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Fear, Success, CBD and is that really you Mandie Holgate?

It’s the weirdest thing. I’ve had 8 years of being pretty much trapped in my home due to ill health (Lupus) and for the last month I’ve been feeling really well. Not put on a fake smile and act well because people are so bored of you talking about pain and exhaustion, but genuine bouncing out of bed, looking forward to the day well.

The weird thing is that while my body is well my mind doesn’t seem to have caught up yet.

For instance I was up early to take my son to his last day of college today (that’s a sad but exciting milestone right?) and as I drove home I knew the morning was starting with a coaching session and I thought “Oh no I’m on my own all day.” (Client was only on the screen so not there in person to have a cuppa and chat with first.)

Usually if I’m coaching for 2 hours I’d need a few hours to recover. Then I could work for a couple of hours and then I’d need to rest before my children got home in the hope I might have some energy to talk to them and maybe help cook tea.

But I had to physically remind myself today “You can do more Mandie!” and so I went for a walk. 45 minutes may not seem big to you but 4346 steps is epic to me.

Usually I would even have to limit my time on the phone (pacing is not just about your physicality as I learnt the hard way – your brain uses up a lot of energy too.) But today I’ve made and had over 10 phone calls already!

This all reminds me of clients who I’ve worked with for a while and in a session they will say something and I’ll challenge them on that thought. Often it’s because they are still using the same language they used before we started working together. Not really appreciating how much has changed.

For example a client said to me “But I’m rubbish at marketing.”

“Are you?” I asked “What evidence do you have to that statement?”

They smirked at me because they realised that this wasn’t true anymore. The person they are now is very different to the one of a year ago. But that negative thought had still sneaked in.

We have to be mindful of every thought we have and ask ourselves if it is empowering us or demotivating us?

Is it moving us forward or holding us back?

But even that is not enough. You then need to take ownership for what you thought and focus on what you actually want.

I’ve started mentally noticing the little things that I’d forgotten about;

  • Like dancing to Radio 1 while I brush my teeth instead of leaning against the radiator for dear life.
  • Bruises because I’ve got over enthusiastic gardening instead of the meds making my skin like paper.
  • Being able to jump in the car and go anywhere whenever I like because I’ve not had to plan 2 days in advance due to the severity of my medication.

I find these and so many other things are making me grin, but there’s a but. And it’s one I didn’t think I’d ever have again.

Fear.

Walking along the beach I realised that I still haven’t factored in anything in the evenings. The last time I went out at night was to End game on the 25th April, before that it was the 16th December, regular right?

The hardest thing about balancing a long term health illness is that you have to ditch so much of your life. A social life is something I know exists because I watch Facebook friends having one. But now can I have one?

I’m scared to speak these thoughts.

I even have found myself using my clients words “What if?” And unlike me, I’m not assuming it’s going to be awesome! I’ve been assuming with real terror;

  • “What if this doesn’t last?”
  • “What if the CBD oil stops working?”
  • “What if I am forced to be in this house all the time again?!”

How ridiculous!

Lucky for me I am uber speedy and epic at reframing. I can be in a bad/sad mood and flip to being positive/happy and ready for anything with a lightening speed thought.

So that’s what I’ve been doing;

  • What if this is permanent?
  • What if you can get back on your bike?
  • What if you can work more?
  • What if you can travel?
  • What if you are well?

Of them all the last one makes me hyperventilate. I’ve worked so damn hard on being happy and as well as possible despite Fibromyalgia, Lupus and a myriad of other illness and problems. Even before this mini miracle I felt truly happy and joyous with my life. This? Well this just makes me feel super human!

My friend is 94 (Sorry Irene, I told everyone your age) and she is one of my role models in life. Flying around the world visiting nephews, ski-ing (Ok just the apres ski – you can’t blame her!) and living life to the fullest. Irene summed it up today when she said “Sometimes to go forward we have to go back”. How perfect is that sentence?

I have absolute gratitude to be able to go for a walk. To be able to drive a car and work. Things I would guess that 9 years ago I didn’t really acknowledge. And having to gain a level of tenacity, determination and self belief that Iron Man would be proud of, how well set up am I for going forward?

If feeling ill I can walk 27000 steps around Disney Land Paris (okay, with enough medications in me to rival any A and E Department!) what can I achieve without the brain numbing, gut destroying, nausea inducing, sleep robbing drugs in me?

I like that I work with a coach, and I like that I can coach myself. The fear is going to be allowed to stay (just a little) why? Because it’s sensible to go a little steady. As Dinah Liversidge (Wow I love that woman!) said “When I was on the road to recovery I only walked for 10 minutes a day, and I didn’t try to push it. Go little and often to build stamina.” (Dinah is also the awesome lady that told me that to get through Lupus I’d need Cannabis and a hot tub. I got both, well the legal version of the Cannabis!

