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Fear, Success, CBD and is that really you Mandie Holgate?

It’s the weirdest thing. I’ve had 8 years of being pretty much trapped in my home due to ill health (Lupus) and for the last month I’ve been feeling really well. Not put on a fake smile and act well because people are so bored of you talking about pain and exhaustion, but genuine bouncing out of bed, looking forward to the day well.

The weird thing is that while my body is well my mind doesn’t seem to have caught up yet.

For instance I was up early to take my son to his last day of college today (that’s a sad but exciting milestone right?) and as I drove home I knew the morning was starting with a coaching session and I thought “Oh no I’m on my own all day.” (Client was only on the screen so not there in person to have a cuppa and chat with first.)

Usually if I’m coaching for 2 hours I’d need a few hours to recover. Then I could work for a couple of hours and then I’d need to rest before my children got home in the hope I might have some energy to talk to them and maybe help cook tea.

But I had to physically remind myself today “You can do more Mandie!” and so I went for a walk. 45 minutes may not seem big to you but 4346 steps is epic to me.

Usually I would even have to limit my time on the phone (pacing is not just about your physicality as I learnt the hard way – your brain uses up a lot of energy too.) But today I’ve made and had over 10 phone calls already!

This all reminds me of clients who I’ve worked with for a while and in a session they will say something and I’ll challenge them on that thought. Often it’s because they are still using the same language they used before we started working together. Not really appreciating how much has changed.

For example a client said to me “But I’m rubbish at marketing.”

“Are you?” I asked “What evidence do you have to that statement?”

They smirked at me because they realised that this wasn’t true anymore. The person they are now is very different to the one of a year ago. But that negative thought had still sneaked in.

We have to be mindful of every thought we have and ask ourselves if it is empowering us or demotivating us?

Is it moving us forward or holding us back?

But even that is not enough. You then need to take ownership for what you thought and focus on what you actually want.

I’ve started mentally noticing the little things that I’d forgotten about;

  • Like dancing to Radio 1 while I brush my teeth instead of leaning against the radiator for dear life.
  • Bruises because I’ve got over enthusiastic gardening instead of the meds making my skin like paper.
  • Being able to jump in the car and go anywhere whenever I like because I’ve not had to plan 2 days in advance due to the severity of my medication.

I find these and so many other things are making me grin, but there’s a but. And it’s one I didn’t think I’d ever have again.

Fear.

Walking along the beach I realised that I still haven’t factored in anything in the evenings. The last time I went out at night was to End game on the 25th April, before that it was the 16th December, regular right?

The hardest thing about balancing a long term health illness is that you have to ditch so much of your life. A social life is something I know exists because I watch Facebook friends having one. But now can I have one?

I’m scared to speak these thoughts.

I even have found myself using my clients words “What if?” And unlike me, I’m not assuming it’s going to be awesome! I’ve been assuming with real terror;

  • “What if this doesn’t last?”
  • “What if the CBD oil stops working?”
  • “What if I am forced to be in this house all the time again?!”

How ridiculous!

Lucky for me I am uber speedy and epic at reframing. I can be in a bad/sad mood and flip to being positive/happy and ready for anything with a lightening speed thought.

So that’s what I’ve been doing;

  • What if this is permanent?
  • What if you can get back on your bike?
  • What if you can work more?
  • What if you can travel?
  • What if you are well?

Of them all the last one makes me hyperventilate. I’ve worked so damn hard on being happy and as well as possible despite Fibromyalgia, Lupus and a myriad of other illness and problems. Even before this mini miracle I felt truly happy and joyous with my life. This? Well this just makes me feel super human!

My friend is 94 (Sorry Irene, I told everyone your age) and she is one of my role models in life. Flying around the world visiting nephews, ski-ing (Ok just the apres ski – you can’t blame her!) and living life to the fullest. Irene summed it up today when she said “Sometimes to go forward we have to go back”. How perfect is that sentence?

I have absolute gratitude to be able to go for a walk. To be able to drive a car and work. Things I would guess that 9 years ago I didn’t really acknowledge. And having to gain a level of tenacity, determination and self belief that Iron Man would be proud of, how well set up am I for going forward?

If feeling ill I can walk 27000 steps around Disney Land Paris (okay, with enough medications in me to rival any A and E Department!) what can I achieve without the brain numbing, gut destroying, nausea inducing, sleep robbing drugs in me?

I like that I work with a coach, and I like that I can coach myself. The fear is going to be allowed to stay (just a little) why? Because it’s sensible to go a little steady. As Dinah Liversidge (Wow I love that woman!) said “When I was on the road to recovery I only walked for 10 minutes a day, and I didn’t try to push it. Go little and often to build stamina.” (Dinah is also the awesome lady that told me that to get through Lupus I’d need Cannabis and a hot tub. I got both, well the legal version of the Cannabis!

The point of this article is this;
  • Never ever give up – Winston taught me that and on bad days I remind myself I’ve stood in his bedroom at Downing Street and I keep going.
  • Acknowledge every thought – own it. Process it. And learn how to move on. Ensuring it’s working for you and not against you.
  • Smiling at bruises and dancing while you brush your teeth is because I have immense levels of gratitude. And yes one tear has just leaked out of my face and I’m so bloody chuffed. Gratitude keeps us going when everything feels lost.
  • Share – don’t hide your crap, your pain or your needs. People can only care if they know. And trust me the right ones do care and will be there for you – as I now can be there for you too!
  • And lastly a little reminder Mandie Holgate “You’ve spent 8 years watching box sets and usually only leaving the house once a week, don’t try and get too Iron Man on this body – you are not a robot and will need to respect it will take time. Time is something you have. And as you get there – bloody keep loving the ride!

I never stop working on my emotional intelligence, beliefs and personal development, if you’d like to explore this with me, get in touch. I’m also that in love with CBD I’ve signed up with Tessellate to sell it!

  • June 3, 2019

How to Stop Living in Fear and Start Stepping out of Your Comfort Zone

My latest article for Life hack

Let me know what you do with this information. I hope it helps you too.

I think I may know why we are so obsessed with super heroes – good versus evil.

Good overcoming no matter what — no matter how big, scary or evil the arch enemy.

It’s because it symbolises how we wish it could be in the real world.

Imagine it…your life is now a movie…

You have music in the background because you are off to work/college/meet friends and your life is pretty normal (all appears well) then on screen, we get a few scenes where your life looks great.

You water your plants (or shrug at your ability to kill anything green), walk the dog, feed the fish, kick back with a good book or hugging a loved one on the sofa with a bucket of popcorn, then all hell breaks loose…

Within 20 minutes, if your life were a film you are feeling, like nothing could ever be the same again and that no one understands what you are going through.

