you can then help them all to go down the same path but honouring the person they are. Sounds impossible right? With 1 concentrating on budgets, another on customer experience and another on KPI’s?

However when you can see how everyone thinks, acts, works and they see how you think, act, work, you can create a strategy that enables everyone.

This is critical in these challenging times so that people feel honoured and respected. Listened to and safe to say “Help!” or “What do you mean by that?” or “Can I make a suggestion on a better way here?”

Those water cooler moments are missing from our fast paced zoom/team overloaded days. This helps re-establishes these essential office ethics.

Mandie Holgate

You can use this article to help your team to understand how they manage their time and what they deem to be essential/urgent/the priority. Which leads us on to…

Not enough hours in your day? The 10 day week

This is something I created for a client who told me it didn’t matter if they had 10 days in a week their boss would still fill it! When we looked at their list of tasks we could see that there were tasks that were assumed to be essential that actually weren’t. We often add things to our to do list that honour who we are. So for instance if you are someone that worries what others will think, you are likely to spend valuable time emailing people when it is not necessary. A solution could be a quick word in the next meeting, establishing expected boundaries and you instantly could be saving time.

Got someone that copies everyone into everything? Have you considered they lack confidence and don’t want to risk upsetting the team or letting you down? Seeing things from a new perspective usually removes at least 25% of most people’s deemed essential tasks.

If you can’t find anything, then its’ highly likely you are assuming you have to do everything and there is not a better way.

There is, you just haven’t explored this to a deep enough level yet to discover it. This article explores what those hidden issues may be.

  • Exploratory questions to ask yourself and your team to help understand how productive people are with their time.
  • Who is setting the plan?
  • Are you reactive or proactive?
  • Does your plan of action have space for additional tasks or is every day packed? And why this is bad.
  • Is there agreed quiet hours in the working week? How are they discussed, planned and observed?
  • How will you review what actions you take and adjust accordingly?

How to keep you and your team motivated and productive

When you are all heading down the same path to the same goal research says that your team are far more likely to rise to any challenge when they feel like they helped create the plans and actions. (They will even do this with no pay rise as long as fundamental things like gratitude and respect are practiced – see we aren’t all money orientated?)

Therefore it’s imperative that you understand how to keep everyone (including yourself) motivated and productive, especially when they have to be self sufficient and work in an unnatural way to them. This article looks at how to achieve that, covering;

  • Company ethos and communication policies.
  • Boundaries and the confidence to speak up.
  • Company Goals.
  • How and why to stop panic and catastrophising.
  • How to create and handle change.
  • Creating the right level of structure for you – it won’t be the same for everyone and strategies to discovering what that looks like.
  • Science of being you.
  • Targets.
  • Checking in and mentoring.
  • Honesty not judgement; how to coach yourself and others.
  • I’m just going to….how dangerous those 4 words are to your productivity
  • Fear and lack of confidence – what you think they say and what they are really dealing with.
  • Mindset and working environment.
  • Commuting time is not owned by the company.
  • Learning on others and lastly warning signs.

It greatly concerns me that absenteeism is going to rise due to poor mental health causing many physical health problems as well as increased anxiety and depression. Did you know that mental health conditions cost UK Businesses £8 billion every year and that’s a pre-Covid 19 year!

Reducing absenteeism

Here in this article we explore key strategies I use with teams to help them create a mental health tool kit, revisiting some strategies that you may recognise. Learn not to fight who you are and how being honest and communicating your needs will lead to greater resilience and adaptability.

If you fear doing this then item 4. Looking at guilt will be essential. I’ve never seen guilt be good for a person. Some negative emotions and feelings can force us to find a more powerful and better way of working. I’ve never seen guilt do this for a single client.  https://www.mandieholgate.co.uk/howtoreduceabsenteeismtozero/

Team Spirit – how to kill it

And lastly when you face adversity and control seems to have been removed from your working life it can be hard to stay positive. Here we explore the key mistakes leaders make when engaging with their team and how to remove yourself from the equation so your team can be honest and get what they need at this challenging time.

I recommend that companies create a plan of action together. I usually hear it’s far harder to do in your organisation because you’ve got your own views, experiences, beliefs, values and expectations impacting on how you view what others see and feel. This often stops people from hearing what is actually going on, adding their own twist and perspection.

The above article will you help explore how different personalities may not fit well with yours and what you can do about it. (Without expecting a personality transplant!) It will help you explore better ways to phrase things and how if you aren’t dealing with these key areas that impact on what your team are saying and feeling can impact on inter departmental relationships, negativity and a feeling that we are all doomed!

No matter which articles you read or share with your team, ensure you don’t add more than a few actions on your plan to achieve it. 3 to 5 is plenty. It ensures momentum and continued accountability an action. This needs to also have a date in your diary to reflect and review.

A note on confidence

Ensure you don’t underestimate the dip in confidence can have on you and your team. There are so many articles on this site about boosting your confidence and what is the underlying cause it’s easier to use the magnifying glass to find what you need. Taking Control Of Your Mind and Fight the fear are 2 of my books that I know have a exceptionally high success rate in helping people build confidence, honour who they are get what they want in life.