The point of this article is this;
  • Never ever give up – Winston taught me that and on bad days I remind myself I’ve stood in his bedroom at Downing Street and I keep going.
  • Acknowledge every thought – own it. Process it. And learn how to move on. Ensuring it’s working for you and not against you.
  • Smiling at bruises and dancing while you brush your teeth is because I have immense levels of gratitude. And yes one tear has just leaked out of my face and I’m so bloody chuffed. Gratitude keeps us going when everything feels lost.
  • Share – don’t hide your crap, your pain or your needs. People can only care if they know. And trust me the right ones do care and will be there for you – as I now can be there for you too!
  • And lastly a little reminder Mandie Holgate “You’ve spent 8 years watching box sets and usually only leaving the house once a week, don’t try and get too Iron Man on this body – you are not a robot and will need to respect it will take time. Time is something you have. And as you get there – bloody keep loving the ride!

I never stop working on my emotional intelligence, beliefs and personal development, if you’d like to explore this with me, get in touch. I’m also that in love with CBD I’ve signed up with Tessellate to sell it!

  • June 3, 2019

How To Cure Lupus Report (At no time do I claim to have a cure!)

Okay if you ever read the above headline on a title of an article or someone says this to you, then run away

(Except on this occasion!)

I will share why that is in this report, however the main reason for this report is that through my work as a speaker, coach, writer, etc I don’t hide my Lupus, other auto immune diseases and Fibromyalgia and I aim to be a voice of “You can get through this” however a positive mindset is just not enough when it comes to these long term health issues,.

I know how truly tough they can be and I want to share what I’ve learnt. Originally this was going to be a blog article however I decided to create a downloadable PDF so you could keep it and read the report whenever you need it.

I’ve put this together in a way that it could be useful to;

  • Anyone suffering from a long-term health issue.
  • Anyone that cares for and loves someone with a long term condition.
  • (And to be honest anyone that is struggling with work life balance and want to take control again).

Disclaimer; The first thing I want to say is I’m not an expert, I’m not medical qualified, and I’ve no affiliation to anything I recommend or share that has helped me (except coaching.)

In this report we will look at;

  • Why no one should ever tell you they can cure you.
  • Why you must fight and how to never give up fighting.
  • Gaining the right team.
  • How to deal with people that don't get it.
  • How to deal with people who hurt you.
  • The things medical, alternative and diverse that I've tried.
  • The things that I feel help me.
  • How to pace (but not like the NHS teaches!)
  • How to change your attitude and why you need to.
  • When to ditch the pacing and why.
  • The placebo effect and it's power.
  • Fixating on a cure
  • How to keep the faith and why.
  • Learn to say No and why you need to.
  • The practice of gratitude and it's benefits.
  • How to reframe the sh*tist of things.
  • A lesson from Michael J Fox.
  • How to protect your mindset and why you need to.
  • How to listen to your body.
  • Medication is not a crime, how to ditch the guilt.
  • How to deal with losing your looks, figure, hair, etc, etc.
  • Why you need to set boundaries and how to do it.
  • The importance of time management.
  • October 13, 2018

How to build a mental health tool kit.

A mental health tool kit is essential and not just for those that suffer from mental health illnesses or repeated low moods. Everyone on the planet should have one!

For myself because I have Lupus I experienced a bout of depression in 2018 that caused anxiety too (not as bad as I experienced 17 years ago, however I feared what could happen.) Therefore I created a list of the things that I know make me feel good.

Remember when you start doing the things you usually love but don’t seem to enjoy now, it won’t feel good, but keep going anyway. It will work!

Monitor how you feel. Give it a score out of 10. ie 1 means “I’m feeling very low and my depression feels really bad” and 10 means “I feel really happy and like life’s great!” which helps you to appreciate and understand what works and what’s not and what impacts on you too.

I’m currently mentally healthy, resilient and have strong emotional intelligence and it is in part down to this process and monitoring my mood, emotions and feelings to ensure I’m doing what I need to stay that way. Looking after everyone else and not you is not going to work.

Building your tool kit today ensures when life feels tough you can look at your own version of this infographic and think “Right, what am I going to do?”

  1. “What do I need to think?”
  2. “What would usually make me smile?”
  3. “How would I like to feel?”

Please note I’m not a qualified counsellor and do not directly deal with depression or other mental health illnesses, although I can support you along side working with a therapist. This works very well for some of my clients who need to keep a check on their mental health and emotional intelligence because they appreciate how it can impact on their personal and professional success too.

And if you benefited from this article a donation to this writer would be really appreciated, thank you. Just click the button on the right that says donate here and follow the instructions.

fight the fear mandie holgate

Buy my life changing books here

I’m so honoured to learn that my books are not only helping people achieve more and overcome lifelong fears , it’s helped people overcome anxiety, go back to work, overcome depression and negativity and genuinely make a difference. I get stories about the power of my books for mental health all the time, yet these beautiful messages remain confidential to respect my readers, I will just share one (that I’ve permission to share)

“Thanks to you and this book, I’m flying high like I never have before.

(Yes that quote did make me cry!)

taking control of your mind

  • October 13, 2018