World Mental Health Tool Kit Day – 11th October

I always think the day after World Mental Health Day should be World Mental Health Toolkit Day. Every professional should have one of these in place.

Every child should be taught this. Every Brownie group, Every Gardeners Club, Every Banger Racing Meet, Every Croquet club, Every Rugby Club, Every K-pop community, everywhere, everyone.

It’s not tricky.

On a good day write down the things that make you feel;

• Happy.
• Calm.
• Loved.
• Appreciated.
• Heard and valued.
• Joyous.
• Excited.
• Peaceful.
• Relaxed.

Happy – I added happy twice because while it’s not that important it is a metric that the western world in particular seems to gravitate to.

Personally, I don’t get this. False smiles are what hide depression and lack of confidence.

Pretend over the top happiness is not sustainable. Too many employees end up suffering alone because they could hide their mental health struggles behind smiles.

So why look to create an emotion that is supposed to be enjoyed, thankful for and fully experienced in the moment (you do do that right?) it is not the only emotion you should honour.

Did you know the quickest way to get to a place of sustainable calm is to honour all emotions?

My coaching over the years has helped many leaders who face big things and are responsible (in their eyes) for the futures of their staff and that matters to them, so I’ve read more and more and studies to be able to deliver personalised solutions to employer and employees. I once read that all emotions should be like you are standing at the side of a motorway and each car that goes past is an emotion.

As the emotions go past you acknowledge them and accept that they have come and gone.

All of the emotions.

In my view there is no such thing as a bad emotion. They are all valid, the issue is if you end up staying in one state for too long.

If you are angry, own it. Punch a cushion. Walk really fast. Take deep breaths with bare toes on the grass.

If you are sad, let the tears flow. You don’t need to understand (in that moment) why you are sad but do allow the emotions to flow.

All emotions.

I’m not naturally confident. I have eradicated my shyness and inner “Wow, Mand how crap are you!” voice with calm. With acceptance and kindness. Not with fake smiles and masks.

Masks never work.

Let me repeat this, masks never work.

I have learnt through my own CBT and CAT journey that without inner work consistently I could regress.

I do not regress.

I use my own tools from Fight the fear. (May I take this moment to remind you that I’m not medically trained, and I’d not attempt to claim I am. But I am someone that can improve your self-worth and how you feel about yourself in a few hours. If it was something more, you required I have a wealth of experts I trust via INsiders who can help with mental health illnesses.)

I use the negative and positive spiral to help me process how I am feeling and how it is presenting in my life. In my actions or lack of and the way I feel about myself and then….

Then if I notice I’m slipping I stop myself.

So, for each arrow I have escape routes. For instance, I stop my inner voice with positive words, with fast walking on the beach, with dancing with my tiny dog, with singing very badly and not caring.

So, take some time to draw out the negative spiral from Fight the fear (also features in my other books and courses around mindset and personal growth) and then create the positive.

It is important to remember that at the start you don’t have to believe the positive is possible.

I also have a full mental health toolkit here

Here’s some other considerations to stay mentally strong;

Consider if there is a physical cause.

Did you know certain minerals deficiencies can affect your mood. “Deficiencies in nutrients such as protein, B vitamins, vitamin D, magnesium, zinc, selenium, iron, calcium, and omega-3 fatty acids have a significant impact on the function of the brain and nervous system, which can affect the appearance of depressive symptoms. On the other hand, an excess of certain nutrients in the diet can also have a negative impact on mental health (copper, iron). To prevent deficiencies of the listed nutrients in the diet, it is worth noting the importance of a varied and balanced diet, while also taking into account the potential risks associated with the absorption and bioavailability of certain components through the presence of other components in the diet” Link to read the full study.

Again, I’m not an expert in this. The INsiders have Doctor Anca who is an expert in this. Click here to learn more about Anca. I take a lot that help me and that leads to…

I know that my magnesium levels are “off” when I get disrupted sleep. I don’t rely on apps or devices. I listen to my body. I think this is a practice we need to get back into. I also know I’m in need of more zinc when I start craving oysters! Learn to listen to your body.

Therefore, learn to listen to your body. What is it saying to you? Are you tired, then rest? Are you restless, then exercise? Are you full of pent-up energy, then dance?

Chuck everyone out! Not literally. Alas that’s not always an option, I created the boat theory for this one. Before I explain the strategy, consider how you let everyone into your head…

You worry about that customer, your partner, your kids, that man at the lights, the mechanic and the way they spoke to you, etc. etc. all those thoughts rattling around. How do they serve you?