Fear is not the word that springs to mind. It’s more likely to be:

  • Why me?
  • Life will never be good again.
  • I can’t fight this.
  • I don’t know where to start.
  • This is too big.
  • I can’t do this alone.
  • My life is over.
  • We are all doomed!

If your life were a movie, then it’s all fine (you really don’t need to worry) because at this stage in your film life, when life is so all consumingly going in the wrong way with no way out and death is likely imminent, along comes:

  • A scientist who can’t necessarily get you back to “Normal” but can make you a nifty suit and help you become a super hero that everyone loves; after some quirky, funny and lesson learning scenes where you get a few things wrong but learn tons.
  • A rich tycoon who already has a team of super heroes they secretly work with, can see true potential in you (after the “you’re rough around the edges kid” scene) they introduce you to the other superheroes and you learn that it doesn’t matter what you are like; you will find a network of people that will love respect, trust and help you.
  • An evil so big that everything you’ve ever believed in as at risk of the worst case scenario, therefore no matter how petrified you are, you somehow find a way to save the world (and your pot plant, dog and/or loved one).

Okay back to reality.

Alas there are not many super heroes’ around (if you know otherwise – I can keep a secret), however I think we feel more than ever we need to feel that there is a solution.

Life is fun exciting, challenging (in a good way) fast paced, energised and a ton of other awesome things – but it’s also overwhelming, scary and sometimes feels like you are fighting a super villain and you don’t have the super hero kit to get through it.

I’ve never had a client ask me to help them make them a super hero, however I’ve had plenty ask me to help them feel more in control of their life – and I think that is something we all desire to some degree.

Control of our lives can be eradicated when we feel frightened, un-powerful and like we are trapped in our lives. And often the first sign that we actively recognize is a comfort zone or stress.

But if you think back to our super heroes, no matter how trapped they are, they always find a way out. A solution that no one ever thought could work and that’s often what coaching is about – coming to a problem and looking at it in a unique way that enables you to find solutions to fight fear and get out of your comfort zones. And you won’t need a scientist, a rich tycoon or a devastating intergalactically incident to find those solutions.

I want to share with you some of the winning techniques I’ve used with my clients to help you too.

1. Rethink the Question “Am I Weird?”

I’ve had so many clients ask me this question, I think I should call my next book “Am I weird”!

Everyone thinks that the way they are responding, acting, feeling and thinking is unique; that they are the only person to feel like they can’t face work or their friends or their day because of a fear or a comfort zone.

We all have times like this and it’s important to remember 2 things:

There is no such thing as normal in my book

Everyone is just who they are. It doesn’t need analysing, or questioning if you like who you are. Or if who you are serves you well, respects those around you. And if giving you the life, career and happiness you want, then no, it’s not weird. And it’s all good.

The issue becomes when you find yourself trying to compare your weirdness (or lack thereof) to everyone else and how that then impacts on you.

Weird is good

Check out the best characters in film, book or TV, and you are likely to see that someone else has tried to insult them with the term “weird”.

Weird is used when you want to suggest that someone or something is different. Different is not bad, the hard bit is finding the confidence to be who you are – to embrace your differences and your weirdness.

A little useful side note – according to the Oxford English Dictionary:[1]

“ Weird – The adjective (late Middle English) originally meant ‘having the power to control destiny’”

And who wouldn’t want that?

Truly, hear me when I say – embrace your weird.

2. Listen up

Just as the newly discovered super hero struggles to accept their super skills, limitations or fears, so do you have to do the same. And if you strip back any successful story (fictional or real), you will discover it’s not a magic potion or a superior race that enables the hero to achieve success, it starts with who they listen to.

How many times in your life have you heard yourself saying:

Why didn’t I listen to my gut instinct?

Why didn’t I listen to my Mum/Aunt/Friend/Boss?

Just as being weird in its original meaning meant to be able to control destiny until you can actually do that, you do need to learn who to listen and when to listen.

Here’s how to take action on this:

Listen to yourself (sometimes)

I was working with a client who told me that they could never upset the way things worked in their company. They couldn’t tell their boss they felt there was a better way! This meant that they felt trapped in their career, incapable of achieving more and like they weren’t meeting their true potential.

Enter frustration, anger, stress, work hatred and a sense of being trapped – if only they could get out of their comfort zone and tell their boss what they thought!

Learning to trust what they knew meant that they could rationalise and justify their thoughts and reasoning and work out what to do (if anything.)

We worked together to understand why they wanted to say something:

  • Was there envy at the boss’s job or was this genuine belief that they knew a better way?
  • Could they prove what they felt was possible and the benefits to those involved?
  • Did they have ulterior motives that weren’t positive?
  • What would be the best way to move forward and why would it work best for them?

If you need to learn to listen to yourself, start by asking questions (not looking for solutions) and you will start to ask some really smart questions that help you analyse your feelings, actions, etc without guilt, stress and other negative emotions getting in the way.

This process also allows you to find answers personalised to you. In my experience, so often it’s the silly little ideas that have the most power. Okay so Dumbo is not considered a super hero – but think back to Dumbo and his magic feather that enabled him to fly, was there any magic?

Nope, but there was a belief that the magic existed – this process helps you do that.

This process also enables you to know when your own thoughts are doing their best to keep you trapped. You can become your own Kryptonite telling yourself the most awful things (that are usually not even true!) So be cautious of what you say to yourself and the questioning will help you to become more aware of this.

Choose your network wisely

We’ve all trusted someone and later questioned “How could I have let that person have had an impact on my life, thoughts and actions?”

Back to weird being a good thing, right?

But the fact is the people you choose to spend your time with can in their selves become a powerful tool to getting out of your comfort zone – but could also trap you there!

So look out for the heroes in your life, that say things like:

  • “What’s your thoughts on that? Do you think it’s a good idea?”
  • “Where did your desire to do this come from?”
  • “Do you really want that or are you hiding something from yourself?
  • “Hang on a minute, you can do this, remember the time you did xxxx”

People that can supply you with evidence of your brilliance and who reinforce the positive and your goals, but also challenge your beliefs, thoughts and actions are like gold dust (or super hero serum.)

They will enable you to be able to take a step back and really understand why your comfort zones are controlling your life. They are there to celebrate your wins, appreciate your frustrations when it doesn’t go to plan and give you the faith and confidence to keep going – don’t think you can do it all on your own.

Everyone, even super heroes get an element of confidence from their network. It’s not all internal!

