An interesting little question that I helped a client create this week has had massive levels of impact on their chosen thoughts and actions and as result impacted on their performance.
It is like a little algorithm that I’ve found working on myself and other clients too. It is this;
“If I choose to drop xxx then I can choose to get xxx”
Interestingly as a coach I’ve helped people to;
The fact is this little algorithm, works powerfully in so many ways for so many people.
As so many great thinkers, leaders and philosophers over time have proved time and time again it is when we can explain things in their simplest format that we are able to understand the most.
And with this little algorithm, it enables a client to get to what really is holding them back in their ambitions, dreams and big goals for success.
That little algorithm is very beautiful and perfect. It makes my work sound so easy and simple. It is in the process that we create that the client can use that algorithm with power to get what they want in life. My clients are all incredible, finding their own way to process what is going on in their head.
Together we create something very powerful, even more powerful than an algorithm!
My client knocked at my door, totally dejected and like the metaphorically worlds problems were their fault and problems to solve all alone. They walked in looking like thunder and Cruella DeVille, grunted yes to a cup of tea and splurged on 3 conversations at once as they tried to deviate from the moment we would actually talk about what was making them so p***ed off.
They knew as well I did that it would take some work and honesty to find solutions, but that we always did, but it didn’t stop this person walking in like a dinosaur with a boil on its butt the size of Lithuania pulsating away destroying any chance of real thought and happiness.
I could practically feel their despondency, despair and lack of passion for anything. It was like a tangible thing trying to eradicate the happiness from the room. Black and oppressive. The person I knew seemed consumed by? Well? Crap, life, too much stuff and a sense of complete overwhelm.
This client is not alone in bringing me their despair and despondency and from the years of helping people to stay on track, achieve more and feel damn good about it, I know a lot of things that really work to get you back to happiness and away from hell.
Here’s a quick read guide to 3 things that could make today better (and probably help you steer clear of some crap too);
Got it sussed!
It’s tough to look at your life and be honest and say “Mmm, things aren’t good, are they?” to be fair that’s a pretty bland quote, usually it’s more along the lines of “If I don’t sort my Sh*t out I don’t know what’s going to happen” or something similar.
The ironic thing is that as a coach and someone that people naturally talk to (my children are always complaining I talk to everyone and can always find a commonality to have a chat over!) I know that my clients are not alone. The amount of times I’ve shared a Facebook Live and then been inundated with people saying “thank you for your honesty Mandie, My life has been plagued with this” or “I thought I was the only person that feels like this!”
The fact is that you are doing your best and while that doesn’t always feel like enough trust me when I say you are doing fine. If you can be bothered to read an article about being happy and achieving more you are not going to fail in the long term. When I first wrote Fight the fear, I would have some people come up after a speaking engagement and say “I thought I was fearless” (to which I would usually sigh) only for them to admit that they had the very fear I’d been talking about. We are all human. Remember that.
It means that we don’t learn a new algorithm and never slip back. It means that we don’t have it all sussed and only by being honest will we be able to. You don’t’ have to know everything, just remember, most people don’t have the same solutions you are looking for either, reassuring isn’t it! (Unless of course, you employ a coach, then “magically” you seem to have it sussed.)
What a beautiful life!
It is an intriguing state of affairs that a client can be honest and divulge their deepest darkest dooms and yet they have never considered that they are not alone in feeling like this. The crucial
point to always remember about social media is people only share what they want you to know. They may have taken 30 photos to get the one that makes them look like they are sat at the infinity pool on their own and there is not some annoying kid splashing everyone that is trying to swim leisurely admiring the rainforest around them.
We assume that everyone else has a perfect life. No cat sick, no broken phones, no shrivelled plants that you hide out of shot, no stroppy kids, no partners leaving their dirty washing on the floor, no bank accounts that make you sweat because you are too close to being red hot for all the wrong reasons. Trust me as a coach, people come to me when they are desperate. And they are so often people that look like life is perfect. I was taught from a young age, that a flashy car and big house does not negate riches. (Real or spiritual) I alas have been at the door of a business associate that has had the bailiffs arrive and everyone was shocked for weeks that this could happen to XXX. Which leads us nicely too….
Look what I’ve got!
