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How to control the uncontrollable

In life there is always something you must tackle. It doesn’t have to be open heart surgery, pandemics or life and death moments. If it feels big and uncontrollable to you then that’s what matters and that’s what you need to work on.

It could be endless emails or the inability to stand up for what you believe in.

It could be stuck in a low paying career when you know you deserve more.

It could be struggling with a team member who won’t do what is asked of them.

Many things can make us feel like we have no control.

Honouring who you are, how you think and what you need is the science behind why my coaching gets exceptional results for individuals and teams.

One team reduced absenteeism to zero with the approaches we used from this powerpoint.

Another person who had been petrified of public speaking for 23 years stood on a stage in front of all their peers and by the time they’d finished agreed to 3 more speaking gigs!

Life long fears and anxiety does not need to be your future.

Learn how you think and how it impacts on your results and you can change the results you get.

This powerpoint was created for @Personal Finance Association and was delivered as a 90 minute session. It can be hosted as a full day of coaching and mentoring for you and your team.

It’s just a taster of how powerful your mind can be when you control the uncontrollable.

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Intro into – How to Control the uncontrollable.

In my first article for The Human Resources Report I outline how to control the uncontrollable.

In a time before elections, Brexit and pandemics we still had a global issue impacting on the world’s economy; Stress.
A WHO led study estimated that depression and anxiety disorders cost the global economy $1 trillion each year in lost productivity. (1) Stress can be caused when we feel like we are losing control, so when you face something so big it’s completely out of your control what can you do about it?
I’m going to share how to control the uncontrollable. A great example would be company A who in the first lock down reduced their absenteeism for their team of 250+ to zero and they said it was “In no small part down to our coaching with you.” I don’t share this so you think I’m awesome I share to prove the uncontrollable can be controlled.
When people feel like they can’t control a situation it can lead to stress, guilt, anxiety and many other negative emotions, put that in the working environment, and I’ve seen it cause;

• Grapevine mentality.
• Reduced productivity.
• Over working and burnout.
• Micromanagement.
• Illness
• Bullying.
• Them and Us mentality.
• Defeatism.
• Anger management issues.
• Poor teamwork.
• Lack of creativity.
• And possibly worse of all a drop in profitability and sustainability for the company.

LET’S LOOK AT WHAT YOU CAN DO:
IS IT TRUE?

Working from home has featured in many coaching sessions this year often with clients stating there’s “Nothing I can do about this” or (my pet hate) “It is the way it is.” When I hear this statement, I know that this is not the case and that it’s the root cause of why the organisation is experiencing issues or not growing as they’d like.
So, the first thing you need to do is challenge what you believe to be true. Statements like;

• I had to send those emails.
• It’s always happened like that.
• It wouldn’t work any other way.
• I must work that many hours to get it all done.

These are signs that you need to challenge what’s believed to be true. You don’t try and stop the sun rising? Why, because you know it to be out of your control. Do you try and get out of the way of a stampeding bull? Why, because you believe you have control.

These are 2 obvious examples however at work they are more subtle and they are the statements that no one pays attention to. So, learn to!

GET CREATIVE

When you find the hidden beliefs in your organisation your brain will instantly come to your aid with solutions, the tragedy is that these are rarely the right ones. When coaching a team at this stage it is only on page 2 or even page 3 of a flip chart will we discover the really powerful solutions. The reason?

YOUR BRAIN LIKES TO PROVE YOU RIGHT.

So when you say 1 plus 1, it’s already proudly given you the answer. This stops you from finding new more productive ways of working since your brain wants to keep you safe – believing you’ve done all you can and there’s nothing that can be done.

It gets some raised eyebrows when I get people to think with a magic wand. “If you could do anything to fix this, regardless of cost, time, skill what would you do? If bringing Elvis back from the dead would help, we’ve got magic so what would you do?”

This gets people laughing (Or embarrassed for me – that’s all good – challenging your beliefs is tough) and more relaxed so it’s easier to deal with challenges at work when you don’t feel responsible for them. If you are going to use this tool, ensure you ask follow up questions like;

• “And what would that give you?”
• “And why would you benefit from that?”
• Or “And what would that lead to?”

This is where the powerful ideas are!

SHARED GOALS – ACCEPTED AND APPRECIATED DIFFERENCES

In a company you’ll have those that are predominantly interested in the end result, those that are interested that it delivers to your customers what was promised and those that want to ensure it comes on budget.

