I have just finished my tax return and that should be something to celebrate however one receipt made me sob.
I had an emergency, you know those weeks when life is good and then you get thrown a curve ball that makes you wish you could reverse one week and just hold on to what you had? Just for one more precious moment, because now it’s gone.
And there it is. A receipt that brought back one of the most painful days of my life. Sat looking at me like it means nothing.
And yet I’d given it so much meaning I currently can’t see past the tears to write.
And yet while I can be honest about this (and I will share with you what I learnt and did with that receipt) many of us hang on to metaphorical sh*t all the time.
As my clients quickly learn anything, and I mean anything you let hang out in your head will impact on you, for good or bad and therefore also the results, happiness and success you get in life too.
So what was this heinous receipt?
It was for £80.50 at 17.29pm on the 6th March 2017. That had been a tough day.
My gorgeous Springer Spaniel Max had started to look poorly the Sunday (the day before) and I knew that at 13+ years old I was about to say goodbye to my dear friend. I cancelled my work and sat by his side for the whole day. When he needed to go out to the loo, I carried him into the garden and propped him up because his legs were starting to give way. I desperately tried to feed him water and tried every food group on the planet to help him get some sustenance.
My hubby was on the other side of the world and so me and my children had to face our loss alone. A terribly sad day was made horrific thanks to a vet that refused to see him before the evening (I clung on to the idea he could be saved) and even the nurse was distraught as I rung hour after hour begging for help. And that night as I carried my old walking on the beach companion into the vets, the vet refused to treat Max until I’d paid.
That receipt symbolises an excruciatingly sad moment being made a ton worse thanks to an insensitive “You must understand some people leaving without paying add’s time to getting paid” vet.
I should have got that receipt in my tax return and buried it in the filing and never looked at it again.
But I hadn’t, why?
I suppose in some way I wanted to go back and fix it. But not everything in life can be fixed can it?
However by hanging on to it, instead of remembering his crazy highlights, his love of fire works and water (at even minus 10!) or his cute tricks,
Posted by Mandie Holgate on Thursday, 16 March 2017
I’m remembering the day I said good bye. I’m tormenting myself even though I’ve not thought of that day at all.
You see our minds are very clever. You think you see a visual clue and are thinking one thing and yet unconsciously your brain is processing a very different set of thoughts and feelings and that in turn can create a big impact on your life.
So, when I finish typing I’m going to get that receipt, photocopy it and rip that bit of paper into pieces, then I’m going to burn them, sob on my hubby’s shoulder and realise that I gave power to a piece of paper, how crazy is that?
Life is hard enough. Death is awful enough. Without giving power to receipts or any other emotional baggage.
ACTION; If you can’t physically rip up the sh*t that is invading your head. Write it down and bin that crap instead. Seriously I’ve done that exercise with enough clients to know the power we can create with such a simple little technique. I love that the simplest things are often the most powerful and it’s so important for us all to find those little tools and strategies so we can get back to a positive confident mindset as soon as possible (remember there is nothing wrong with a negative mindset as long as you process it, deal with it, and find a way to get back to positivity. In Fight the fear we look at how to do this that too.)
I didn’t realise until I wrote these words how much I still dearly 2 years on miss my old boy. That brings guilt to my “Made my Jim Henson” little dog that I adore. Completely different to mad Max the Springer, but spoilt rotten, discussed the day with and favourite walk companion just the same.
Thank you Max. Hollie is looking after me.xxx
Not laughing at Raikken, laughing at our very busy dog "under attack" from Sophie HolgateAndy Holgate missing the fun and F1.
Posted by Mandie Holgate on Sunday, 25 November 2018
Words you wouldn’t expect to hear from a business woman whose father taught her never lie. As Dad always says;
“Never lie, with a thief you know they will always try and steal from you, with a liar you never know where you stand.”
It’s a rule I’ve always applied to my life and every aspect of it.
But today I realised that’s a lie. Oh the irony!
You see I think sometimes we do have to lie, but the only person even now I’m lying to is me.
You see if I didn’t I’m not sure I could cope.
The last 4 years have tested me physically and mentally like never before. I have Lupus, Sjogrens, Reynard’s and Fibromyalgia. You don’t need to know what they are, just that if you wanted to know what that means, imagine going Christmas shopping for 10 hours in heels, then having a massive party night and waking up the next day with flu. That would give you a hint of the way it feels most of the time. So if I don’t lie to myself how would I get up?
I have to tell myself that I can do it, when I feel like I can’t.
I have to tell myself those steps won’t hurt, when they do.
I tell myself that I’m full of energy, when I’m struggling to put a pair of tights on.
I shout in my mind “Go for it Mandie, its mind over matter. And if you don’t mind it don’t matter.”
And when people say “How are you?” I say “Fine thanks, you?” That is not the British I’m fine when I know I’m not. That’s the I live with an illness that means I will pour medication down my throat every day of my life and I know that one activity too many can floor me for days. But I will not be dragged down by this and so I lie.
So I ask you, is that a lie?
Or is that protection?
Is that dogged determination to live life to the fullest and still respect my body?
Sometimes I wonder. Sometimes when someone who cares say’s how are you “I’d like to burst into tears and lean on their shoulder and say “I don’t want to do this anymore, oh woe is me, it’s not fair, rant, rant ,rant…..” But where would that get me?
A part from having people crossing the street to avoid me. I think that level of giving in is not good for you long term, you need to understand that we all need to know when to sob on a shoulder to someone and when to raise our heads high, suck our guts in, suck it up and say “Bring it on, I’m ready!”
I don’t have the attitude that some try to give me. “It could be worse” because that’s madness. Because let’s be honest it could be a lot better too.
I have the attitude that I can, and I will.
And sometimes I know I need to not lie to me and I have to listen to that voice that says “give it up Mandie, sit on your butt and accept life is over” As one helpful doctor once tried to tell me. Sometimes I pick up the phone to a friend and say “I need to talk.”I book myself in with my incredible friend and holistic therapist, Brenda Seaborn and let my body talk to Bren and let her fix it without my thinking. I know it helps and I let myself have those moments where I’m honest and I work out a new way to deal with things.
I bet you are thinking Mandie, you normally share work ideas, ways to grow my business or overcome my business obstacles and fears, how is this relevant?
Well ask yourself “Are you lying to yourself?” are there things that you are putting up with and allowing to be obstacles to your success?
As I like to say “If you allow that obstacle to stay, what are you agreeing to? What are you accepting you can’t achieve?”
Remember your brain is one big muscle and if you don’t train it to get the results you want, it will get flabby, out of peak performance reverting to negative automatic thought processes that keep you stuck.
So go on be honest with yourself and still have my attitude – “Raise your head high, suck your gut in, suck it up and say “Bring it on, I’m ready!”
(And if you are lucky enough to live in Essex or Suffolk, UK then you are lucky enough to have a try of Brenda Seaborn’s brilliance for yourself. Visit her website for more information http://www.banishstress.co.uk/ )