Test and measure

By starting this process with “Where are we now?” you can look to see where the improvements are and aren’t and adapt your plan accordingly. I like a 1 to 10 scale. Because those that like the big picture right through to those that like the detail can get on board with this simple system.  Here is an example of one that was created for a team. A benchmark graph can be a visual tool that everyone has a copy of and can compare over the weeks. It leads to a great follow up session of questions like;

  • What did we notice?
  • What impacted on results?
  • Did you feel more in control?
  • Did this help you to be more productive?
  • Do you feel everyone was on board with this idea?

In this session the circles including the following words that mattered to them as leaders;

  • Communication/Listening/Message.
  • Visibility.
  • Honesty.
  • Flexibility.
  • Belief/Trust.
  • Availability.
  • Boundaries.
  • Knowledge.
  • Vision.
  • Consistency.
  • Authentic/Be Yourself.
  • Change.
  • Processes.
  • Resilience.

I would have added (personally but it wasn’t my list!)

  • Accountability.
  • Failure – the safety to.
  • Role model – influence the ability to.
  • Mindset.
  • Outsourcing, delegation, automation.

This is an depth study of many coaching sessions looking at leadership, time management, increased productivity, KPI’s and team relationships. Let me know how you get on and what additional opportunities you would like for you and your team. I’d be happy to explore how we best create this.

(44) 1206 381482

  • November 10, 2020

6 things to do for your business in a lock down

Do you feel like everyone knows how to make you more successful in this lockdown? Flashy sites and powerful words can pull you in, can’t they.

Do you want to know something shocking?

In the first lock down I was hearing from at least one person a week who had invested in some form of training, L and D or coaching for themselves and/or their team costing between £400 and £7500.

Not one was happy with the results. So to protect you, your business, your team and your profits here are some quick top tips on the right things to do for your business in a lock down.

1.            Big paper and big thinking.

The first thing to do is write the answers to lots of questions (If you have a team remember to let them all express their own view – it could give you critical advise on the fundamental areas to improve and how to achieve it). I like big pieces of paper, coloured pens and the phone turned off.

No distractions. Make this count. Your organisation may have additional questions to ask. I like to write this in the style of a mind map so you can break it down into these types of areas;

  • Our needs.
  • Our customers needs.
  • Threats to our business.
  • Concerns for our customers.
  • Areas for growth.
  • Management.
  • Growth.
  • Weaknesses – industry, company, me, team.

Ask these types of questions considering where you were going and how this may need to change due to the lockdown. And top tip – don’t think to the start of December 2020, think to the start of Dec 2021. It will make a far better growth mindset to your plan and make you far more resilient to whatever the next year holds. Questions could include (but not limited to);

  • What are our goals and plans for the next 12 months?
  • What obstacles do we face?
  • Where do we see the need to invest?
  • What does our team need?
  • What are our goals?
  • Who our customers?
  • What issues/problems do we solve?
  • What matters to our customers?
  • How do we find our customers?
  • What threats do we face? Company, individual, sales, growth, profit, productivity.

Before you consider anything else know where you are and how this may of changed in the new circumstances. Be mindful you have your own thoughts, believes and views on this – ensure you don’t bring them to the table without considering everyone else that is impacted. It will give you better answers and insights.

2.            Invest very carefully.

It’s amazing how many get rich quick, motivate your team from home, achieve 7 figure programs popped up in the first lock down. I saw people invest thousands and come to me devastated that nothing promised had worked. Don’t assume a big price tag means big results.

One size in my honest opinion does not fit all. The reason my coaching clients from micro businesses to large corporate teams achieve great things is because the coaching process is tailored to that very first session. No preset, pay me this much plan. Listen to what you face and creating a plan together.

To ensure you are getting what you need;

Ask for proof, reviews can be copied and made up (shocking but true) so ask to speak to customers they’ve worked with. I can put you in touch with large companies who we’ve helped their teams in multiple ways from board meetings and leadership skills to burn out and email mountains. And with sole traders who love their business again. I’ve helped on everything from working from home, burnt out and leadership to high profit with a non existent budget. A very diverse range of clients that’s achievable because ultimately its about the people in your organisation and helping them use their minds in the most powerful way to get the results you all want. This ensures it’s lasting. My clients learn how to coach themselves and their teams.

3.            What promises are you getting? I heard one business owner tell me they were told that the coaching would only be as good as the business owner. While I agree with this in principle if it’s not working what kind of coach, keeps taking your money? If you were working with me and we don’t see progress then we stop the coaching process to ask;

A)           For what reason are you not seeing progress, does our focus need to change or are you not in the right place to deal with this?

B)           Stop the coaching process – it’s not good for you or me. Wasting time and money.

The irony is that this guarantee means we always find the route cause of what is not working and find a plan to fix it. In all my years of coaching I’ve only stopped 2 coaching sessions. I wont dump you if it is not the right time I will be your confidante and friend via email and messenger and there when you are really ready. There’s lots of other ways I can support you too. In lock down I have only told 2 people that now is not the right time. Both had lost family members and needed time to heal before they invested in themselves and their businesses.