Trying to get them to think differently won’t work and can cause a lot of stress as different departments feel they have no control over the outcome.

Enabling everyone to appreciate their different views and priorities and how they come to together for the result helps reduce stress, which leads us on to a massive issue when we feel we lack control..

COMMUNICATION RULES

By now you can see that control is not always about control but your perception of it. When you bring everyone together to a common goal that they feel invested in it can be hard to not end up with email mountains. I’ve never seen a team I couldn’t reduce their workload for. Time management improves and staff get happier when they don’t feel like they are constantly chasing their tail to do everything for everyone.
As a company create communication rules. (Go back to the crazy magic wand idea to achieve this.) They can include;

• No emails to be sent on a Friday afternoon – stops the Sunday night panic to get ahead of the game.
• Stop blanket “what do I do” emails and encourage “Here’s 3 solutions which would work best” emails?
• Open door policy applies, Thursday afternoon is quiet afternoon – only email/call if it cannot wait – urgent.
• Is it really urgent or are you trying to move it from your desk?

These aren’t comfortable conversations, but they help restore a sense of control. If…

BOUNDARIES

Are enforced. Enforced sounds like a harsh word however to restore a sense of control in any environment if everyone creates the rules, everyone lives by them.

If after a few weeks you discover the rules aren’t working for you, don’t be frightened to go through the process again and see what’s working and what needs to alter.

A team of researchers from the University of Illinois studied occupational stress and employee well-being, those who have greater “boundary control” over their work and personal lives were better at creating a stress buffer that helped protect them from falling into a negative-rumination trap. (2) and research also teaches us that those that feel like they are respected, and part of the process are usually 90% more committed to a positive result, so it’s a process worth investing in.

And lastly, we all know that trying to have complete control is a cause of stress, therefore by lowering that need for control you can become more in control – ironic right?

Check out Polarity management by Barry Johnson PHD (3), his theory on managing uncontrollable situations has featured in more than a few coaching sessions. he teaches you a more powerful way to see the uncontrollable, instead of trying to control it, work on balancing it and says “those that develop the ability to distinguish between solvable problems and unsolvable polarities and have the ability to respond effectively to each will outperform those who can’t distinguish between them and who try to address all issues from a problem solving perspective.”

The good news for you and your team is that no matter what the future may throw at you and let’s be honest after this year it could be anything, with these skills you are ready for anything, resilient with an adaptive mindset ready to embrace the uncontrollable.

This is such an important subject I will be bringing you future ideas around this to support you and your team. If you would like personalised solutions, do get in touch. My coaching is very unique and gets exceptional results. Working with you and your team will be an honour.

(1) https://www.who.int/teams/mental-health-and-substance-use/mental-health-in-the-workplace

(2) https://www.mdadvices.com/ArticleDetails/3/control-over-work-life-boundaries-creates-crucial-buffer-to-manage-after-hours-work-stress

(3) https://amzn.to/3m5SYaT

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Time Management – too many tasks and not enough time – 10 day plan

I once was sat with a client who protested “I could have 10 days in a week and I’d still not have enough time to get everything done!”

We went on to create a 10 day week and they were right, they had too much to do! But through their coaching session they created this plan and now miraculously have more time, less stress and achieve more. The 10 day week is a strategy for time management that is so powerful that I share it with many business owners, teams and leaders and it helps increase productivity and creativity and reduce stress too.

Below you can download your own version and ensure you also ask the below questions(these are some of the ones that featured in my session with my client), because often when you don’t have enough time in your day these things are the real issue;

• Not wanting to upset someone by not replying immediately.
• Not wanting to look like you can’t cope.
• Fearing missing out or of what people will think of you if you leave the task they’ve asked you to do.
• Fear of missing out on opportunities.
• Getting on with the unimportant tasks because they feel easier and you assume the big tasks will fail, be hard or not work.
• Lacking confidence.
• Lacking skills.
• Lacking communication skills to ask for what you want or need.