We can spend our life planning for the future, looking over our shoulder and wishing for more. We are in an age where we believe we can do great things, change the world and still read our children bedtime stories, and have the energy to whisper sweet nothings into our loved ones ears and go to sleep on a blissful bed of passion and contentment. While all of that is true, it takes more than just dedication, passion and determination. It takes a lot of work, and not everyone on this planet is made to work 24/7. That doesn’t make you a bad person. And if you can eat a 12 hour day before lunch, then go you. The point is that we are individuals and you need to appreciate you.
Really really love who you are and what you have. We are a society that is intent on achieving more, creating big goals and going for it, however never forget what you already have.
Sometimes even I have fallen foul of this. I remember at my book launch I sighed and said “Next door to the Savoy but not quite there”
“Oh no, I’m only next door to the Savoy!”
My husband pointed out that my book launch was with the UK’s leading non-fiction publisher in a building next door to the Savoy on the 10th floor, overlooking the Thames with panoramic views of London (It made for some awesome PR!) Not bad for your first book Mandie I had to remind myself. You see we can all forget how far we’ve come and how much we have. Take a moment to look around and really notice what you have got. It does tons for your motivation, happiness, determination and action’s results!
I find life is littered with many powerful analogies that apply to numerous aspects of our personal and professional lives and success. They can beautifully and powerfully draw our attention to obstacles and how to tackle them. These parallels can also enable us to reframe, rethink, assess and evaluate our lives to get more of what we want and remove what we don’t.
We all know the saying “Can’t see the wood for the trees” and as a coach I often hear clients say after a session that they feel like they’ve “brain dumped” everything and suddenly it all becomes clear, because we can all become entrenched in our lives and struggle to see what we really want or what really needs to happen and thus struggle to get it.
This was beautifully if a little scarily highlighted to me in my own life the other day. I’ve been injecting a chemotherapeutic medicine for 12 months to help treat my Lupus and other autoimmune diseases and the dose has slowly been increased. The great news is that as time has progressed I’ve had many benefits and it’s really helped me lead a better quality of life that I’m loving, the downside of this is that there are a few side effects that are becoming, let’s just say “less fun” and while I can put up with the severe insomnia, weight gain and other “fun” stuff I noticed last Saturday night that as I went to inject myself I felt a massive sense of loathing.
I am someone that truly appreciates the power of what we think in all aspects of our life and how it can impact on our success and so whenever I’m confronted with a negative emotion or thought, I process to understand it;
Why am I thinking this?
Is this impacting on my actions?
How is this making me react?
And I became aware that I was starting to resent the very substance that had given me so much life back. By processing this thought I was able to see that I was filling that 3 minute injection once a week with negative emotions and thoughts. Why is this relevant to you and your success?
Because not everything we want to achieve in life is accessible through passion, dedication and thought alone, it will require hard work. (Everyone knows that right?)
However, we often put off the things we don’t’ want to do, that are the very powerful game changers in our lives. We resist the needed action and this creates negative emotions that impact on our actions and thus our results.
For me I had to restructure my thoughts. Take the negative association of my needle and swap it for a positive. For me it was this thought “How amazing that 12.5ml of a liquid can give me so much life, I’m so grateful for this.” This thought then led me to remember that 5 years ago when my illnesses were a “mystery” I had a specialist tell me that I had to accept my life was over and I’d never work again. How wrong was that specialist! And it was just 12.5ml of a golden liquid that had done that! (Well maybe not just 12.5ml of liquid, it also took fighting a lot of specialists and determination!) See how powerfully I’d changed my view on an essential task in my existence?
And I’m reminded of an intriguing experiment that I read about years ago. Masaru Emoto, a Japanese Professor of Alternative Studies was said to be able to manipulate rice in a jar depending on whether negative or positive statements were told to it. It’s since been proved and disproved by many people and official bodies with some stating that the experiment never had the right controls to be “science”. Regardless of your viewpoint, many of us have heard of soul food or food made with love. My own Nan used to stir cakes or the Christmas puddings and tell us to make a wish, and I’ve never tasted finer cakes. So whether it’s true or hocum, the point is that our intentions can impact on our results, because our thoughts are powerful. There are stories of soldiers in the first world war believing they’ve been operated on under the safety of Morphine only to later have learnt that the poor doctors had run out of Morphine weeks ago and they’d undergone what should have been excruciatingly painful procedures with nothing more than a saline solution!