4.            Do you like them? Okay this is dangerous ground when it comes to me because most clients will look at me with a wish to impart daggers at me, but that’s good, my job is to challenge what you believe is possible and ensure you find powerful solutions that give you the best years trading ever. Happy teams and a successful happy professional life.

I love it when someone says “It is what it is” because never in my experience is that true. With creative thinking we always find a better way of working and thinking. Look for the assumptions you are making about lockdown and possibilities.

It’s impressive how being honest with clients has led to them achieving profits they didn’t think were possible and helping teams work on average 5 hours a week less and achieve more!

So check you like the person. Have a chat and be honest. If they spend more time talking than listening they are probably going to push you into a programme or model they use. These can work but not as powerful as coaching. Here’s my number for that chat – +44 1206 381 482

5. Test the results.

I like my clients to give me lots of indiciators of where they are at right now. These are obviously different for all businesses. They could be;

  • What are our profit margins?
  • How many hours additional are we having to work?
  • How confident do we feel about the future?
  • How happy do we feel in our ability to thrive in a lock down?
  • How successful is our sales funnel?
  • What is frustrating about our work?
  • How many new leads do we get each month?
  • What do we see happening in 2021 / 2022?

We then use these answers to start the process and find out what needs to be worked on, what will the priorities be (you can not do it all at once and ensuring you start in the right place ensures you get the results you want) and of course it ensures you know your coach is getting the results you want to get. My clients can request coaching reports. These make a great record of you and your companies progress and further learning and development opportunities. It’s a resource to refer back to, so you can ensure you continually improve and progress.

It can be too easy in times like these to stop spending and batten down the hatches. Research from every crash, bubble burst or recession show that those that invest now will have a bigger share of the market afterwards, there are more than a few clients who are making the highest profits in their careers and for the first time really enjoying their leadership role thanks to their time with me this year. I’m happy to have a chat anytime to see if you like me and could see us achieving great things together.

Lock down is not the time to shut down it’s surprisingly the perfect time to think big. Let me know how you get on. I have solutions from £5 to £5000. So yes I can fit most budgets.

  • November 5, 2020

How to make 500% more profit in 5 months

We all like proof don’t we, so here’s some. When I first realised the percentage of increase my coaching client had seen in their profits I had to check the figures. Could they really have increased profit by 500%?

The answer was yes and because I’m in a generous mood (I usually am) I thought I’d share the process we used.

If you are on a tight budget you are going to love this. At the end of the article I share how much they spent with me.

  1. First they had a coaching session with me (2 hours) they told me everything they had done, what was working and what was not. They were seriously fed up that they were spending so much time with each customer and couldn’t see how they could reduce that so they could make more money. They had to have a part time job to make up for the fact that their profit margins were so poor. They said they were busy fools and they’d had enough. I was their final straw. They’d already spent £5000 on training, agencies and support in the previous year and nothing had worked. They felt like a idiot for being duped by so called experts and gurus. Off loading is an essential part of development both personally and professionally. Never scrimp on this process, only do this with someone who is trained to support you and even if it is painful, work through it. When I work with a client I help them keep the emotions and feelings just out of reach, so they can feel them and work on them without suffering all over again.

2. At the end of the session the client had a clear plan of action. We looked at everything they could do, created a huge list of possibilities (I like to call these back burners) and then created the accountability to ensure they actioned everything on the plan. The action plan only had 4 tasks, a very clearly defined goal. A mindset check and a date by which each part would be achieved and what would happen next. If your action plan has more than 5 actions it is highly unlikely you would sit before me in a month’s time and tell you had achieved it. This then damages what you achieve moving forward. So don’t be tempted to add more than 5.

3. They joined my confidential mastermind group so even on a smaller budget they could access me 24/7 to get additional support, motivation and advice. You can join that here too, it’s only £5 a month and it would be great to welcome you, they are an amazing group of business owners. There’s no selling there it’s about asking for help, advice or ideas and people sharing their own experiences, knowledge and feelings about your business.

Within a week they reported that people weren’t just chatting to them on social media, they were now buying!

4. Their second session was 2 months after the first. They’d realised that they should have come back sooner because they were starting to get distracted. Web designers and digital marketing experts were distracting them telling them they needed ads and sites. At this stage it wasn’t important or necessary. Just a distraction. (Both of these feature in the future of the plans we’ve put together). I often find clients are overwhelmed with what they could do for business and in the coaching process we discover what they really need to do. Look for what distracts you – other people’s ideas or your own need for something shiny and new because you aren’t convinced this is working?

5. After the second session the client could see not just what was changing but work out how to replicate this and improve on it. We’ve started to create a Sales Mountain so that they can add entry level products right through to sparkly high price products that sell. There are even going to be automated offerings to really help them make a healthy profit.

We’ve set a huge goal to achieve by the end of 2020 and I know they can do this – with bells on. Whatever size goal you have, think bigger – in 16 years of coaching I’ve only ever seen one client that thought bigger enough. They are now a multi millionaire and had a 20 year plan.