Questions to ask yourself;

• At what time of the day do I set my to do list? (Last thing at night is the key time.)
• Do I open emails at all times of the day or at a set time? (Opening emails and not actioning them wastes precious time, my clients learn to handle every item, message, email task only once.
• Am I on my agenda or manipulated by others needs? (Can you Justers feature in my book Fight the fear in Chapter 6. Learn how to communicate with them so you achieve more.)
• Do I have clear goals for this week? This month? This year?
• Do I honour my needs?
• Do I put myself at the bottom of the importance list?
• What stops me from believing in my ability to achieve?
• What stops me from picking up the phone so I hide behind email?
• What assumptions am I making on the outcome of this activity? Is it helpful or hindering.

There are lot of questions you need to ask yourself, but if you aren’t achieving it is more likely to do with your perception of what is importance, your confidence and communication and prioritising what your success needs. I’m happy to have a chat to look at this in more detail.10 day plan

1. When you set up a 10 day week, start on any day you like. You can include weekends or block them out so you only have the working days featuring.
2. Follow the instructions on the worksheet and question what reasons there could be on inaction or lack of completion.10 day plan
3. Personally I use an A3 piece of paper and different colours to denote money making jobs, clients needs, silent working time, etc. You don’t have to include lines to your day column although for me I find it makes me take time seriously. I quite often find that I’m so focused on the goals for that week/month/year that I can get ahead of schedule and I’ve never been so update on emails too – hope it helps you too.

My online mastermind group is only £5 a month and gets incredibly results. I’ve just launched all my courses for my mastermind group at £1 each so that I can add more low cost ways to support those looking to achieve more no matter what. Learn more here.

10 day plan down load yours here

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Corona virus and working from home – how to stay motivated, productive and achieve more!

For sole traders, freelancers and micro businesses working from home is no new thing, however we are likely to see a massive increase in the need to work from home and while it sounds heavenly to wear what you like, stroke the dog and work the way you want to, it rarely works like that without putting a lot of strategies into place.

So, whether you manage a team (that you now need to lead remotely) work on your own or report to a boss how can you manage your time effectively, not get cabin fever and actually achieve more?

As a coach helping people with these issues is something that is naturally woven into the fibre of my time with my clients so let’s help you achieve more wherever you are working from.

Remember you can have the best business model, products & services, marketing strategy and company but without the practices around the human(s) within your organisation you are open to a lot of risk.

Let’s reduce that.