So what in life are you seeing as disastrous or out of your control?
What activities do you loath, put off or groan at just the thought of?
Process the emotions and the beliefs you hold to these activities and allow them to play out in full force. What results are you likely to get? How is this likely to further impact on your success?
You see life has a habit of giving us clues it’s just up to us whether we wish to see them or look the other way. Our mind is the most wonderful computer that will ever exist and we have to learn how to look after it, nurture it, and program it to get what we want.
The next time you find yourself in a fug or procrastinating ask yourself what the underlining feelings are.
And if you can’t find the wood for the trees, I’m always happy to have a chat and often share inciteful Facebook live webinars for you to benefit from for free. Sometimes it is scary to appreciate that the one person in control of our future is us, it is also something that you can restructure to think “Wow, I’m in control of the future I get!” Powerful stuff, right?
I’m often asked if I set goals and in January I’m inundated with questions about new year resolutions.
Should I set them? Shouldn’t I?
What should they look like? How should I word them? Do I need to create micro actions? Do I have to get up early? Do I have to rewrite my life?
I think that part of this can be impacted on by the fact that whereas years ago in the workplace we’d have 5 minutes chat on the way to the coffee machine now we know what people are thinking, planning and coveting 24/7 thanks to our interconnected world. Thus we can’t help but compare and contrast ourselves to others.
Great in some ways, a killer to happiness and success in others.
So with January rattling on, what do I tell people about New Years Resolutions?
It’s down to the individual. And while some can make it work, for the majority it sets up 2018 with shortcut to failure. While some have the character that means they create the passion and will achieve it no matter what, and others can create a positive addiction to a result. Many have doubts and fears about capabilities, results and even confidence can take a death defying jump off a cliff. So personally I would never set a goal according to a date. It’s ludicrous.
However, I do perform certain actions towards the end of the year. You see weirdly for me and my partner we have never seen the year as January to December (there are currently over 40 calendars in the world. With our knack for altering our year and our months going back through civilisations – any chance to make it easier to achieve right?) For me and my Hubby we have always seen the start of the new year as September, when we return from our holidays. Refreshed. Relaxed. Brain recharged. Body ready for anything. And lots of ideas and plans naturally make their way to the forefront of our minds. In this way, we find we “naturally” get stuff done in the Autumn and into the new year, without a lot of big pressure or preplanning. All that was naturally done over a glass of local wine in the South of France on a beach!
So the end of the calendar year is a great chance to reassess things;
What is working?
What do I need to change to get the results we/I want/need?
How are my actions impacting on our long-term goals?
What needs to change?
These are just some of the questions we answer to check against our desired goals in business and life. January then is my first marker to how I’m getting on. And I ask additional questions such as;
Do I feel the same level of passion for what I do?
Do I need to change what I do or how I do it?
Are my goals still stretching me?
Are comfort zones developing?
What fears are lurking that could impact on my growth?
Do I need to set new or additional actions?
Do I need to set new or additional goals?
This process often throws up little actions that can tune up the goal engine that gets me to where I want to go. It stops me from stagnating, it ensures I challenge myself and always look the right distance into the future. And for me rather importantly it ensures I stay positive. Being self-employed is epic, however, working in an office with a dog at your feet and only seeing clients via a computer screen may make lots of clients happy and successful and the bank account healthy, yet it does little for a healthy mind, so one of my personal goals that I’m happy to share with you is that I will be networking more in 2018. Not only is it great fun, delivers new opportunities and clients, for me personally most importantly it protects my mental well being.
You see a big reason we fail in our goals and new year resolutions is we just don’t work with what we’ve got. We look around at everyone else and think “I should be in the gym” “I should crave world domination” “I should want to be on TV”, etc, etc, etc and this means we stop listening to the values and passions that mattter to us and if you really want success and to achieve in 2018, start by asking these questions. Honestly and openly, what do you really want?
Now let’s get on with achieving it. Exciting isn’t it!