6. The client came to see me in 2 months later for a third session (2 hours). They reported that they are near on fully booked and will be moving over to more group work and higher priced products in the final part of this year. We have looked at what that entails, who they need to talk to, how they need to talk to them and what they will be selling and introducing to existing clients and how to gain new custom. If you are doing what you were doing at the start of this year it is not going to be enough to be sustainable in 2021.

That’s it. 3 sessions, 6 hours and 24/7 support and they’ve a profit margin they love. That’s a cost of £1170. They had a full return on their investment in the first month. Add the 5 months of my mastermind group and it’s a TOTAL of £1195. Can you see why that client now likes to see me once every 6 weeks and tells everyone they know about me!

Just to bring home the truth on what coaching can do, this client has asked to work with me every 6 weeks and have 2 x half hour calls a month too. They’ve got the budget to reinvest in themselves and their businesses and are going to do this with me. That’s a monthly cost of £450.

If you would like to explore how coaching with me could help you, please do not hesitate to contact me. I work with individuals, business owners and large teams to help them get the most out of themselves and their businesses. We achieve amazing things together.

And if you have any of these sayings in your professional life, I’m very good at getting rid of them and it doesn’t take more people, money, equipment or meetings!;

  • We’ve always done it like this.
  • Nothing can change without more money.
  • They don’t get our job.
  • I’ve / We’ve tried everything.
  • I have no option but to work 12 to 14 hour days.
  • There is too much to be done.
  • It’s not achievable.
  • The new system just doesn’t work.
  • Working from home is killing our business.
  • Until the government does something there’s nothing that can be done.
  • It’s just the way it is.

To all of these we found a better more productive, profitable, kinder, respecter way of working that stops burnout, stress and illness as well as a poorly performing teams and businesses.

Call +44 7989 935 556

Or email me here

  • October 12, 2020

Why The Secret is not working for you

Can you really manifest anything you want?

If you’ve ever read about manifesting what you want in life (bear with me) or books like The secret you will know in principle you can bring anything into your life that you want.

Rhonda Bryne writes “Close your eyes and visualize having what you already want – and the feeling of having it already.” And “To change your life fast, use gratitude to shift your energy. When you put all of your energy into gratitude, you will see miracles take place in your life.”

Miracles right?

Whether you believe in this or not can I share with you how The Secret, manifesting, mantras, the universe and the law of attraction really works?

The perfect example is a new client I’ve only been working with for a few months. On their second session they shared how they weren’t able to get what they want. They heavily believe in the book The Secret and this client was ranting about how they can’t get what they want and things aren’t working and then I asked them;

“So you’ve told me what’s not working, has anything good happened since we last saw each other?”

They then went on to tell me about various things but that nothing was the opportunity or achieving their goal that they’d hoped for.

I asked them “So you couldn’t even engage with those people you really wanted to work with?”

They said, “Well no, it failed.”

As we explored this further and I asked more questions I listened and wrote down what they told me to be completely overwhelmed with how blind they’d been!

I said to them “To clarify the goal from our last session was to raise awareness to your company with these target audiences, to contact these people and tell them about the products on offer and to look into how to motivate your team without micro managing everything, right?”

They agreed.

I added “And you tell me nothing has worked?”

They agreed.

So I asked “So if nothing has worked why are there all these comments from people on your Facebook page and Instagram account? You tell me you’ve failed but you’ve had 2 conversations with the very people you want to talk to and work with. Not necessarily the company you were aiming at but a bigger and better one, you tell me that you can’t get the result you want and yet this, this this and this have happened. Are none of these new results that you’ve never experienced before?”

Their face was a picture! I couldn’t physically have touched them since all coaching is virtual but that’s how they looked – like a wet cod had been slapped in their face!

“Wow, I got what I wanted didn’t I? So why could I not see that?”

That’s the thing about the universe, it will deliver but you kind of have to take the lead.

So if you want to use manifestation and The Secret route to success, you still have to do the thinking and the doing!

This client reminded me of the joke that sums up coaching, success and manifesting your dreams. I shared it with my client and they’ve become so much more adapt at noticing what is actually going on and not holding onto out dated beliefs from the past that served them so badly. And it goes like this….

A man clings to the roof of his house as huge floods surround everything. The water is rising and his scared. A boat flies past and swings back with the captain shouting “Oi mate, jump in, you aren’t safe there!”

To which the stranded man replies “Thank you, but god will save me.”

The mystified captain can’t convince him so speeds off to safety.

Then a helicopter flies over, spotting the man it circles back throwing down a ladder shouting “Mate, we can help you, climb up”

But the man waves his hands in protest and says “Thank you, but god will save me”….

This is where it gets sad….the man dies.

He gets up to heaven and there at the pearly gates is god with not the happiest of faces. The drowned man berates god with “Why didn’t you save me!?!”

God says “I sent you a boat and a helicopter, what more did you want?”

I love this story because this is the Secret in action. People get the awesome little signs that they need to follow this path but don’t so then feel like the universe is working against them, it’s not. The universe is your mind and your mind will do everything in it’s power to prove you right, keep you safe and help you get what you want.

So if you concentrate on your failings? You get more failing. Even when you succeed you won’t notice it because you are looking in the wrong direction!