1. Company ethos. If you are a company that has always operated an open-door policy then that needs to still apply – how will you ensure that happens? If you are company that believes that everyone’s ideas are valid and to be heard how are you going to ensure that still happens? A lot of the large teams I work with create communication laws so that everyone can be more productive – how can you adjust these to still support yourself, your team and your customers and suppliers? Even if you work alone knowing your preferred communication style will help create structure and increase productivity.
2. Boundaries are essential in all of our lives. If you create communication laws they will includes boundaries (for instance one company banned anyone from sending emails on a Friday – this stopped the “moving a problem” mentality that made the return to work on a Monday stressful and unproductive, it also ensured people took responsibility and ownership and supported one another.) Ensure your boundaries are communicated and honoured. When I asked business owners that work from home if they ever got asked this question it was 100% yes. The question was “Do you ever get someone phone you and say, ‘Oh are you working today’?” Annoying right? Communicate that I am working between these hours and only work-related conversations will be answered. (Remember you don’t have to answer the phone when it rings.) If you struggle with this check out some articles on this site around confidence. When you don’t put yourself on the importance list your business and own success suffers. We naturally want to help others and underlying fears stop us from telling people what we want and need.  So build confidence and you can communicate what you want and need and people will love you just as much (often more!)
3. Company goals. It can be all too easy to gain a survival mentality when we are faced with massive adversity. And it can cause long term problems personally and professionally. Don’t dishonour your company’s goals at this critical time. You may need to turn some areas into back burners (this is a term I use with clients – it may be a great idea but it is not essential to the goal at this time so they park it for later. This usually ensures it naturally starts happening anyway because their minds are looking out for the opportunities and resources they will need.) Take the time to sit down and plan, structure your thoughts as a company, sharing and learning from your customers and suppliers too – they often have different insights that could support you.
4. Panic! Don’t do it. You know those predictable horror movies where someone is screaming their head off and then within 3 scenes (after they’ve gone off to explore on their own – classic horror movie mistake!) they are very dead? Panicking doesn’t help. If anything you open yourself up to stress and stress causes illness! (And it damages your productivity, your ability to think creatively and your ability to concentrate.) The SAS are taught skills so they remain calm no matter what. That’s not just so they don’t look like they’ve just stepped out of a predictable horror movie, that’s because there is science behind our need to stay calm. Hysteria has caused enough disasters throughout human history. There is no denying how awful the Corona Virus is and for many it is their first experience of having no control and of things going wrong. Anyone that has received an awful diagnosis from a doctor will tell you they wish they had known how to handle it better. As tough as this is to accept, this is a chance to learn.
5. Change is going to be needed. Don’t assume how you get to work in the office will be the same at home. Trying to mould the world to suit can make life very stressful so change needs an agile attitude to adaptability. Some people will naturally be able to adjust and others will look like they are fighting it. We don’t all learn or think in the same way and we don’t all deal with change in the same way. Create an open honest dialog that enables those that struggle to feel safe to explain their struggles. If you are someone that has worked for the company for 10 years are part of the management team and don’t have a clue about half the tech they are saying you’ve got to use. It’s not easy to say “Hey guys, I know you look to me to support and lead but right now I need some help.” What will you do to assist everyone to adapt effectively? How will you coach your team remotely to support them? Never underestimate how much change can be the issue within your work place. People hide all manner of fears and it looks like they are fighting the development you wish to introduce. They aren’t trying to annoy you and fight you. They need help to change.
6. You know how when you get on holiday you love the lack of structure, the over eating, the sheer indulgence of doing what you want when you want? And how by the end of the holiday you are looking forward to an early night and a vegetable? The fact is a little structure is good for you. But getting the right structure is unique to you. Look for somewhere in your life where you naturally excel at achieving what you want to. Maybe you can book a holiday and fly to somewhere sunny in 24 hours and not forget a single thing. How did you manage that? What skills did you utilise? What were you choosing to think? When I coach clients we look to migrate mind set and skill set skills to enable them to achieve in areas that they struggle with. So get your structure right for you.
7. Science of you. What works for one does not work for the other. One size doesn’t fit all and when I’m coaching people they will say what should I do? I don’t know. And that’s good. Because it has to be according to your values, your beliefs and your goals in life. When you tap into who you really are then you achieve more. This is very relevant when it comes to achieving more and being self disciplined when working from home. In Fight the fear in chapter one there’s a great tool to help you work out your top values.
8. Targets – set them for yourself, for your team and for each other. It is all too easy to end up in a nice comfy bubble and that’s not good for you. You stop challenging yourself in how you work, what you think or how you act. You miss out on new trends, new ideas and even keeping up to date on laws and best practices. Setting targets and communicating means you naturally stay connected and that is very good for you mentally, emotionally, physically and professionally.
9. Checking in and mentoring. Leading on from targets if you are someone that likes having a team to rely on how are you going to keep that ethos to your working life at home? With the Insiders my confidential mastermind group (It’s only £5 a month because I want to prove it’s about supporting professionals not making money) they know they can ask anything and find the support, ideas and resources they need. What will you put in place to get the mentoring you need? And how will you ensure you stick with it?
10. Honesty with no judgement. One of the reasons my coaching is so powerful is because people are safe to say anything knowing there is no judgement. How will you create and communicate that to yourself and your team? Who will you turn to and ensure you are honest with? (And yes you can turn to me. Many do.) It will also make you more accountable and that is perfect for working from home when you can lose motivation and focus.