A new client has no website yet and yet to really get their business seen they need to be blogging, so I suggested they use LinkedIn. They’ve created their first blog and had a moments wobble on whether they really could just put a blog on their LinkedIn profile? Would it get read? Was that professional enough? Could that really help them get seen online? Here is what I replied with in my email. It’s only a short reply however I thought it was apt for so many business owners just starting out who can’t afford a shiny sparkly website yet and yes folks LinkedIn is good for business….get it right and it can be seriously good for business! (It has been for me and my clients this year.)
Regarding your blog ideally you don’t take your target audiences away from your website (and your products and services and other great content) however since you don’t have a website Linkedin’s blog articles look good and can be easily shared so yes I would use their platform and share that way. You have to be careful with a call to action because anything remotely salesly will stop people from reading it again. If its something like “if you loved this then feel free to share/sign up/etc”. then I’d say go ahead. However until you have a following of people that are enjoying your blog, i.e. until you know people are liking it, sharing it and commenting on it I would tread carefully with adding calls to action within your blog. The market is awash with people trying to sell their wares so best to do a blog article that is genuinely fabulously good for others first and then add the CTA (Call to action). (That is my personal preference, I’m sure other marketers and content experts would advise differently. I would also say it depends if you have a good reputation already in any groups. If you do then a CTA in those groups would be fine, because you already have credibility with those people.)
And then this was something else that come up that I thought would be good to share, because I really am not interested in making sacks of cash out of any one person, I genuinely just want to help as many people as possible make those sacks of cash – it’s becoming a life long passion!
Regarding the business coaching it works exactly the same way as any other session with me. We work according to what you bring to the table. So looking at what goals you have set. You can work with me on a one off basis or longer and stop and start whenever you like. My clients vary. Some like to work with me every 6 weeks, others every 2 weeks, others every 3 months. It all depends on how you like to work, how big your goals are, whether you procrastinate, etc. etc. So we would start a session by looking at what you wanted to achieve, and understanding what the goals where for the session. And go from there. I don’t have a minimum spend for a client. I don’t have a silver/gold/platinum level. My clients start the session saying what they want to achieve. And throughout the session we work out how to get to that goal, short medium and long term. And if I tell you recently 1 client achieved some of their goals in 2 days (sales goals) and another achieved their business goals for the year in 3 weeks. And both of these only had 1 session with me so far. Needless to say they want to work with me again moving forward with their businesses. I’m on my clients agenda, never mine. And all clients get homework. Never more than about 5 actions, because its not realistic and clients know they can get in touch for support, advice, etc. when they wish to. I hope that helps and do feel free to get in touch to discuss this more if you wish to. I’m about this week. The goals you have set are quite clear, now you need to break them down into actions and by when. And who what where’s. Obstacles, logistics, etc.
I hope that helps, you see content can so often be transferred from one place and be utilised somewhere else. So in less than 10 minutes I’ve gained some more great content for my Marketing Production Line, not utilising yours yet? Head over to my home page and down load a copy of yours. Its my key to endless good leads and lovely sales, and good bucket full of media too.
This post is dedicated to 2 truly beautiful and inspirational business women who I met this week, who both spoke about Glass ceilings. Personally I never speak of them as I won’t entertain phrases or words or ideas that I know could undermine my success. But we all think and feel differently so I understand the power those Glass Ceilings can have.
Here is my quick top tip guide to Smashing those Glass Ceilings and getting rid of them for good;
Firstly one business woman pointed out to me that she does not have the time to do all that she truly wants to. I say to this, work out what can be dropped. In an ideal world there would not be dust in the corner of the room, or pre packaged veg used served for tea. But no one looks back on their death bed and says “I wish I’d washed more floors” work out what can be dropped from your daily to do list. If you don’t do this, ask yourself this question “If I don’t remove some things from my daily to do list what am I agreeing to?” and a hint here, its less success.
Success needs space, so create some.
Glass ceilings get smashed when you clearly see every last detail of your big goal. From how many hours you work, to what you spend your money on, to how much money you put away in savings. A great goal puts cracks in your glass ceiling before you even get started. So visualise your ultimate goal in every detail.
Take small actions, to get there. As I say at the start of my 6 week online course”How do you eat a mountain of cheese?”
The same way you would eat anything….1 mouthful at a time, so break your goals down into bite size chunks and keep them that small. That glass ceiling gets reinforced and a lot tougher to break when you set yourself up to fail, so keep those chunks small.