And look out for the super villains who say:

  • “Are you sure you want to do that?”
  • “That sounds like a lot of work, are you up to that?”
  • “Why would you want to do that, I thought you loved your life/work/partner/house plant.”
  • “You should tell them what you really think.”

People that make comments like these aren’t looking at it from your point of view, or with your ultimate wants and needs at the heart of their responses. They are seeing it from their perspective of life and their own limitations on what they feel can be achieved; and this influences the way they respond.

Yes, there are a few social vampires out there that will try and ruin your belief in anything better but, most super villains are far subtler than that.

3. Go Deeper

In life, we often get an inkling of what needs to change or feel like something is not right. If you dig deeper, you usually find it’s not the first thoughts that were the issue.

When I work with clients, the “Go deeper” exercise always (and I genuinely mean always!) produces the big Eureka moments. It’s almost as if they are hearing their own voice for the first time.

Here’s how to do it:

  1. Firstly start with a thought (any thought related to why you feel like there is a comfort zone or a fear) and write it down.
  2. Now write below it the answer to this question: “And that means?”
  3. Now below that ask yourself: “What does that mean?”
  4. Keep going asking further questions like:
    • “So how does that affect me?”
    • “What does that mean to me?”
    • “Is that really what I think?”
    • “If this is the case what does that mean I must believe?
    • Does that serve me well?”
    • What does that mean?”

This process enables you to really explore what’s going on in your brain and can be used in so many elements in your life.

4. Be Your Own Coach

I’ve worked with coaches and mentors for many years and I don’t think I could be without one to challenge me in the ways I’ve share with you.

After years of challenging questions and realities, creating goals and getting great results, I know to a degree I can coach myself. As one coach told me “Mandie, you don’t need anyone to kick your butt – you do it for yourself” That was a good session.

So sometimes, it’s enough to coach yourself. By taking on the role of your own coach, just give yourself a little time once a month where you actually challenge what you think.

Here’s a few ideas to help make that a powerful moment:

Free write

Don’t think about what you write, just let the pen go to the paper and write anything – in the random thinking there is often the right questions and thoughts to follow – if you create the space to do it.

If you crave order and structure, don’t free flow.

If you love art, then draw. If you hate numbers and lists, steer clear of them. You want to create a new way of thinking that is natural to you, not what you read in a book or heard in the office as “a good idea.”

Learn to explore your natural style. Ask yourself: When set a task, how do I love to work, think, explore, learn and act? This will guide you to the best approach to coaching yourself.

Create your own discipline

Do you need to diary time to be your own coach or is it enough to know that you want to do this and get results? Just like finding your natural style, you need to learn how you will create your own definition of discipline.

Get this wrong and you’re highly unlikely to be taking action in 3 months’ time!

Tell someone

I’ve seen some awesome planners laid out in many colours with lots of tabs and tons of ideas. But as that new client realized, great ideas are little use without action.

The first step to the action is to actually tell someone you are going to do it. Do you need to declare your goal online? Phone a friend or just stick a picture on your kitchen wall?

You will learn what makes you take action, which leads to our last idea…

5. Know When to Start And Stop

Knowing what to do and actually taking action and knowing when to stop and when to go for it are 2 very important skills.

If you take action on what we talked about today, you will not only challenge yourself, but also challenge those that can manipulate and mould you.

You will learn to trust and have faith. Llittle by little (not always – some clients see massive levels of change after just a couple of hours), you will step out of your comfort zone. As I described it to one client years ago:

“Some people like to slowly step out of their comfort zones and others like to leap so far out that they can’t see it any more. Learn to know which you are.”

Neither is wrong, neither is right. Some people like big challenges, big goals and big actions; others like no one to know what they aim to challenge but quietly work through their action plan to achieve it.

The true super hero in any film learns to know what works for them, accept it, love and go for it. And they don’t need a scientist, a tycoon or super villains either.

Reference

[1] Oxford English Dictionary: Weird
  • May 21, 2019

20 Coping Skills for Stress That Will Help You Stay Strong

My latest article for Life Hack

If you have a preference on what I write, please do get in touch.

Few things in life are guaranteed, although I can be quite certain when I say:

Someone is going to really annoy you. Someone is going to die and leave you feeling empty and unable to go on. Something out of the blue is going to challenge you to the core of your humanity. Something is going to breakdown and stop working at the most inopportune moment you could imagine. You are going to spend money on something you really don’t want to. You are going to be forced to do something you never thought you’d do. You are going to face a challenge that feels completely soul destroying…

How can you know these things, Mandie?

I hear you ask.

Well because as my dear Nan used to say “In every life, a little rain must fall.” Looking back as I watched Nan cook a meal worthy of gods or any childhood dream sequence I know I used to struggle with what that saying meant.

Of course some rain must fall, we would die without water, I used to think.

However on the other side of childhood where bills, maintenance, insurance and other boring things exist, I’m pretty sure I get the true meaning of that saying.

The intriguing thing is that I’m a keen reader and find that so much in personal and professional development and in the pursuit of happiness is aimed at ensuring we don’t just have wellies, brollies and waterproofs, to protect us from the rain in life, but that we are so far removed from any wet stuff we can’t appreciate the damage that this polar opposite can also have on our positive existence.

I want to share with you some of the top coping skills for life that aren’t just good for the rainy days, they can have a serious impact on your life.

Into every life, some tough times appear, it is not the tough times that define us, it’s how we deal with them that does.

All very well having great sentiments like that; however when your car has broken down, you feel ill and can’t stop because deadlines are looming, your cat’s puked in your shoes, your phone won’t hold a charge, and they are making people redundant at work it can be hard to have the a positive “Can do” attitude.

Let’s look at what to do (And I promise to make these ideas easy to action, life changing if applied, fast and reliable. Promise):

1. Find out the Real Cause of the Problem

I’m a keen believer that if you can’t see what’s going on, I mean really see, then you can’t fix it. I’m often coaching a client who will walk in telling me that X is the issue when 20 minutes later we’ve delved into their minds and discovered that X was just a symptom of the problem.

And as you probably know treating symptoms and not the actual problem rarely works. The real issue is left to carry on wrecking your health, happiness and mental well being.

How does this apply in stressful situations? Have you ever had a friend that was pregnant, or you lost or gained weight, or realized that you were “suddenly” in this really bad habit of walking in the door at night and instantly grabbing a cold beverage?

That didn’t just start, over time that gradually became more prominent. And when things sneak into our lives, be a beautiful baby bump or an unwanted 10lb, it didn’t just land on you overnight.