11. I’m just going to….If you hear yourself say these words step away! I’m just going to is not just anything. Just putting the dish washer on or just sorting the toy box is not good for many reasons. You cause procrastination, you change your mindset from work to home mode and it’s not easy to get it back. Did you know on average for every distraction “Just checking your email, collecting the post from the front door, replying to your mate on Facebook” you do it will take you 15 minutes to get back into the flow of working. So if you get distracted 3 times that project/task/report is going to take you an extra 45 minutes. You can see how quickly your working week can disappear! Be disciplined and if you know you can’t be disciplined on your own post to me on Facebook “Hey @Mandie Holgate I’m going to have that report finished by 2.14pm today.” Sharing publicly is usually enough to kick your own butt into productivity. And getting specific on the time focuses the mind!
12. Fear and lack of confidence – if someone is not responding to your emails, calls, etc it doesn’t mean they are bingeing on a box set ignoring you, it could mean they are struggling and fear coming forward. A clean communication structure and plan for everyone will help break down this issue. Not everyone copes with fear in the same way. Some get consumed by it and don’t realise how badly the media and social media can feed fears. They may see you posting comments that suggest you are feeling nervous but confident with an “all is fine”, so they may feel you won’t understand how they are feeling. Remember no judgement on you or them. Look out for the warning signs in those you work with and ask them kindly “How are you coping with all this? If you ever need someone I’m there and I mean that. I’ve been giving people my home telephone number so that they know if they are having a tough day and feel isolated I’m here to have a chat and cheer them up. Look for the people that will motivate you. I even had someone message me saying “Mandie can you post a motivating video please?” I was happy to oblige.
13. Even if you don’t realise it your work environment sets off a mindset at work that says “Right let’s do this….” When you work at home it can be hard to recreate this. You may not have the luxury of an office and have family members just popping in to ask a quick question. Years ago I would put a sign with my children’s favourite characters on saying “Mummy has to finish her work, remember if you disturb me now I will have to finish later and I’d rather be playing with you. Love you!” it made them smile and remember the chat we had only had 20 minutes ago (see below for more on this). So if your working environment from home is less than ideal, here are a few ideas for you.
    1. Sound cancelling headphones are genius.
    2. Aromatherapy like rosemary has been used for thousands of years to improve brain function. And if you are feeling stressed there’s an oil for that too. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5198031/ I like this site for information on this but it dates back to the ancient Greeks and Romans so I’d say there’s some evidence to suggest this can help!
    3. Different rooms of the house. Don’t restrict yourself to the kitchen table. If your dressing table has a nice view set up shop there.
    4. Lighting can change the mood, fast. Get the light right for optimum productivity. Be aware if the lighting is giving you a headache is distracting you or making you squint.
    5. I discovered that if I had something motivational to write like these articles or my work for Lifehack then Captain Jack’s Pirates of the Caribbean is awesome for giving you that sense that you can achieve anything. Likewise if I’m dealing with something that needs a more sombre tone wow does Schindlers list do it for me – sometimes too much. Play with music to work out what inspires and motivates you and what distracts and demotivates you.
    6. Photos – it’s amazing how a happy moment in your life can create an instant feel good boost. 
    7. How’s your bottom? Seriously ensure you are sat well. Office chairs have been designed for long sitting, your dining chair – probably not. Get comfortable and don’t slouch.
    8. Walk away. It can be all too easy to get your head down and power through an 8 hour day with only refreshment breaks. Don’t do it. You can’t maintain it long term (Honestly you can’t, I’ve worked with plenty of CEO’s who’ve learnt the hard way!) a short break can give your brain the space it needs to achieve more and stay productive for longer. Studies have proven this time and time again.
    9. Research shows that we can be up to 4% smarter from being well hydrated. So when you set up your desk for the day ensure you’ve got your glass of water there. Even if you hate water when the coffee is all gone eventually you end up drinking it anyway!
    10. Move the phone out of arm shot. Phones are so distracting. If you lack discipline put yours out of reach. You can still hear it but it won’t stop you from being productive.
14. You’ve just gained all that time you spent commuting. Don’t give all of that to achieving more at work. What fun do you never get around to? Have you always wanted to do a bit of Yoga in the mornings? Download an ap. I know some amazing personal trainers with their own dance training. Victoria Strudwick and Maxine Jones are just two that make me smile and get active. Always wanted to read a certain book or learn how to knit, cook, sew, paint, craft, coach – now is the time to add some personal goals and fun too!
15. That job you never get around to – work on the inside – inside you and inside your home. Instead of feeling trapped and getting cabin fever, imagine how great it will be to look around you and see all those niggly little jobs gone! That commute time saved could be used for those things too. Things like this may seem trivial but what you are actually doing on the inside is creating positive mindset. Positive mindset, leads to positive beliefs and perspectives. Positive beliefs and perspectives leads to positive actions and results. Trust me I’ve seen this in thousands of coaching clients!
16. Make some money! You know that cupboard that everyone just throws things in fast and shuts just as fast for the next poor soul to end up having it pour out on them? This is the perfect time for a spring clean – good to keep Corona Virus away and you could find a ton of stuff you can sell. Okay maybe you can’t post to eBay, Facebook etc right now. But take the nice pictures, create an inventory and plan how much money you could make from letting the eaves on your house stop groaning under 20 years of unloved stuff!
17. Get the family and your friends on board – don’t try and go this alone. You will need your loved ones to know your plans, whatever you take a way from this article ensure you communicate with with them too. You could actually help them be more productive and successful too. You are their role model, be a good one and remember if all else fails remind them that if you don’t get your work done we won’t have the money for holidays, cinema, clubs, trips, food, etc. my children used to love it when I set them up a work station next to me. With their home work, an apple a glass of water and a pad and pen for ideas (so they looked just like Mummy). It made them feel big and grown up and like they were helping Mummy, which of course they were. What would work for you and what issues are you likely to face? Tackle them now.
18. And lastly – Warning signs – don’t start mindlessly spending online, drinking and eating. Be mindful of what you are doing and why you are doing it. If you want to start work at 7 am and have a two hour lunch break and fancy binging on a box set as long as your work is finished by the end of the day – own that. Really savour it and you won’t hate working from home, you may never want to go back because you are getting so much done and having fun!