When things get tough, and lets be honest we all have those times. Accept that something has to give. Ask yourself what are my true values here and my primary core goals that have to be maintained and then let the little things that aren’t important slip. Again ask yourself “If I don’t do this, what am I agreeing to?” and the answer is likely to be a bucket of added stress. Your glass ceiling just loves some added stress!
When things get tough accept that you need to refocus your attention and divert from your big goals. Your big goals still exist and you can still be working towards them, but it may be the case that you have to decide to direct your primary actions on other areas, allowing a small action towards your ultimate goal will stop you from feeling bitter, guilty and a ton of other negative emotions that will cause procrastination and make you suffer further. So ask yourself “What small action will I continue to take towards my ultimate goal as I deal with these pressing issues?”
Don’t worry about what other people are achieving. You are not on their path way to success, you are on yours. One woman’s version of success will be CEO of her own international corporation while another’s will be a Breakfast bar business that is part time. Both if they get their ulitmate goals are successful. So don’t let your glass ceiling get a layer of toughened glass by trying to be something that doesn’t match up to what are your core values and beliefs about a happy successful life.
When you really feel like you can’t achieve and that glass ceiling is crushing down on you. Write down everything you’ve ever achieved. Don’t say you haven’t because you have. You successfully got dressed, fed yourself, possibly others, been to work, drove a car.
There’s things you’ve achieved and I’m not even been near you today! So list them all. If you are being heavily critical of yourself, ask your friends, your colleagues, your loved ones, your social media friends. You will be surprised how many people you have motivated, inspired, supported and helped. So remember every success. Every last one. A few pictures of those occasions are very useful to. These will power you on to know that you’ve been through tough times before and a bad day does not define you.
Know, absolutely know, that no matter what happens today you are awesome. I can’t stress this enough. If you don’t go out everyday with a secret in your head (You don’t have to tell a single person!) that says I’m awesome, then why should anyone else believe it?
Your past, your experiences, your beliefs can all undermine that belief that you are awesome so look to all those times when you have truly rocked, when you achieved, when you came through adversity. And then lastly….
Keep people around you that will motivate, inspire and support you and remind you how awesomely saucesome you are! There will always be people that want to rain on your parade, outnumber them with the ones that believe in you and that will lead you to……
Smashing that glass ceiling in one of 2 ways;
Either with an all mighty big bang that smashes it to smithereens so that its disintegrated with nothing left. Its a big way to do it so ask yourself how you normally like to tackle things because the other way is…..
With little tiny taps, you will be able to slowly but surely break down the negativity and the issues that have created your glass ceiling so that it slowly cracks and those cracks will all join together until you find little chinks and a beautiful clear sky above.
I do hope that helps….Its just a starter, but just remember you’re awesome!
This was a post I added to Twitter yesterday because I faced an obstacle to my success yesterday. Don’t think us coach’s don’t have to face business success demons too, because we really do!
And this was one of mine and how I have dealt with comfort zones for years because it works, and because of my success with dealing with comfort zones I know how important it is to remove these obstacles to your success.
Let me first describe what a comfort zone is. Imagine being all cozy in your duvet, its dark, the alarm has gone off, its cold, you can hear the rain hitting the window and you think……mmmm I could just stay here. But wait a minute what one minute feels like a great place to stay can quickly change.
Imagine you get to stay in bed a bit longer, but now you want to get up, suddenly that duvet is not warm and snuggly its firmly wrapped its way around you because you’ve been in there for so long and you are now trapped. That duvet is suddenly not so much your friend right?
That is a comfort zone. It can feel like a good place to be until you realise that it has actually trapped you and its stopping you from progressing in the success of your business. Not so fun now right?
So how do you fix it?
You can go the softly softly approach as some of my clients like. That way you can build up to the biggy by breaking it down into little bits. But that can be a longer process. For me its fast and it works to do it my way!