2. Ask Yourself the Difficult Questions

So to find out how you are coping with stressful situations, ask yourself some questions:

  • How do I feel right now on a scale of 1 to 10? (10 being awesome and 1 being awful)
  • Is there a pattern to the way I feel caused by my environment?
  • Is there a pattern to the way I feel caused by my beliefs?
  • Is there a pattern to the way I feel caused by my work?

Take the time to process your response to these 4 questions. They could become powerful in every aspect of your life.

3. Notice Your Reactions

When we become aware of our surroundings, our situation and the way they make us feel we need to learn to notice the impact of these things.

Not to start moaning at ourselves and berating us for being lazy, thick, stupid, sloppy, etc, just to notice. Above is about noticing the patterns we create, and this skill is about noticing how it impacts on you.

  • How does it make you feel?
  • How does it make you act?
  • How does it make you behave?
  • How does it make you think?

At this stage you don’t have to think, do, say or act any differently just notice what happens in stressful situations.

4. Measure and Locate Where You Are Now

Peter Drucker famously says,[1]

“If you can’t measure it, you can’t improve it.”

Therefore when you start to notice how you feel, act and behave in stressful times and have understood more about the way it impacts on you, you are then in a position to create a benchmark graph.[2]

5. Be Honest About Your Progress

In stressful situations, we can find ourselves with our heads down in the proverbial sand, with our hands over our ears yelling “la, la, la, la, la”.

While as kids, that’s hilarious to watch kids do that, as we grow up it’s a bit of an ice cold slap in the face that not being honest doesn’t fix anything and stops us from changing things. Be honest as you create the above bench mark graph.

Being honest is a powerful thing. When you’re honest with yourself, you raise self awareness and anyone looking to achieve anything in the 21st century is going to be determined to improve their own self awareness as we are starting to appreciate the power this can have.

Although Tasha Eurich[3] shares some scary research on this. Tasha Eurich, author of Insight; Why we’ve not as self aware as we think and how seeing ourselves clearly helps us succeed at work and in life says in an interview for Harvard Business Review that “95% of people believe they’re self-aware, however only about 10-15% actually are.” Adding “The joke I always make is that on a good day, 80% of us are lying to ourselves about whether we’re lying to ourselves.”[4]

6. Be Honest to Your World

In stressful times, it is not just important to be honest to ourselves, it’s important that you’re honest to those that are in your world. Some find that they can do this in their personal life but wouldn’t dream of saying anything at work; whereas others bottle it all up, with a smile and a lie that says “I’m fine.”

7. If You Aren’t Fine, Say It

You don’t have to turn into a moaning black cloud of doom, but being honest helps you and other people.

Showcasing your own limitations and stress can help other people to see the human that you are. We feel more connected to those that share honestly and are more likely to want to help them and at the very least probably less likely to add more to your work load.

I worked with someone that was petrified that work would find out how much they were struggling with the work load. This is what the conversation went like (and I’m sharing it so you can ask yourself similar questions):

Client: “I’m really struggling to hold it together.”

Me: “Have you told anyone?”

Client: “I can’t do that, it would be professional suicide. They’d be circling around me ready to pick the bones of my career in seconds.”

Me: “Do you know that to be true?”

Client: “It’s not worth the risk to find out.”

Me: “So if you don’t say something, what are you agreeing to?”

Client: “Feeling overwhelmed, stressed and about ready to quit.”

Me: “And are you happy to stay there or would you like to be somewhere else?”

Client: “Obviously somewhere else, but I can’t see how that’s possible.

Me: “Are you prepared to explore where you would like to be and how to get there?”

You can guess the answer! And using the tools below, guess what they discovered?

They weren’t alone! It was an issue throughout the department and changes were made for everyone. A bit of honesty can go along way!

8. Take Actions to Change

In stressful situations, the human being is pre-programmed to do everything in its power to escape the situation it finds itself in.

Fight or flight doesn’t really do this pre-programming justice. We are still alive because since the dawn of our time we’ve been able to adapt, change and escape situations that other species succumb to.

The issue is that we also fear change. I get more speaking engagements and corporate coaching gigs because people are struggling with change than possibly any other subject. The fact is while we can appreciate change can help in stressful situations, knowing and doing is not the same thing.

Ask yourself what could I change about this situation? (This is not what am I going to do, this is about making suggestions about what you could do.) And if they are the suggestions that have been rattling around in your head for the last few weeks, or keep you awake at night, they are less likely to be useful.

Really get in touch with your subconscious (and the good ideas) by asking:

“If money, time, skill, health, magic, beliefs or values weren’t factors in this situation what could I do?”

This enables your mind to explore some whacky ideas, however as Einstein (may have said) Creativity is intelligence having fun. And this exercise enables your mind to have some fun.

9. Don’t Change What You Can’t Change

I worked with a large organization that had been through massive change. Everyone had stepped up to the challenge, but everyone was really stressed. Those that were struggling the most kept reminding me that “it hadn’t always been like this”, and “the old way was a lot easier”.

Not all change can be controlled. And when we fight it, we can find ourselves escalating stress. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is learn to go with the flow.

If you don’t “choose” to go with the flow, ask yourself:

What are you agreeing to?

This questions enables you to see that you are going to get negative emotions, actions, conversations, damaged relationships and even health issues.

Change is sometimes dumped on us like a storm clouds contents, you could stand and moan at the storm cloud but it won’t stop you from getting wet.

10. Ask Yourself: Are You Creating It?

Some of life’s stresses are man made. And I’m not talking about someone else, I’m talking about you.

It is an ugly fact that none of us want to look at (so be brave) however have the strength to ask “Am I creating this stress?”

Remember to be honest. And let the answers come to you.

11. Know that Sh*t Happens

First spotted in the 60’s, this has been a famous saying since at least the 80’s, why? Because stuff does just happen.

As humans we are always looking for reason and understanding. “Why did this happen to me?” and we can often find ourselves down a rabbit run looking for ghosts of answers that just don’t exist.

Sometimes bad stuff happens. This does not define you. This is not a personal vendetta from a god or unseen deity, seriously sometimes all you can do is accept those 2 words – sh*t happens.

12. Control Your Mindset

A quick way to find yourself suffering an intenser version of stress is when you try to control it.

As a coach, I believe we can get out of situations and move forward, however I also know from the coping skill above that when we try to force the universe to bend in a new way, it can use up a lot of energy concentrating on the wrong things.

You can control what you think, you can change your actions, and sometimes the most powerful skill is to accept that this is out of your hands. Self awareness will help you understand the differences and what to do and when.

