Dip in confidence? Here’s how to fix it fast

One of the surprising things to come out of the pandemic is a dip in confidence. And even this coach is not immune…

Here I’m honest and tell you what happened, and how I monitor and fixed my own dip in confidence. I tell clients and Insiders all the time, before you work on your ambitions and plans, always assess your confidence levels – it will have a massive impact on your results.

I was invited to speak at the worlds biggest online conference for Luminary Learning, a company that works with some of the biggest organisations in the world – 18 speakers, 17 hours. (I discovered I was one of their top speakers and so they’d put me between one of the most expensive speakers on the planet and Zeus Frazier – Zeus Frazier’s dad was one of the only people to fight and beat Muhammad Ali multiple times – so wow no pressure there then!)

And in the lead up to the big day I had meetings with the team to see if I would fit as well as they’d hoped. I was keen for this to happen because I’m not your usual conference speaker and I didn’t want to stand out (for all the wrong reasons) like the proverbially sore thumb! Especially amongst such amazing talent!

laughing with mandie holgate business and life coach

I rarely have slides (unless the hosts really want them) and I don’t’ usually follow a set script. Choosing instead to find out what they want for their audiences and what they want the result to be. In that way I will create a mass group coaching style session that is really powerful and ensures people get personalised solutions rather than generic ideas. (I can deliver to a script and make it just me talking but in my view it’s not as much fun, productive or memorable.

As I chatted with the hosts, I ended up showing them my Disney mug of coffee, my tiny dog and even my Olaf Keyring… such a grown up. They loved my honest, fun style and said that with my exceptional knowledge on growing businesses and people I’d be perfect.

So all good right?

Except when you don’t see your audience whether you are a speaker, professional or a business leader it can be tough.

Are they understanding what I am saying?

Usually body language gives us massive clues on this. The crossed arms changing to hand at face in deep thought is always a good one to aim for. Along with obviously the laughter and relaxed poses.

So with our world moving to online can you deliver to the same high standard?

Yes of course but watch out for the confidence levels.

As the day of the big event got closer, I found myself writing copious amount of notes on the subject of leadership and building great people. You know, the subject I spend my life coaching people and teams on!

How ridiculous I found myself thinking you know this stuff inside out. “Why are you writing it down?” “Why are you adding stats that you could recite in your sleep!” I shrieked at myself. “Are you likely to lose your mind between now and Saturday!”

It was a dip in confidence. Not to be confused with a sensible level of nerves because you want to do well. One is good for your performance, the other can destroy it. (If you aren’t sure pick up a copy of Fight the fear where I help you reduce your fears to a sensible level often getting rid of them all together but being mindful that sometimes a little nerves is good for you. And if you are like most of my readers you will follow this with my next book Taking Control Of Your Mind where you can explore what type of person you are and how to honour that to achieve more and overcome any obstacle – buy it here.)

So I did what any good coach would do and I talked to another coach. My coach has been proverbially kicking my butt for years. In fact it’s thanks to them I’ve achieved more and I know I’ve been able to help my coach too. (I love relationships that are win win like that.)

So I messaged my coach. Something along the lines of “Hey, I’ve got the major wobbles about Saturday. I know I can do this with bells on but still….”

They replied with the right words as we usually do for each other, but when you are bordering on a dip in confidence that can induce fear (and trust me as author of Fight the fear I know this stuff. If you don’t fix the confidence then fear is only a step away.) So despite the fact I believed my coach and the despite the fact my coach has heard me speak on many occasion, so when they say you are an awesome speaker, then you really have to accept you are an awesome speaker I still was feeling concerned at a level I didn’t want to take to the event.

So, I used a tool I created for a client and use all the time…

“Where is your evidence Mandie?” I asked. “Have you got on a stage before and tanked it?”

“No”.

“Have you let an audience or hosts down?”

“Er again, I’m going to have to say No”

“Have you made audiences laugh and learn and have eureka moments that changed lives and business?”

At this stage I was beginning to hate myself just like my clients do when they are faced with the facts that they don’t suck and they are awesome! I knew how my coaching clients felt under my scrutiny and it wasn’t easy to accept but accept it I did. I’m good at my job. Actually scrap that, I’m awesome at my job – we all need to learn to be able to say that don’t we? We don’t need to walk down the street shouting it but we do need to hear it on the inside and believe it.

I wanted to share this with you because people often say “You are so confident I bet you never doubt yourself” As a human we all do it, the difference is as a coach I can get myself back into a great mindset and get the results I want because I coach myself and control what is allowed to go on inside my brain. Hence the new book Taking control of your mind is so popular because it helps you do just that.

And just so I don’t let that dip in confidence come back I printed off the amazing words that one of the team sent to me.

Just a quick note to say...thank you very very very very very much for trusting me and for coming on board....your energy was so great that we fed off that....your stories were pointed and you were able to bring it home with each example....it was fantastic.....    It so lively....and hilarious..but drove home a very string point!!!    Thank you so much and both T and myself simply love you and your vibrancy and zest for life!!!!    We are fans and friends for life!!! Will chat soon...

If you want to stay positive it’s important you give yourself visual clues so you don’t revert to negative and stay there because that’s not good for you, your team or your business. And remember people like to be with positive people. People that inspire and motivate them. Those people make tough days and obstacles to success so much easier to overcome.

If you would like to know more about any aspect of this feel free to get in touch and if this made you rethink what you allow to happen in your head do let me know.

I’ve over 100 strategies to help build confidence. Many of which feature in my confidence course (it only takes 2 days to get through that course and see improvements) you can buy that here.

Something else that helps me is my mastermind group – it’s packed with talented, skilled, successful professionals and business owners. Do join us we all share the most amazing ideas and support. Click here to learn more.

I can also request white labelled copies of Fight the fear for your company and Taking Control Of Your Mind- minimum order 100 copies.

  • June 23, 2020
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Anton Thayalan

Great read! Spot on! Keep up the great work!!!

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