I mean it when I say I’m here for you. These are unprecedented times so look for the people that aren’t looking to make money out of you but genuinely care about you. And you can add me to that list.

Please note this is not everything you could and should do for yourself and anyone you work with. It’s a launch pad to understanding. Let me know how you get on. And if you benefit from this article, taking a few minutes to say thank you with the PayPal button is greatly appreciated. I spend a lot of time ensuring that every visit to my site shares something useful for you, your team and your success. Thank you for appreciating that.

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You, Your team and time management – how to achieve more every day.

Not getting as much done as you would like?
Please don’t read another book.
Please don’t write another list.

In my experience and I’ve helped individuals, mums, CEO’s, teams of 10 and teams of 200+ to achieve more and even apps aren’t enough!

There’s more that I teach and share – communication rules and laws, boundaries, respect, open door policy and when not to. Company policy, mission and vision. So much, but this should get you and your team achieving more.

Remember if you want to achieve more you have to create space to and that means making time – time management coaching enables you and your team to do this.

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How to actually have a holiday – guilt free, phone off, not overloaded on your return!

This time of year our social media is awash with golden beaches, azure blue pools and half naked friends on holiday in locations around the world. While I adore sharing your moments and feeling your happiness I am a bit confused.

Why are you not actually on holiday? It’s a bit like business owners and employees who work in the business but don’t work on their business.

These holiday makers are in the holiday but they are not on the holiday.

• I want to share why that’s not good for you, your happiness or your success.
• Why you do it
• And how to fix it.

Ready?

Let’s start by looking at why you are probably shouting at me in scorn right now saying “You don’t get it, it’s not that easy to disappear for 2 weeks….” I really get it, honestly I do. I hear this from new clients all the time. If you care about your career/business you want to do all you can to look after it don’t you?

You don’t step fully away from business when you are on holiday because;

• You fear something could go wrong and you won’t be there to fix it.
• You fear something great could land on your desk while you are away and you won’t get the job/opportunity/contract/promotion because you weren’t there to answer it.
• You fear you could be missing out on something.
• You fear the people that are in the office won’t do what you would have done and damage your or your business’s reputation.
• You fear someone else will get an awesome opportunity that you wanted!
• You fear someone will get the praise for your work.
• You fear what people will say about you not answering your email/phone/messages for 2 weeks.
• You hate the idea of coming back to 700+ emails and it’s easier just to answer them before you hit the pool/beach/bar/slopes. Isn’t it?

The list is long and I’m sure I’ve not covered all the excuses I hear as to why it’s good to keep your phone on this holiday, however would you like some evidence to shock you into considering truly walking away from the office, before we crack on how to achieve it and what kind of results you could get for your professional life with your phone turned off?

• In a great book called The Decisive Moment, by Jonah Lehrer writes about 2 Israeli judges who were observed in their ratio of allowing parole for prisoners. If the judges missed their 2 allotted breaks that day the percentage that they would put forward for parole eventually dropped to 0%! This is known as Decision fatigue and I personally see it happening to teams all the time (before we work together). This is a syndrome coined by social psychologist Dr. Roy F. Baumeister, based on the Freudian hypothesis of ego depletion* And if you look into this for yourself, you will find that if decision fatigue isn’t handled well eventually you can’t even make basic decisions like what to have for dinner. (And if you don’t eat right that then also impacts on your ability to work well. Scary right? 
• If you want more proof, Researchers at Yale discovered that stress reduces the volume of grey matter in the areas of the brain responsible for self-control. So experiencing stress actually makes it more difficult to deal with future stress because it diminishes your ability to take control of the situation, manage your stress and keep things from getting out of control. And guess what working without a break causes? You guessed it, stress!
• Okay, so Kuoni may have an invested interest in this study, however it still makes for fascinating reading that your health and even your ability to sleep can be impacted on by a good rest, a real rest, not an “I’m by the pool working” rest. https://www.kuoni.co.uk/holiday-health-experiment#