13. Say No More Often

We talked about the need to be honest and if you explore this coping mechanism further, you will see that as humans we really want to be liked. We want to get on with our neighbours, or colleagues our friend’s friends. The issue with this in stressful times we really do need to turn around and say things like:

  • No sorry I can’t help you.
  • No, now is not a good time.
  • No, I’m not finding this easy.
  • No, I can’t do it.

The reason we don’t say things like this is because we fear what people think of us. We want to be liked. We don’t want people think we don’t care, which leads me onto the next point.

14. Embrace Weakness

The above statements are often held in our heads unsaid because we don’t want to appear weak, awkward, incapable and a ton of other negatives. The interesting thing is that what we think people are thinking about us is so often untrue.

Take the client above that feared telling their boss they were struggling with their work load. On the contrary to looking weak and incapable, the whole department got a makeover. That’s not weak, that’s powerful.

Watch out for the incorrect falsehoods that you let hang out in your head. They are making stressful situations a lot harder!

The next time it feels weak to be honest or to say no, ask yourself “Does the way I currently think serve me well?”

15. Set Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are important to us all. It feels great when we get on holiday and we can do what we like when we like, however left like that for more than a few weeks and things can disintegrate and fall apart.

We need boundaries. And at stressful times, boundaries can really help. They enable you to feel safe to be honest and work and think in a way that helps you and they set out what you will tolerate and deal with and what you wont.

Remember creating boundaries is a lot like saying no and most of the negative thoughts you are having around boundaries are imaginary too. If you aren’t going to answer work email at 10pm on a Saturday night, don’t.

Establish your boundaries, communicate them and stick by them.

16. Get Passionate About Something

In stressful times, we can find ourselves living in negative, soul destroying emotions and moods. To the point that we can attempt to numb ourselves from them.

The next time the emotions start to impact on you, think about all of the things that you are passionate about.

No one need know what you are thinking about, so if you find yourself thinking about your dog before your partner, that’s fine.

Get yourself a big old list that makes you smile. Even if the smile doesn’t feel real, your brain is still benefiting. When we get really bogged down in stressful times, it can be hard to believe that we will ever feel good again.

We can’t change everything instantly but interestingly (and I find miraculously), we can change our mindset in the click of a finger. Getting passionate could help you do that.

17. Ask for What You Truly Want

If you need time, a hug, a conversation, a massage, a run, a nap, a walk, a helping hand, ask for it.

Of all the fears in my book Fight the Fear, so many come back to the fear of what other people will think of us and I’ve heard so many people tell me that they’ve learnt to ask for what they want.

Stop fearing asking for what you need. Learn to accept that asking for what you want not only helps you navigate through stressful times, it also helps you to achieve more in life too.

18. Ditch the Guilt

Guilt just loves tough times. It will be able to give you a voice in your head that tells you:

  • This is all your fault.
  • You never get it right.
  • You’ve always failed at this.
  • You should have taken better care of that.
  • You weren’t good enough to get that job.
  • If someone had to go, it had to be you.
  • No one sticks around you for long.
  • This is you, what were you expecting?

That voice is worse than Cruella Deville, Voldemort and Hannibel Lector combined. It’s intent on destroying your determination and happiness.

Have you noticed how some people go through hell and keep going and others suffer far less and give up? The reason they keep going is not some shot of good fortune, it comes down to the what they let happen in their head. So chuck the guilt.

19. Never Hate Stress

It’s no good hating stressful times, it won’t make them magically disappear.

Stress is an essential component to your body. Without some stress between bones, muscles, skin, etc you would be a floppy mess on the floor.

Stress can help us grow and learn so much about ourselves. What could you discover about you from the stress you face right now?

20. Start Moving

When life feels too tough, we can be tempted to hide our heads under the duvet and say “give me a call in 2050, I will come out when its all over”

Trust me, I include myself in that one.

In my personal life, I’ve seen a lot of awful things this year. Don’t try and be super human, as I read in The Last Highlander, when you face the most horrific of times, just concentrate on getting one foot in front of the other.

Go the Extra Mile

In stressful times we need people around us that will go the extra mile, and I’m one of those.

Watch out for the sappers of positivity and remember the basics – sleep, eat, breathe– get those in the right measures especially when you are struggling, you see as Nan so wisely knew we can’t hide from tough times, we can’t make them magically disappear, however like a storm cloud it will eventually go away.

And behind it is left that fresh new smell that says, “Mmm anything is possible”

And do you know what?

It is…

More Coping Skills to Learn

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Drucker Institute: About Peter Drucker
[2] Mandie Holgate: Bench Mark Graph
[3] Tasha Eurich: Insight
[4] Harvard Business Review: What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It)
  • May 21, 2019

I know why you will work on a bank holiday – and you aren’t going to like it.

I know you have a mountain of things to get done and the bank holiday seems like a great opportunity to get ahead, right?

But here’s the thing, I once created a 10 day week for a client, and they could see that no matter how much time you create – you will fill it.

Mountains of research points to the benefits on your minds ability to problem solve, get creative, get productive and even sell more from having a bit of down time. Space.

That’s not checking your phone. That’s going for a bike ride. Painting a picture. Walking the dog. Yoga. The Gym. A barbecue with friends. Reading for no other reading than you love the book. Tinkering in your garage/studio/hobby room or garden.

Just real brain space from work.

The reason you won’t do it is because there’s a real fear hiding there;

  • The fear that you will let someone down.
  • That you will miss out on an opportunity.
  • That someone will think badly of you.
  • That you will look unprofessional.
  • That you won’t get it all done. (MYTH; No one ever gets it all done. Those that are looking to achieve big, that believe in more will ALWAYS be able to find something else that “needs to be done.”)
  • That you believe the only way to success is through agonising hours and making sacrifices (Assumptions are never good for success.)

The list of excuses for not turning off the phone and stepping away is endless. And I’ve probably heard them all;

  • You don’t get it.
  • It can’t be done like that tin our industry.
  • It must be done immediately.
  • I’m very driven – and it has to happen today.
  • No one leaves these.
  • Etc, etc.

In every case the client has been able to see the detrimental effect that needing to work 24/7 has on their long-term success, their happiness, their family and friends, their health even their ability to make more money.

So, trust me when I say, step away from the phone/laptop/report.

Escape.

If you want lasting success – Escape. It’s just one day.