My saying has always been “I like to get so far out of my comfort zone that I can’t see it anymore!” Here is an example of this working and in action;
I was seriously ill and so I had not driven any further than the hospital since March 2012 to ensure I looked after my health. Back to work 2 and half months and recovering, as a Finalist in the Colchester Business Awards I had to attend an interview at one of the judges premises. For me this entailed a 45 minute journey. The longest since March 2012. But on top of that;
This year I was stationery at traffic lights and an articulated lorry decided it wanted to change lanes and didn’t notice me in my large estate car. it was really scary and then in the summer another large truck nearly drove us off the road in France. needless to say I’ve not been overly keen on being next to large vehicles that I’ve come to believe many of them don’t know I’m there! Was I keen to get on the A12 yesterday?
You see its all too easy if you stop doing things that suddenly your confidence can drop and a comfort zone is created.
So I dealt with it as I deal with any comfort zones, the biggest being my absolute fear of public speaking 6 years ago. I got so far out of my comfort zone that I could not see it any more.
I accept that it was just bad luck to have 2 lorries not pay attention to my large silver car in my life time. And I’m back on track.
So how could you utilise this idea for your success and to get rid of your comfort zones?
And what impact could it have on your success?
Do share your thoughts as I love hearing from you.
I used to be so petrified of public speaking that it felt like my necklace was bouncing off of my chest because my heart was beating that fast and loud. My palms were as Eminem said sweaty and I felt sick and I could hardly remember my name let alone what I wanted to say.
The likely hood of me being able to be brilliant and say something that would be useful and get people wanting to talk to me was highly unlikely since I felt so bad.
But now I ADORE public speaking. I love to be asked to speak and I could do it for hours!
So I know first hand what that fear feels like and I also know how to fix it.
Here is an example of how I do that;
My fabulous business woman client has achieved such monumental levels of success and had been asked to deliver a short talk, but she knew that she did her best throughout her career to wrangle her way out of it every time. And now she realised that if she wanted to reach the next stage in her career she was going to have to deal with this fear, because potentially it had the ability to be an obstacle to her success and as we know, who wants one of those?
So we had a coaching session, the contents of which are private but I would like to share the analogy that really helped.
I asked her if she felt like she was on a path and that up ahead was a big brick wall blocking the path and that was her fear of public speaking. She agreed. With this analogy I was able to help her see that this one talk was not the be all and end all. It would not define her career and her success forever. It was part of the process it was not the end destination.
I was able to help her appreciate that in actual fact she did not have a fear of public speaking she had a fear of people getting the wrong impression of her. I did this by asking her how it would feel talking to 1000 school children instead of 200 of her peers and she could see that was something she could do and possibly enjoy. This helped her appreciate that it was inner belief about her ability, why she had been asked to deliver this talk and why she was quite frankly blooming awesome!
Reinforcing this enabled this wonderful business woman to see that this was not the defining moment in her career but in fact it was just one step in the continual pathway of her growing success and career.
I asked her to think about that pathway again and I said to her, is that in actual fact an obstacle in the road or as we get closer are you able to see it is just an illusion and we can walk right through it?
By this stage (Just over an hour and 20 minutes later) this fabulous business woman with the help of an action plan that included some physical things to do, some practical advice and all the amazing facts she had to remind herself to keep the positive image that I see of her to the fore front of her mind, she was able to see public speaking in a different light.
Now she was actually quite excited to do it and was already planning on when and where she could do it again!
That fabulous business women is what I will do for you!
This client knows that if she gets nervous before hand (and let’s be honest nerves are good, they say I’m about to do something I don’t normally do and I want to perform well and do my best.) she can text, phone, FB or Tweet me and I will be there to remind her how awesome she is and what she is truly capable of.
Because I will leave this as your last thought today, your brain is just a muscle like any other and if you do not exercise it regularly then it will get lazy. And when your brain gets lazy it slops into bad habits and into negativity. The great thing about this though is that it means it’s just a case of constantly reinforcing that you are amazing, you have achieved truly brilliant things and that you will continue to learn and go on to do even more brilliance. Cool right?
On the 22nd November I will be hosting a master class for business women on public speaking at The BWN and my co presenter will be a successful actress who has appeared on shows like Spooks, Eastenders and Hollywood films who will be sharing some great techniques to remain grounded and focussed on what you want to achieve. It is going to be awesome so do join us and there is plenty of time to talk about your business (since you will have dealt with your fear of public speaking!) and network too!
Here is the link to come along http://thebusinesswomansnetwork.co.uk/event/speak-up-public-speaking-for-the-nervous-and-terrified/