Mandie Holgate

How can 4 words rile a person so!

The headline's 4 words were posted on Twitter this morning, and as I wake and admire the blue sky and think about the lazy Sunday ahead I grab a cuppa, actually hubby brings me one! And this morning he also brought me my blackberry so I wandered through the tweets and I saw this one.

Why did this offend me so?

Well as many of you will know I had a severe mental health illness 6 years ago, I am an incredibly lucky woman to come through it stronger and more able to tackle anything in life than I was before, but plenty are not so lucky. And because of my experiences and the thought of how many people are suffering in silence across the UK (and the world) right now I decided to speak up and joined a national campaign called Time to Change. A campaign that wants to get rid of the stigma attached to mental health issues.

Let me ask you if you had a friend with lungs that did not work and she was going to die if she did not get a new lung would you say things like "Oi Darth Vader lay off the fags!" (As my friend was suffering with LAM I know THAT would never happen!)

Would you say to someone who had to have a mastectomy "Looking a bit lop sided today! or Oi Baldy!

NO!! We would never disrespect someone who is going through a traumatic experience. We offer support, help, and ear to listen but insults and negative comments would never be uttered. And yet it is acceptable to post comments like this across the world about people suffering with a mental health illness.

Double standards here?

People disappear of your social radar when you announce you have a mental health illness. In the 18 months I was very seriously ill and looking after 2 children under the age of 3 I didn't get offers of help from my extensive network of friends and contacts outside of my family. Why?

I do not understand all the complexities of my friend's LAM illness and yet I have always been there as a support and a friend. So why do people disappear during mental health illnesses?

We need to stand up as a nation and say that's enough. The UK is not a country that prejudices against people because of what is happening in their mind, that they have no more control over as to the cancerous cells in another person's body.

If we all do this, there will not be people afraid to go and see their boss and admit that there is a issue here affecting my life and my work, to go to their doctors and say I need help without fear that their children will be taken away, to help people understand that just like any other illness or disease you will get the same level of care, consideration and support as anyone else.

Sorry for my rant - but I have signed up to this campaign and I have no problem with telling the world that mental health illnesses are horrendous, it is the worst experience I have ever had to endure and I will go out of my way to help people appreciate that attitudes are changing and we are going to be a country that respects everyone who is suffering from a mental health issue.

And if you are suffering from any kind of illness or disease right now, my comments were only used to reiterate the ludicrousy that we are allowed to treat people with a mental health issue in this way, in no way would I wish to offend anyone and I send my thoughts and healthy wishes to you.

And if you feel that something is not right, if you feel that this could affect you, contact your GP, your local Mind charity or speak to the national campaign a Time to change - don't suffer in silence.

http://www.colchestermind.org/

To make your pledge go to - http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/ 

When I sit down for the first time with a new client, I would love a pound for every time I hear the words "And I have tried everything!"

It can feel like that though can't it?

When you are with your own mind 24 hours a day, there is no escape from the constant "What if I do that" or "I wonder if that would work" or "I don't know how to get this" no wonder things can feel like we have tried it all, because we have constantly thought about what we are trying to achieve.

It can then become very frustrating and that in itself can lead to procrasination or worse still a complete disinterest with the task at hand. Do you remember the Mary Whitehouse experience? How they talked about preferring to go and watch songs of praise rather than tackle the history essay that had to be in the next morning. Can  you honestly say that you have never wondered off into the realms of Google or social media land just to escpae a job that has been glaring at you for weeks, knowing for well it has to be done! Today! Now! Aaaahhh! so why do we do that?

The fact is change can be a tricky thing. Even if a belief or an action is not supporting our success we passionately cling to them for fear of what will go in its place.

Some clients get so caught up in the negative belief or a self defeating action that we do not even attempt to change it at the start, we aim only to bring their awareness of this trait, and to note down how often it happens.

When you do this you are becoming more aware of your actions, your beliefs, all the things that dictate the way you tackle life, goals, ambitions even the way you drive your car!

Once people become aware of what they are doing, they can then take responsbility for it and that leads to the fun stuff.

When you take full responsiblity for what you have created, who you are, what you do then you are in the perfect position to change the things that are not working for you.

This does not matter if you hold a belief that says picking up the phone and asking for a meeting won't work or whether you belief you have always been rubbish at public speaking, the fact is when you take responsiblity for your beliefs you can then decide to change them.

So today, think about your beliefs, the actions you take, what you believe to be the most effective way of working, of living.

And ask yourself does everything I do support me getting what I want out of life? Am I proactively doing all that I can to get the results that I want? Are the actions and beliefs that I have creating a negative effective?

Become incredibly aware of what you are thinking and decide that today is the day you change that.

Oh and by the way, I am not telling what to do next until another day! One step at a time!

These are steps that enhance your life forever, not for a day.

As I tell my clients, the whole point of coaching with me is that after coaching you naturally have a new way of thinking that you will use forever, and you will only need me again for specific goals, to refresh your goals or to check you are getting the results you want.

Until next time have a great day.