But before you escape you need to;

  • Work out what fears stop you. Fixing one day won’t fix the fear – find it, take ownership of it and get a plan of action to fight it. (I’ve seen this work so powerfully, thus please do take action.)
  • Put into place clear structure to your working day – that others know and respect too. You may work at 7 am and 8 pm but is that 7 days a week? Is there an hour on a Thursday where you go to a class that is yours? Don’t be afraid to own time.
  • Put boundaries in place – if you will answer emails 24/7 do you expect everyone else to as well or is it just you that needs to be a superhero?
  • Know your goals. If your goal for this month is to achieve X – how will that still happen with 2 working days off? What needs to happen? Who needs to know? What adjustments do you need to make? (A great thing to remember here is if you can make 2 days disappear for fun this month and still achieve your goals, think how much more you could get done next month since you will be gaining 2 days!)
  • Trust – have faith. Don’t get me wrong I can still hyperventilate if there’s a lot going on at work about turning the phone off for 17 days (last holiday duration) but with the right processes, the right clients, the right team, the right attitude and the right believes – wow it’s good for you and your success.

Not feeling it?

Feel this is impossible to do?

I’m more than  happy to have a chat anytime. Well you know how it is right?

 

  • May 6, 2019

I’d be mortified if…

A business woman walks in and sits down.

This lady has never had coaching before and is clearly nervous.

Within half an hour they have told me their life story and probably every embarrassing thing that is rattling around in their head that;

  • Makes them feel inadequate.
  • Stops them from taking action.
  • Stops them for asking for what they want.
  • Makes them feel like an imposter.
  • Makes them feel like a bad mum/boss/friend/partner/human.
  • Impacts on what they get out of their personal and professional life.

Wind the coaching session on about 25 minutes from that moment and they are starting to really understand what is impacting on their life and not just what they could do about it but why it’s imperative they do it.

And I’ve found myself more and more noticing that so many women do this…

  1. They tell me they feel like a bad Mum because they shouted at their kids – I tell them about how I cleaned my son’s bathroom and left the cloths, cleaning products etc on a tray on my sons bed (including the dirt and other contents you’d find in a teens bathroom!) “That’s different” they say.
  2. They tell me how they feel like a failure because they failed to do something – I tell them that thanks to Lupus it’s an amazing achievement to answer an email with 48 hours. “That’s different” they say.

I could go on, however the point is that we look at other people’s mistakes, faux pas, and cock ups and we forgive them. We accept they are human and that mistakes happen.

Flip that around and look at the same mistakes, faux pas’s and cock ups and in your own life and boy can you get harsh!

If you don’t know how to fix this discrepancy that could be costing you dearly start with these thoughts;

“If I can continue to assume that I have to be perfect then what am I saying I expect from my children?”

“For what reason is it okay to make mistakes at work but not make mistakes with parent hood?”

“For what reason(s) do I expect perfection and what impact(s) is it having on me, my life and my goals?”

You see ultimately no one gets through life without making a few mistakes and as long as you keep beating yourself up about them then guess what it will do to you, your actions and your results?

And lastly aim to remember what happened in 1 area in your life on 1 day – not everyone in the world knows about it – so stop acting as if they do – it’s killing your success rate, happiness and fun!

  • April 29, 2019

The surrealist day of my career and how it could help you be more successful.

You look around the room and can’t quite work out what emotion it is you are supposed to be feeling. It’s all a bit surreal.

  • There’s a magician performing up close magic on a space man.
  • Mary Poppins is having a chat with one of the top digital media experts in the country.
  • Usually instead of women making up the minority in a room, there’s 45 women, 5 men and 1 baby….oh and the Spaceman.
  • There’s a skull branded in Sweden’s flag’s colours.
  • And a woman has dyed her hair the colour of your business. (That’s loyalty!)
  • There’s radio presenter who fell in your hot tub live on air (no we aren’t friends outside of work) there to interview you.
  • And surrealists of all your face is next to the Queen, Boudica, Michelle Obama and other great women throughout time. Where do you cut on that cake!

It’s possibly one of the surrealist’s days in my career.

And if 15 years ago someone had said;

“Mandie you will have the confidence to speak to 200+ business owners” – I would have laughed. “Me? Never I can’t even sit in a coffee shop on my own! Let alone publicly speak” (Yes I used to lack confidence, was mega shy and hated public speaking.)

Or

“Mandie you will be an international author with clients on every continent, have so many awards you can’t keep up with them all, feature on national TV and even visit 10 Downing Street for your work” I’d have added “For what? I’m no one special.” I honestly never thought I’d achieve anything much. Things just kind of landed at my feet and I’d run with them. So looking around that room I did think “How?”

How did that nervous, shy, un-confident, scared little mouse do all that!

I want to share some of the how and I look forward to hearing what it helps you achieve;

Dump the false version of you

Mandie from 15 years ago that struggled to walk into a networking event believed;

  • She had to wear a suit because she thought it would make her confident – it didn’t.
  • She thought she needed to know more than she did – she didn’t.
  • She thought she’d be able to tell people about the life changing results of coaching and they’d buy it straight away – they didn’t!

So dump the false version of you and the things that aren’t working. Be honest and get help.

Next find your natural skills – yes you have plenty.

My career started in insurance and swiftly moved into the car industry. Looking after customers whose week has been wrecked because their car has been in a car accident. And how are they going to get anywhere with no car? We were in rural Suffolk so to see a bus was a novelty and no car, meant no shopping, no getting the kids to school, no work – life stopped. You can imagine how it could feel?

We were dealing with heavily stressed people every day. Car parts were the other side of the world instead of on my customers car and even when the sun was shining, and no cars were falling off the roads into ditches (No accidents equalled no work but still 25 salaries to pay!) I could still fill a garage with enough work for 25 employees. I’d (stupidly) assumed that if I could do that in the car industry I’d easily migrate those skills to my coaching practice.

How wrong could I have been?

But different to many who find themselves in that situation – I didn’t keep doing the same things.

Within a year of setting up my business I was making money;

  • I’d set up The BWN,
  • I’d featured in the press countless times.
  • Been on the radio so many times I thought I could get on the BBC’s pay roll.
  • And I’d even come to the attention of the Home office (for good reasons) for my work with women in business.

And the first thing that changed was my confidence.

I always say you can have the best products and services in the world. The best marketing strategy, the most gorgeous perfect brand, and the best team but if you lack confidence personally you will still damage your results. Scary right?

  • I went on every course I could to learn.
  • I read every book I could squeeze in around a dog, 2 kids, 2 businesses and a busy life.
  • I became a proverbial knowledge sponge and realised that it would always be a good action for success.

Which means for you;

Build your confidence – Yes, I worked with a coach. Yes, I found a mentor and yes, I made sure I networked with the right people – that is so critical for lasting success and research agrees with me (Or vice a versa) that especially for women to reach the top you have got to get out there – network and work that network too – that means asking for business and asking the right questions. Back to needing confidence right

Never stop learning. I met someone this week who told me they’d learnt all they needed to be the best version of them they could be. I hadn’t meant to (I’d meant to just think it!) but I’d spurted out “Seriously? In your 40’s you feel you can learn nothing more about yourself or need to do anything else to stay the best version of you?”