I’ve sat in so many coaching sessions where I’ve bought a clients awareness to the golden nugget of opportunity in front of them that they couldn’t see.

Here’s how to ensure you don’t miss these golden nuggets that lead you to achieving your dreams.

  • Be clear about what you want.
  • Be clear on why you want it.

(You don’t need a war and peace report for this. If you are a free flowing kind of person then a vision board is great or a mind-map. If on the other hand you love structure and clearly defined plans then get as detailed as you like. The more information you can add to your goal the easier it is to spot golden nuggets of opportunity when they arise.)

Another reason you can’t spot the golden nugget manifestations is because you are easily distracted and pointed in a new direction. If you are talking to other people about your plans they are likely to make suggestions on what to do and what to invest in – remember these come from their beliefs, experiences and values and not yours. If this is you read this article http://www.mandieholgate.co.uk/the-shiny-thing-syndrome-the-sts/ to stop getting pointed in a new direction. Because every time you do go in a new direction you reduce your impact on achieving your dreams!

This slows down success so stop trying to go in a hundred directions all at once!

Be honest about reality. Remember everyone’s version of reality is unique to them. This can be a hard concept to grasp so to make it easier, imagine a party. 2 people walk out (highly likely to be me and my Hubby!) and one says “Wow that was awesome” (me) and the other walks out and says “er, it was alright I guess” You can guess who!

Same food, music, guests, room but 2 different experiences. My wonderful hubby is not a natural people person, doesn’t like small talk or meeting new people and would prefer to play DJ. Me on the other hand as you can imagine I love meeting new people, would dance to anything and love pretty much any food except cake, cooked carrots and mushy peas! (I know weird right?)

So when you feel like you aren’t getting anywhere be mindful who you talk to.

  • What is going on in your head?
  • Is it reality or are they old outdated thoughts that don’t match where you really are?

I see this a lot in the early days with clients, where things are shifting but they aren’t paying attention. So if you don’t pay attention you can’t do more of what works and you can’t steer clear of what doesn’t work!

The universe could be shouting at you “Do this!” but if you aren’t looking in the right direction you won’t get the clues!

On my confidential mastermind group someone said to me “How do I work out what I want next and how do I achieve it?

I posted 5 elements that I thought would be great to help you reach your dreams too.

1. Everyone is different. Some people would get bogged down in the scale of goals I set with some clients (5, 10 30 years!). Others like the big picture – in 30 years time stuff… either way you must come back to your goal plan very regularly to ensure you get there. For some they can do that all day every day, constantly checking they are on course, others will easily get distracted or convinced to go in a new direction so they need someone to be accountable to, keep them focused and constantly help them test and measure, understand results and make adjustments accordingly. That’s why the Insiders is so great because you can check in on your progress and your actions results. Especially essential if you can’t afford to work with a coach.

2. Who are you? If you look at what other Insiders are asking right now about how to build a new business you always have to come back to who are you? What do you want? What are your dreams? Don’t restrict yourself to time, money, skill, etc. Just think BIG BIG BIG, and in my view I’ve never seen anyone (even millionaires, and international speakers and authors) who are thinking big enough. We can all achieve more. Push yourself and again if you can’t afford a coach then the Insiders is a great place to stretch your goals to meet your dreams.

3. Values. Personally I do the values exercise (Fight the fear chapter 1) once every 2 to 3 months. It helps me see if things are adjusting. For instance, where my Hubby hasn’t worked since March my values have adjusted to bring money up from a 7 to a 4. I still have to honour my top 3 values – happiness, holiday time and helping others first but I’m now more aware of the lower down values. When achieving your dreams is on the agenda this is essential knowledge.

4. Goals. Then I look at what goals I have for this year (I work 2020/2021 – because it enables me to always be planning ahead and acknowledging where I’ve got to. It works well for some clients, others prefer year to year goals) and how they fit in to my long term goals. I like goals quite fluid because it keeps me open to new opportunities that are fizzing in the side-lines that fit well with my big goals. I know this works for me because I’ve become very intuitive and it’s works very well. I have seen so much growth in the last few years because of this. That doesn’t work for all people, so if you like structure 1. Values exercise. 2. Think big, write everything down long term short term you could do – this should take you at least an hour to do this justice. Ask questions like “And what would that give me?” and “What would that do for me?” “How would that make me happy/successful/helping others?” (Personal to you) then explore what would fit where. So, what is short term then what is long term? Then challenge yourself on what you wrote. Does it really do you justice?

5. A vision board is fun and gets your brain thinking. I’d do this after the values exercise and possibly after I explore what’s everything in the world I could ever want to achieve? I pour a G and T, grab my daughter, cover the table in magazines and coloured pens, glue and a big piece of paper and we go for it. Don’t concentrate on what comes out of the magazine, concentrate on the conversation. Put your favourite play list on and don’t think about what you cut out. Don’t stick it down until you’ve got everything you want. Then think about where you want to stick everything. This also helps with the process of understanding it, how to keep it visual and what to do next. I often find that I put the same elements in the same circular motion on a vision board and that is relevant too.

