I have just finished my tax return and that should be something to celebrate however one receipt made me sob.
I had an emergency, you know those weeks when life is good and then you get thrown a curve ball that makes you wish you could reverse one week and just hold on to what you had? Just for one more precious moment, because now it’s gone.
And there it is. A receipt that brought back one of the most painful days of my life. Sat looking at me like it means nothing.
And yet I’d given it so much meaning I currently can’t see past the tears to write.
And yet while I can be honest about this (and I will share with you what I learnt and did with that receipt) many of us hang on to metaphorical sh*t all the time.
As my clients quickly learn anything, and I mean anything you let hang out in your head will impact on you, for good or bad and therefore also the results, happiness and success you get in life too.
So what was this heinous receipt?
It was for £80.50 at 17.29pm on the 6th March 2017. That had been a tough day.
My gorgeous Springer Spaniel Max had started to look poorly the Sunday (the day before) and I knew that at 13+ years old I was about to say goodbye to my dear friend. I cancelled my work and sat by his side for the whole day. When he needed to go out to the loo, I carried him into the garden and propped him up because his legs were starting to give way. I desperately tried to feed him water and tried every food group on the planet to help him get some sustenance.
My hubby was on the other side of the world and so me and my children had to face our loss alone. A terribly sad day was made horrific thanks to a vet that refused to see him before the evening (I clung on to the idea he could be saved) and even the nurse was distraught as I rung hour after hour begging for help. And that night as I carried my old walking on the beach companion into the vets, the vet refused to treat Max until I’d paid.
That receipt symbolises an excruciatingly sad moment being made a ton worse thanks to an insensitive “You must understand some people leaving without paying add’s time to getting paid” vet.
I should have got that receipt in my tax return and buried it in the filing and never looked at it again.
But I hadn’t, why?
I suppose in some way I wanted to go back and fix it. But not everything in life can be fixed can it?
However by hanging on to it, instead of remembering his crazy highlights, his love of fire works and water (at even minus 10!) or his cute tricks,
I’m remembering the day I said good bye. I’m tormenting myself even though I’ve not thought of that day at all.
You see our minds are very clever. You think you see a visual clue and are thinking one thing and yet unconsciously your brain is processing a very different set of thoughts and feelings and that in turn can create a big impact on your life.
So, when I finish typing I’m going to get that receipt, photocopy it and rip that bit of paper into pieces, then I’m going to burn them, sob on my hubby’s shoulder and realise that I gave power to a piece of paper, how crazy is that?
Life is hard enough. Death is awful enough. Without giving power to receipts or any other emotional baggage.
ACTION; If you can’t physically rip up the sh*t that is invading your head. Write it down and bin that crap instead. Seriously I’ve done that exercise with enough clients to know the power we can create with such a simple little technique. I love that the simplest things are often the most powerful and it’s so important for us all to find those little tools and strategies so we can get back to a positive confident mindset as soon as possible (remember there is nothing wrong with a negative mindset as long as you process it, deal with it, and find a way to get back to positivity. In Fight the fear we look at how to do this that too.)
I didn’t realise until I wrote these words how much I still dearly 2 years on miss my old boy. That brings guilt to my “Made my Jim Henson” little dog that I adore. Completely different to mad Max the Springer, but spoilt rotten, discussed the day with and favourite walk companion just the same.
Thank you Max. Hollie is looking after me.xxx