I couldn’t help myself, but I added “I’m in my 40’s too and the more I know the more I feel I need to learn.”

Learning about yourself is not something done once and forgot about – is there anything in life that is?

The more you build your emotional intelligence and understand the science of being you the more success you will have. The more resilience you will have and your ability to cope with anything (without being a stressed out trapped on a hamster wheel burnt out husk of a human) will soar.

Don’t fight it – let it flow.

I still have to use my own coaching strategies on myself to ensure this doesn’t get to me. Because I’m a doer.

If something is not working.

I fix it.

I look for solutions.

I bore easily and so if it is not working I want answers fast. (And yes, I’m inpatient too!) So it’s been hard for me to learn that while you need to build a brand, reputation and get the sales in I also need to accept that what is best for me and my business is coming. I can experience stress if things aren’t happening fast enough. The perfect example is that time and time again while sat on the sofa watching a box set an opportunity has landed on my lap that has added a whole new arm to my business – “Do you offer training for the NHS Mandie?” I didn’t but I do now!

How did that happen? – they just phoned me out of the blue. (They’d met me somewhere (they thought) or heard about me somewhere. See the importance of awesome evergreen marketing? (Evergreen means it’s always working for you and always visible). You can see how you need to get your marketing working well and talking powerfully to the right people right?

“Hi Mandie do you offer corporate away day coaching for large groups?” Well I didn’t, but I do now! Again think about who I was talking to and what I was saying and in what context that it resonated so strongly that they got in touch in the first place. How does your brand and communications need to alter accordingly?

Both of these (and so many more just landed in my lap when I was least expecting them. Okay so I do have a set of goals every year and they say things like:

  • Grow the speaking area of business to £X by September
  • Get paid to write
  • Get paid to deliver online training by July.

And I do create;

  • A plan of action.
  • Back burner ideas
  • What to be aware of.
  • Know the timeline to results.

As I would with clients – but I still have to sit back and say “It’s going to happen Mand, get back to your boxset/life/day.

Say no

In the automotive industry I loved the high octane, 50 phone calls an hour, so many faxes (do you remember those?) that they scrolled across the office floor. Floods, Storms, Blizzards – we were there. Even heavily pregnant I still logistically ensured we collected over 100 cars in less than 18 hours with only 3 recovery vehicles from across 3 counties when the worst storms to hit Europe in over a decade caused chaos and cost people their lives (I even found time to increase the insurance to cover the insane value of the vehicles on premises that night!) however I learnt the hard way that I’m not a god, a super hero or a robot. And by saying yes to everyone and everything it was taking its toll. Learning to become a person that says no to what is not right for me, my family or friends, my goals, my business or even my health has had a positive dramatic effect on every aspectf of my life. And that needs…

To know when to listen and when to ignore.

Years ago I was told by someone that I couldn’t be a successful business woman because I was too happy. That comment haunted me for ages and really impacted on my business as I tried to mould myself into their definition of success. It’s all very well to know what you want but you have to learn to ignore people to get it….and know when to listen to people. This mission statement I still live by to this day and I frequently ask clients, BWN business men and women and even the coordinators if we are still getting it right.Mission statement for the bwn networking founder mandie holgate Know when to trust that gut instinct of yours (there’s a lot of science behind what is actually there, and it’s not just guess work!) trust it.

And know when to make changes.

Utlimately my success is only down to the quality of the people I hang out with so I finish by saying check your network helps you do everyting I suggest in this article. And if they don’t you can guess what I suggest you do!

 

  • April 2, 2019

How to keep it simple and achieve more – this tips work powerfully!

A post on LinkedIn and then in a group created a lot of “Oh yes!” and “I’m so guilty of this! comments. It led to me thinking about my clients.

Already this year I’ve worked with some amazing coaching clients and because we are into February I’m starting to see people for a second time (a lot of clients like to see me every 4 to 6 weeks if we are working together long-term and not on a fear or a short term goal which we achieve so they don’t need me anymore.) And I love hearing about a client’s progress. Recently I have noticed a bit of a trend.

Not for the first time this week I’ve heard a client say, “Why did I make that so complicated!”

Because so often to achieve big in life we assume it’s got to be really tough, complicated or detailed. We think it’s got to be rocket science or brain surgery – beyond the capabilities of most of us.

So whether you are looking to;

  • achieve something big,
  • overcome a life long fear,
  • deal with that constant sense of overwhelm and overload
  • or just find the easiest way forward

Here’s a few tips on how to keep it simple inspired by my clients. In case this months budget doesn’t stretch to a couple of hours with me;

One client sat back, glared at me and rolled their eyes “I knew this would be hard” They said. “Well” I replied, “If you think it’s going to be hard guess what you’re going to get?” They laughed and scowled at the same time (because they knew I was right!) The fact is that before you get started assess what you think;

  • Do you think it’s going to be hard work?
  • Tough to find a solution?
  • That you’ve tried everything and there is no solution?

What ever you think will ripple though to your actions and results so choose wisely.

When you’ve finished creating a plan of action ask yourself “Can I remove something?” Be your life editor, just like a real editor who will always find something that can be cut question every action, pathway and choice. Is it really necessary and going to get to where you want to go or is it a distraction so you can feel like you got somewhere (even if you didn’t!)?

Do less. Sometimes people are shocked by how few hours I can work in a week and still achieve so much. (Okay some of that is Lupus) however ultimately, I work in a way that is so powerful that I know what I’m doing, why I’m doing it and what result I want from it. I don’t have a detailed planner, app mapping out of every detail, or chart, why? Because, well that’s the next top tip.

I’m an in the moment, live life to the fullest, go with the flow but make sure you are getting what you really want (and don’t let anything or anyone stand in the way!) kind of person. I know that I love nature and the sound of the sea instantly makes me breathe deeply and think of some of the happiest days of my life. I know what makes me happy. What makes me mad. What makes me stressy and what makes me demotivated just as well as I know what makes me get on with it. If you want to achieve more don’t jump onto the next populist band wagon on this years “Must have” way of working with this “must read” book. To truly achieve more look inside you. I know it sounds corny and from a cheesy TV ad, but hey its true. So deal with it. Literally. Stop right now and ask who am I really? When you know that you can work out the most natural way to work, think and get results. Simple right? But you will be surprised how many new clients tell me about this new trend or that book that is not working for them and yet they battle through thinking they are wrong and not the book! Not every book or trend was written for you. Well maybe Harry Potter is the exception.