Remember that every human should do this process often – What do I want? Why do I want it? Etc. Etc…

So much overwhelm, working hard with no results, sad relationships, joyless lives, challenging times, procrastination, failure, etc is because we don’t make the time to understand the science of who we are and then look to honour it and what are dreams really mean to us.

So if you take the advice in this article and create a plan, a goal, a vision, a dream and a statement (mantra) that defines what you want to achieve, remember you are working on this even when you are asleep or doing something completely unrelated to your goal.

And remember the power of your mind is insane, if you lack confidence all the talk in the world to the universe or your subconscious to achieve great things will fall short, so head to my blog to read more on confidence or take my confidence course – on average it helps people to be more confident within 2 days!

Confidence, plus clearly defined goals and plans, honouring the science of who you are and bam there’s the universe delivering everything you ever wanted!

That’s why people think coaching is magic because;

working with mandie holgate is like magic

New customers do magically appear out of the sky.

Teams naturally adapt to tough environments and change.

Businesses suddenly get offered amazing “out of the blue” contracts they’d never dreamed of.

Each one of these has happened to my coaching clients, each client has described it as like magic and each one didn’t rely on the universe or The Secret, they turned to coaching.

Coaching is manifesting in action.

Easy right?
If it still feels too hard or you get stuck, get in touch. I know how to grow people, teams and businesses and it would be an honour to help you too.

It usually costs a lot less than people think too so a conversation will cost you nothing and could get the universe manifesting some amazing things!

  • September 12, 2020

How to reduce absenteeism to zero

According to the Centre for disease control and prevention over 40% of US citizens reported mental health challenges in June 2020(1). Here in the UK evidence suggests that 12.7% of all sickness absence days are related to mental health conditions, with improvements we could save UK businesses up to £8 billion per year. (2) (3)

When you consider how mental health and well being can impact on productivity, creativity and business it becomes essential for you and your team that you understand what you can do to help everyone to feel emotionally strong and confident in these tough times so your organisation can thrive no matter what.

Would it surprise you to know that my clients have reported the very opposite in the pandemic.

One company recently advised me that they experienced zero absenteeism in lock down – 3 months, 224 members of staff and not one sick day!

Another said they were really impressed how everyone “naturally adapted” and were working better together as a team despite not being able to see each other.

Another said they had hit all their targets.

And a few more have taken the time to let me know they were surprised to have their best quarter trading ever.

This is not by magic, or accident, or by being in the right industry for a pandemic, this is because through the coaching process with me, everyone that I work with has learnt how to honour who they are and how they want to work and develop feeling part of the end result that is aimed for.

Here is a quick guide on how to coach yourself or your team to achieve and protect your mental health.

1.            Create a mental health tool kit – this article will guide you how and if someone says yours will look the same as someone elses, they are wrong – there may be many elements that overlap but no one on this planet has lived your life and that is why it needs to be unique to you. One of the key things my clients learn is that one size doesn’t fit all. You are unique so your solutions are unique too. In 16 years of coaching I’ve seen the same problem many times, but never have I seen 2 clients create the same solutions and action plan.

2.            Structure may be a golden ticket to a healthy resilient mind, on the other hand it may be the rod that breaks your back. Ask yourself this “If I was to get a free pandemic safe holiday to my dream destination and I had to leave in 4 hours time, how would I feel?”

This question gives you a good idea on your natural style. My clients learn not to fight who they are. So if you answered this question with “Woo hoo, let’s go!” You probably don’t need a lot of structure in your life because you can adapt fast and find the positive in a situation. (The down side of this is you can be easily distracted and that can be bad for productivity, solutions and results.)

If on the other hand you found yourself hyperventilating and stressed out thinking “What about the cat, the dentist on Tuesday or the milk in the fridge” you are probably someone that likes structure, you like to know what is happening when and if it doesn’t the control freak in you (there is nothing wrong with being a control freak as long as you control it and it doesn’t control you) is getting seriously upset.

Don’t fight who you are. If you need structure create it. And as you will see with the next top tip, whatever is your natural style to getting work done make sure you tell people.

3. Communicate it. If you need it nice and quiet then tell the family if you are still working from home. If you are struggling then talk to someone. You are not a robot that can have a new bit of programming shoved in and instantly produce high quality work as usual. If you need help to adjust tell someone. I’ve had a lot of new clients in lock down who are really struggling with working form home. It hasn’t taken many sessions to help them to be more resilient, create a great work life balance and actually achieve more. They talked to their boss and their boss being the forward thinking find solutions type of person they are didn’t tell them to “toughen up” they helped them find their natural style and honour it.

It’s interesting that it doesn’t matter what your industry or profession, I can still coach you to achieve more. Coaching is helping the individual find the solutions to the issues they feel they face. Even if that is worded completely differently to what the company needs we always bring the two into alignment so the company, the team and the individual all perform better. Because ultimately it is about what is going on in each persons head that matters. So don’t assume people know what you are thinking. Ask for help, define the new way of working and communicate it.

Likewise if you are the leader of a team, just because you meet with everyone once a week don’t assume they are happy, performing to optimum levels or not suffering mentally. It is only in non judgemental confidential conversations people are really honest. I’ve seen so many clients in the last 6 months who have put on a great act, met targets and done okay, but after coaching everyone at work has seen a dramatic improvement in the individual and their results.