Great Mandie you’re guilt tripping me here and while I know this stuff, that doesn’t mean its’ achievable, business never sleeps right?

I get that, I really do, so between us we have a good idea why you don’t turn off completely and we also know why it’s imperative you do. What about if I shared how I get to go on holiday (and my clients do too), turn the phone off, get the holiday automated message on and have a guilt free fabulous holiday AND grow their business and gain new opportunities?

Would that help?

As an example I’ve just had 9 days away from my business (I’ve already had a 4 day break in the winter and 17 days in Disneyland in April and I’ve got more holidays booked for later in the year too – I tell you this so you can see this is not a one off, this is a lifestyle and business model that is sustainable long term.) And on every occasion the phone is off. I really am out of the office. I’m only back to work for 5 hours and already I’m aware of these great things that have automatically happened for me;

• Gained sales for events to the end of the year – I’m not even promoting these yet!
• Gained a speaking engagement.
• Been asked to assist with an event.
• Gained sales in my CBD oil business and gained 2 new team members. (That’s my part time for fun business because it’s helped me.)
• Gained 2 new enquiries to join The Business Womans Network coordinator team and 5 enquiries to attend events in the Autumn.
• Gained an enquiry asking if I’d like to be an affiliate for a large organisation.
• Been asked to supply previous printed articles for two large publications that would like to promote me and my books.
• Gained 4 coaching enquiries – 1 has already turned into a client and I’m due to hear from the others over the next 7 days.

And I’ve not even finished opening all my email and social media messages yet!

How is that possible?

Here’s some ideas for you so you can enjoy that holiday 100% (guilt free.)

Plan months in advance. My retained coaching clients and BWN team already know when I’m on holiday to the end of the year and are already aware of my developing Summer 2020 plans. Whenever I see a client, a connection, lead or opportunity I finish by ensuring that they know when they will have whatever it is I’ve promised them and when I’m not able to assist further. (I also will include an emergency number, usually my husbands number, not mine, so that they know its for genuine emergencies only.) If you are doing your very best for people then this is adequate. See below for what that is.

Trust. I too used to check my phone on holiday. It takes only a few minutes to jump online and check there is nothing to be worrying about, right? However if you know anything about flow it takes us on average 15 minutes to get back into the flow of what we doing (Just as good to remember for at work too, so turn off your phone, turn off your laptop sounds so you can concentrate and get more done!) This means that when on holiday you are constantly being propelled back into work mode, work thoughts, and automatic pathways, Here’s some examples for you;

• Got a member of staff that is always negative? Then guess what you think when you see their name on an email while you sip your cocktail? (And no, it’s not positive thoughts, emotions and mindsets!
• Got a big contract coming up when you get back but left the office feeling confident, you’d got everything ready for your return? Guess what? You are having that gorgeous meal, looking at that gorgeous view with your gorgeous loved ones and suddenly you are running through your working week!

I completely understand how this feels, and the additional ideas below will help you create a better way. But for now trust is key. Trust you have done all you can for everyone you work with, trust that on your return you will do an awesome job as you always do. And remember that  great bosses, teams, customers and suppliers will respect you and trust that you will do your best for them – and they will say things like they do to me “Mandie we know how much you care about our success, go and enjoy your holiday and we look forward to working with you on your return. You deserve it”.  Working with the right people is good for business too – I only seem to attract driven passionate people who want to do their best for themselves and their teams and as such they care about me as their coach too – they pay on time, don’t get in touch late at night or at the weekend and really care that we have a win win relationship. If you find you are not convinced of this, ask yourself for what reason? That will help you create a plan of action to allay your fears and tackle theirs too.

Respect – If you want people to respect you and your life then you need to respect theirs too – don’t dump last minute jobs on people’s metaphorically desks. If you need something urgently then ask yourself “What is this persons preferred way of communicating?” Again this is also good for long term success too.