Simplify your goals to mere words. My goals are researched, broken down, questioned, analysed, planned, and constantly monitored to check for results, accountability, focus and even productivity and impac ton my long term goals. But to really achieve I can tell you 3 words that sum up every thing I wish to achieve this year;

Breath                  Read                     Walk

Sounds too simple right?

However while this is simple to get to 3 words, I had 3 sentences that had all the coaching, research and back ground to ensure I’d do exactly what I would need to do. Ultimately if you can’t think of your goals in mere seconds then how aer you going to achieve them?

If you are struggling to achieve your goals, or don’t even know where to start please feel free to give me a call so we can find out if I can help you. There are many ways I can help including a confidential mastermind group that is accessible 24/7 for just £5 a month – I know you think “how can something be awesome that is that small a cost?” Right?

It’s because I genuinely care and aim to help 1 million people this year – which is why my online courses are the same price too. Simple right?

  • February 7, 2019

It’s the little things…

A new client sat down opposite me and offloaded (nothing new there).

But what was different was that no matter what I said or what coaching tools I used this person did not want to look at the things that they said was they wanted to work on!

How can you help someone achieve more when they won’t talk about it?

Over the course of two hours I asked so many questions to find out what they needed. As I coach I recap with my clients so they can see the journey we are on together. It is always fascinating, often enlightening and sometimes even a little nerve wracking as someone takes you into the depths of their mind.

By the end of the session this client had a plan of action that was in no way connected to what they said they wanted to deal with. While I’m quite used to people discovering the true issues in their way or the actual things that need sorting so they can get on with the big picture. This was a small part of their life and yet to them it was an obstacle that literally filled 2 hours and the client couldn’t see how to pass it.

When we deviate so far from what the client brings to the session originally I will bring their attention back to what they said they wanted to discuss and see what they think. This client blurted out “I didn’t want to talk about any of that!”

“I know” I replied. “How does that feel?” I asked.

They didn’t know. So I reminded them that if they didn’t feel they got any benefit from our time together then they don’t pay me (simple easy guarantee right?) They booked for 6 weeks time, I sent a coaching report and started to get messages…

I tell all of my clients they are welcome to get in touch any time;

  • Got a wobble? I’m there!
  • Something exciting happened? I’m there!
  • Need a second opinion? I’m there!

This client started messaging me to say that the plan of action was in place and that they’d not met much objection from those that it would impact. (A good start right?)

Then they went quiet. I never panic about this, because if they go quiet I know they know I’m there for them and that I trust that they are more than capable of being amazing (I’ve plenty of evidence of clients doing amazing things to be confident in this). I’m just the vehicle to get them going, keep them focused and accountable and ensure they get there.

When I met that client for the second time, it was like I was looking at a shinier version. Before I could even take my seat they held my hand and said with a smile “I didn’t know what to make of our first session, because it wasn’t what I’d planned to talk about, but I now know why it was the way it was.”

This client went on to describe how much of life had changed since our session together. Not just in one area, but across the board. From family and social life, to dog walking and profit margins. Something had shifted.

“But how could big things come from something so small?”They asked.

It’s a good point.

The fact is that no matter what you want to achieve, no matter what you face – you will find your brain will create a ton of ideas. Some good. Some lousy. Some damn right ridiculous. All of them will play on your mind. Whirl around driving you crazy and little will move you forward. Our coaching session had enabled this client to step away from all of that (and a ton of other stuff) to find a starting point. And had we not dealt with the start first (obvious really) then they couldn’t have moved on to the big stuff they want to achieve.

ACTION; The next time you find yourself asking “What should I do?” Don’t just look for the big answers. It’s likely that what you really need to start on will be far smaller. But it’s the small stuff that we ignore at our peril.

I’m happy to have a chat about how I can help you. If your budget is tiny but your ambitions big I’ve courses and books that will fit and if you want to invest working with me this year. I’d be honoured to join you on your journey. It’s an exciting journey that I never tire of!

  • January 29, 2019

Distracted, shiny things and losing focus – how to stay accountable and get results

So many of us get distracted by new ideas and opportunities and what can be even more scary is we often don’t even notice that!

Clients may start coaching with me to fix a problem, grow a career or business or to build confidence however they stick around as retained clients because I keep the motivated, focused and accountable. Things that can easily fall away when we get side tracked into what looks like an opportunity too good to pass. You can learn more here and I’m always happy to have a chat.

  • January 10, 2019

Oh Wow!

I wonder if you do the same as me?

Someone says something uber nice or cool about me and I just smile, maybe thank them and quickly dismiss it. Don’t get me wrong. I’m proud to be Mandie Holgate* however I rarely hold on to what people say;

“That was an awesome keynote Mandie, you’ve changed my life”

That’s nice I think, but I don’t think “Wow Mandie, aren’t you amazing!”

So is that a good thing or a bad?

For me I know that I’ve processed all of the above thoughts and personally I like to think “I’m only as good as my next coaching client session, next key note or next article.” I rarely hold on to the past successes (although I would add I do acknowledge they exist.)

And the reason I do this is because I want to always be upping my game, improving, learning and striving to be the very best coach, speaker and writer I can be.

So why do I tell you this?

Because before every coaching session or speaking engagement I’m as nervous as I was the first time! Okay so not that nervous, but nervous enough to notice and nervous enough to question “Is there something you need to process and understand here Mandie?” Usually the answer is no, because I realise it’s just me mentally preparing to perform in the best way I can. However I did stop just now when I received another message saying;

“Oh Wow Mandie, this is why people rave about working with you.”

(The rest of that message is confidential!)

The point is I was just about ready to reply with “so pleased working with me is working for you. Keep in touch, etc, etc” When I stopped and thought “Mandie you gave that person 2 hours of your life and you changed their life, how awesome is that?”

So for just the slightest moment I’ve let myself really feel that persons message and it feels like I’m standing on the top of a high mountain top  looking out over the beautiful ocean, maybe a few whales or dolphins are swimming by giving me the “Hi Mandie” Flipper wave and the sun feels like the powerful energy source it is as it electrifies every wave in the ocean and I really do say to myself “Oh Wow.”

We rarely take the time to notice the impact we have on people; every day, in our work, in our lives and just in the way we may treat strangers in the street. Take a moment and appreciate your “Oh Wowness” and please feel free to share them with me on social media. I love hearing about your awesomeness.

 

*Are you proud to be you? I asked this because rarely can we stand up and be honest about this, and can you guess the impact that this can have on your results and successes?

 

  • October 31, 2018