People have a habit of suppressing how they are feeling or what they are dealing with. How many times has someone said to you something after the event and you’ve said “Wow, I had no idea.” Trust me, it’s happening closer to home than you realise.

4. Please ditch the guilt. People think they are impressing me when they tell me they started at 6am and worked until 10pm and still managed to keep the house clean, teach the children algebra and bake a cake. You aren’t impressing anyone. Burn out happens to people that are living their live like everyone is judging them. Even if they are judging you that’s their issue, not yours.

Don’t aim for super human, aim for happy human.

If you enjoy baking and teaching your kids then great, but if you don’t no one is going to beat you up for putting a Disney film on a giving them a hug for a couple of hours. Its essential you meet deadlines but don’t try and do everything. You are allowed to say to your children/dog/partner “I’m sorry I need to work for 2 hours, we could do something at 2pm.

Guilt will eat you up, take brain space and stop you from being productive an happy. So ditch the matyr act and the guilt.

  4. Environment. When you go to work you dress in a certain way, have a route to work, a routine. Even if you don’t crave routine you still need to create the work mindset. What helps you get into a working mindset? This article especially top tip 13 will help you consider how to achieve the perfect environment. http://www.mandieholgate.co.uk/corona-virus-and-working-from-home-how-to-stay-motivated-productive-and-achieve-more/ This is essential for the tough days so that even if you aren’t feeling it, your brain is getting signals to get into the working mindset – yes you can programme your brain, it just takes a bit longer than a robot and what works for one human won’t work for all, so you are clearly not a robot, so don’t try to act like one.

5.Boundaries. Leading on from guilt, its not a crime to get specific on what you need. I like it quiet when I work, so if I can’t have that I put the noise cancelling headphones in and the instrumental/classical music on. Sometimes just wearing them is a signal to my family to leave me alone. That’s not me being mean, that’s me putting myself on the importance list too. Not instead of them, as well as them. What boundaries do you need to put into place to protect your mind so you can perform well at work?

6. Be nice to you. Looking after everyone else and not you is also a fast track to an unhealthy mind. Take a break. Studies show we struggle to think and work productively in anything over an hour session. (Find out your optimum concentration time. Mine is approximately 25 minutes. So I know to do something, do something else and then return to the task in hand. So I will start this article, then answer an in depth email in depth, make a call and then return to the blog article. Everything is achieved but in a way that honours me. And it means I’ve time to play hide and seek with the dog and get some exercise too!

What would your perfect working day look like if you include you time? One client realised they were saving 10 hours a week from the weekly commute and using all of them for work! We split that 50 / 50 and they now have 5 hours a week to read, paint and bake cakes. Guess what? Productivity has gone up using less time!

7. Team time. How are you going to ensure the team is always on the same page? How are you going to ensure you are always on the same page as your customers and suppliers?

Don’t dismiss the importance of the water cooler moment. Those moments of free talk with no agenda are critical for many reasons. And many people are really missing the random conversations that lead to great ideas and innovation. One company I’m working with now take it in turns to meet up for a coffee and a walk once a week. In this way the team are more aware of how each other are feeling, what people are working on, struggling with or need advice on. How will you ensure you have productive team time? Not where you project what the company needs but understand each others needs? It is documented that when an individual feels part of the end goal they are 92% more likely to achieve for you even without a financial reward. If they don’t feel connected to the outcome that can drop to 0%! Which leads us on to…

9. Clear goals and focus. You may assume everyone knows what the organisational goals are and when and how they are to be achieved, but without input from all parties you risk not hitting the mark. A coaching day is a great way of hearing what everyone really thinks about your great idea, plan or goals for the future.

I’ve seen many a CEO or Bosses shocked face when they’ve been coached along with their team as they hear what people really think. One company had just invested in a new marketing campaign and brand worth over £10,000 but hadn’t engaged all departments, In our first coaching day one member of staff (who rarely spoke up) said “Where does it say care? We care right?” They were in the health and wellness industry and hadn’t mentioned the key elements of what they felt they stood for. That day led to a new mission statement, a new tagline and a far more powerful marketing strategy that the whole company helped create – imagine how powerful that is for their future goals and success?

The interesting thing is these companies often have training and meetings and brain storming sessions, trust me nothing is more unique than coaching with an external person to get to what is really stopping you, your team and your company from reaching new levels of success. It’s so powerful even I am blown away by the results. If you would like to know how coaching could help you and your team be more resilient, confident, capable, agile, creative and productive no matter what you face, get in touch. I love the phone ringing – 01206 381482 / 07989 935556

(1) https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/69/wr/mm6932a1.htm?s_cid=mm6932a1_w&utm_source=Newsletter_AH&utm_medium=Thrive

(2) ONS. (2014). Full Report: Sickness Absence on the Labour Market, February 2014. Retrieved from webarchive. nationalarchives.gov.uk/20160105160709/http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/dcp171776_353899.pdf [Accessed 28/07/16].