This is a great question to ask on every thought in your head. How does this serve me? And the answer is often, it doesn’t!

So, chuck them out. This works best at the end of the day. In bed with a racing mind, imagine a pretty summers day, with the perfect river slowly meandering past you. You are sat on the bank with your feet just touching the top of the water. You can see lily pads and fish swimming around in the soft eddies. The clouds are perfect fluffy white wisps with the sunlight glowing through. The sky is blue and behind you there is the gentle sound of a tree and the leaves whispering in the soft summers breeze. You are calm. Still and content.

Then someone from you day is suddenly in your head. Let them sit by you on the bank. Imagine them there, the good ones, the ones you love, the ones that annoyed you, the ones that wreck your day. See them all. Now see a little boat floating on the soft waters flow and it gentle floats to where your usurper sits. You don’t need to say anything (but you can if you like. I tend to say, “I love you but now I need my space, see you later.”) watch them step into the boat. They can have props with them in your visualisation of them. And then watch that little boat slowly floats away and disappear. Visualise their heads disappearing behind the rivers bank and then sit and watch the fish under the waters surface again. Every person that comes into your head.

Every issue, put it in a little boat and watch it float away.

You will fall asleep faster too!

In the moment, in the day, emotionally chuck people out! You can love people but not have them impact on your mind. It doesn’t serve you or them well. So how can you put an imaginary boundary around you?

For many clients we’ve created like Ready Brek glows around them (shows your age!) or Superhero force fields. Don’t let anyone’s negativity get into your head.

Get a check-up. You need to check that there is not a medical cause to your mental health. I am not medically qualified so just promise me you will make an appointment and discuss this with your GP? Some medical conditions can impact on mental health. Lupus has connections to mental health and it’s why I am so passionate about looking after mind, and body in partnership to ensure success personally and professionally.

I’m fine. Ban these words. The only sentence more overused in response to “How are you?” is “Busy” Busy is not an emotional response and yet so many responds with it.

Swap out these 2 sayings.

Be mindful of when you revert to the “I’m fine” response. It is often when you are not fine but don’t want to talk about it!

Make sure you tell people what support you need. Make sure they know you are using that saying as a saying that says “Help me “We all need support but not all of us want to talk. What do you need on a tough day?

A walk, a hug, a talk, a cuppa, some cake, a film, a friend to read in silence with? Remember to know on a good day what you need on a bad day!

Communication and boundaries go out the window when we lack confidence and confidence takes a nosedive when we feel mentally unwell. So be mindful of your natural response when you are stressed. Ask yourself if this serves you well and what new neuro pathways do you need to create. I will not scrimp on my need for me time. Not ever. It’s pretty easy to do this when you have a big enough reason why.

If I don’t respect my Me time, then I risk getting stressed and if I risk getting stressed, I can end up in a Lupus flare, and a Lupus flare can damage my eyes (just one example – Lupus can impact on any organ) and make me blind. Big motivation, right?

What is your big motivation?

Know it on a good day.

Learn to say no. My coach taught me that as lovely as it is to help everyone, if you help everyone then there’s no room to help yourself and you are allowed to help you too! Well, my coach put it more gruffly that that….

Mand if they have no money, tell them to F**k off”.

Harsh I know but what they were saying is have layers to what you offer. I never thought I’d put a sales mountain in a mental health personal development post but here it is. People get your time according to their value. In your personal life you give more time to your loved ones than the person you say hi to at the gym, right?

And you do the same in business. Give more time to those that pay you more. It sounds harsh but no one need know (obviously I’m telling you so you can build this into your strategies to support you physically, mentally, financially and emotionally!)

Think about how you spend time and ask, “Does this serve me well?”

Every chapter of Fight the fear covers a key area to overcoming negative mindsets and achieving what you wish. I have a ton more strategies that I’ve created with clients over the years. So, if these aren’t quiet what you need either;

Email me here – mandie@mandieholgate.co.uk and I will post content to the Insiders for you. No one will know it was for you.

Or tag me on the INsiders.

I know lots of amazing therapists and counsellors so if you feel you need more talk to someone, please please don’t try and go it alone. It rarely works.

And remember, you are not alone. As an INsider, a social media friend or even just a reader of my books, courses of blog, I care about you and you deserve a better life. Now, if I believe it, what do you need to do to ensure you never forget this too?

And lastly, the image on the blog article? It’s just some of the things that make me feel loved, worthy, happy and like I have a place in the world. Making a difference every day. You are allowed this too. What images spark positive emotions in you? Get them on the office wall! Put them on the home screen on your phone.