(3) Sainsbury Centre for Mental Health. (2009). Briefing 40: Removing Barriers. The facts about mental health and employment. Retrieved from ohrn.nhs.uk/resource/policy/TheFactsaboutMentalHealth.pdf

  • September 7, 2020

Why Constantly Judging Others Is No Good For You

Here in my latest article for Lifehack I explore how judging others can impact on your success.

How it can damage teams ability to bond and work powerfully together.

How it can damage your own happiness and success.

And when, actually judging others is good for you.

Our interntal judgements greatly impact on the results we get at work and at home, in all areas of our life. If this is an issue for you, this article shares a prove strategy for shutting that negative judgemental voice up for good.

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“When it comes to judging other people, I think it’s inherent in all of us to do it to some degree. But do you know how judging others impacts yourself and the things in life you want?

Let’s explore what judging others can do when you do it correctly or incorrectly, and I will share some easy techniques to control your judgmental desires.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

  1. Why Do We Judge People?
  2. How to Stop Judging Others
  3. When Should You Judge Others?
  4. More on Understanding Judgments

Why Do We Judge People?

We have intelligent brains, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. I see it with clients I coach every day who realize that their mind does everything to protect them.

It’s not you who’s doing the judging. Instead, it’s your brain – usually the subconscious part – that’s doing all the work. You are just going along with it, not challenging it. (Learn about the brain’s mistakes here: 7 Mistakes Your Brain Makes Every Day – And How To Fix Them)

If you go back to our prehistoric ancestors, it was our bigger brain and ability to judge, decipher, and conceptualize things that ensured our safety and existence in the 21st century. As the University of California’s evolutionary theorist, Rob Boyd, said, “Think about what is necessary to live in Alaska. You’d need a kayak, a harpoon, and a float not to sink. Nobody invents a kayak. People learn the proper way to make a kayak from others.” [1]

Hence, some judgment will always be useful. You need to be mindful of how, when, where, and why you are giving that judgment.

Among the many reasons why we judge people, we mainly do it to stay safe. When you walk down the street, for instance, your brain is working on ensuring your safety, so you judge others’ actions before they do anything. That’s obvious, right? But what will you do when it happens at work or more subtly in your life?

Here’re 2 examples with my clients that show why judging others is bad for anyone:

The Corner Cutter

I want to share a story about my client, who was so fed up with a team member who always finished work at 5 P.M. sharp and was notoriously known for cutting corners. No one seemed to have an issue with it except my client. It infuriated my client and damaged their career. They claimed that the corner-cutting team member was the problem, but it wasn’t. It was them.

You see, you could never change other people, but my client’s brain made them think that their career success depended on what everyone else was doing. That is a fast step towards disaster. It’s impossible to get everyone to work in the same way as you do. Eventually, my client convinced the company to coach their team. We discovered that no one saw this person as a corner cutter, though. Seething, my client reported dozens of occasions in which their team member didn’t do their tasks and judged the person on their personal standards.

When I coached the whole team together, we could see the disparity between what my client thought was going on and what was genuinely happening.

The corner cutter ended up asking, “Do you read everything everyone sends you? How do you get anything done?”

My client exclaimed, “Doesn’t everyone do that?!”

While the client saw a lack of precision and carelessness in the corner-cutting team member, other people were merely focusing on their area of expertise and letting others get on with their jobs. Thankfully, my client is now back on track and achieving more because judging others undoubtedly wore them down.

Being on a Pedestal

People often looked at me in horror whenever I said, “Everyone is doing the best that they can with what they perceive they have.”

It’s tough to see bad things happening in your life and not judge others based on your own standards, but remember that not everyone is you. Our brains jump into automatic overdrive and tell us they are!

Imagine everyone is standing on a tall column like a pedestal made up of lots of blocks. Each block comes in the forms of:

  • Experiences
  • Your beliefs at this time
  • Your values (which can also change)

Now, imagine removing all the matching blocks on the pedestal. Can you see how you can be left with people who are more superior or inferior to you?

Let’s apply this idea in a real-world scenario. Another client of mine was annoyed with anyone who messed up at work. Some awful things happened to them as a young adult, and it taught them always to do the right thing. Never break the law, forever abide by rules, and if someone tells you to do something, you do it!

When people didn’t live the same way as they did, my client felt disrespected, unloved, undermined, and unappreciated. Could you imagine what impact it had on their life and success?

Though the client tried to hide it from us, we helped them see that the people around them didn’t share the same experiences, so they couldn’t see the world through their eyes. The first sign that my client was changing was seeing them walk in the room, grinning.

“I didn’t feel crossed today,” the client said. When I asked what they meant, they explained that they got behind the wheels without ranting about others’ poor driving skills.

One of the little exercises I set for the client was to imagine that the person driving in front of them was not an idiot or buffoon (their words, not mine). Instead, it was someone who was driving for the first time after getting involved in a big crash, a sick child who’s on the way to the hospital, or a parent who made a cake for their daughter’s wedding. It helped them change their perspectives about why people do things.

“When you judge others, you do not define them — you define yourself.” — Earl Nightingale

To read the rest of the article, head over to Lifehack here…

We judge others when we lack confidence, would you like to boost your confidence like Lenska? Click here to learn how.
  • September 6, 2020
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