Fire fighting – Fire fighting is not a long term solution to professional success and if you are constantly doing this then leaders aren’t leading, staff aren’t self sufficient, and adequately trained, boundaries aren’t in place and a clear vision, mission, goals, plans, actions and expectations are not being created. Create these and everyone feels safer at work, every day. Getting rid of the fire fighter approach is not just good for stress free holidays it’s also good for sustainable business growth and happier, less stressed staff – and do you know what less stressed staff are great for? Creativity, productivity, better health, happier work environments and even higher profitability! A good reason to know your vision, mission, goals, plans, actions, expectations right?

Think of the children (and your trusted network!) If I am faced with a client that really can’t see a way to change from their current mode of thought and actions then I will quite often ask if they have children or people that they love working with (as we all do) and I will ask them this; “Would you want this for your son/daughter/colleague/boss/team?” This invariably gets a “of course not!” to which then they have to admit “OK so why is it good enough for you?” If you work 24/7 and you are never allowed a day off or a life away from work ever again, what does that say to those around you who you are a role model for? (And we are all role models for someone). I hear antiquated dangerous and not good for success comments like “You can only be successful if you work 24/.” Really? Guess how much harder success is going to be with that mindset? Is that really inspiring you and spurring you or killing off your passion? And think about how that may impact on those around you and their own beliefs, scary right?

Whether it’s fact or fiction that Archimedes came up with his great principle of buoyancy in the bath or not the fact is that he was a great thinker and didn’t just do his thinking at a desk. If you’ve ever found your mind wandering and then noticed and pulled yourself back to reality you will know how freeing it can feel. What were you thinking about? It doesn’t matter, because that down time enables your brain to keep working even when it feels like you aren’t! I remember a few years ago I was strolling along a beach in the South of France looking at shells and splashing in the waves and I suddenly had this thought “How can I help more people that don’t necessarily have the  budget?” And I just left it and jumped in the sea. Only for me to emerge from the sea, legging it across the too hot sand back to my lounger thinking “How great would it be to have a confidential 24/7 mastermind group – we could create a bank of ideas and support that was accessible every day!” And behold The Insiders was born! Was that magic? Of course it’s not! I’d given my brain the space and permission to work on anything it fancied! True holiday’s can do that for you too.

Start of the new year. For me my year doesn’t run from January to December, they run September to July. It all started years ago when I read about the English Rugby team who’d been performing horrifically until they worked with a life coach. The premise was that at half time, they’d come back out in a clean kit. Because it made them feel like the start of the game and that anything was possible. This and other ideas they put together with their coach enabled them to become great again. I come back from holidays refreshed and buzzing with ideas. So August (I hadn’t missed it out accidentally!) Is my planning month. I review the previous 11 months and assess what I want to achieve by the end of the true year end (31^st of December) and that then is a mini goal stage to my big goal for July. Creating your own agenda ensures you stay motivated, focused and accountable to your goals. And August is a joyous month for me as I concentrate on my own growth, happiness and success. So ask yourself when do you create the time to work on your business/professional success?

When did the holiday message not become an acceptable “I’m sorry I’m out of the office” reply? When did it become a success requirement that you would be attached to your professional life 24/7? Seriously I’m intrigued. I was working with a team of 55 people and many lamented that email were a hell of their working life. It didn’t take long to discover that everyone had different beliefs on what should be answered as a priority, what could be ignored (reference only) and what was expected of everyone. Putting our thoughts together collectively they were able to create a far more powerful strategy to email and free up a lot of time in their working day. If you have a message that says I’m out of the office today in the event of an emergency, etc,etc then abide by it too. In this way you are helping to reduce the stress for those that you work with too. We can’t have a change in professional culture without the brave.

Automate your marketing. I’m one for real conversations but if you consider the evidence for why you need time out, you can see that sometimes you need to automate and schedule. And there’s nothing wrong with that. The same principles can be used for when you are mega busy. It’s not just your marketing you can automate. Create standardised letters that you personalise for things that you find yourself repeating, separate emails into separate folders so you prioritise. There’s a ton of apps to help you get organised, find the ones that work for you and your time management improves too!

Don’t fear asking for help. I can be guilty of this. We feel like we have to be super human don’t we? Doing everything for everyone, well guess what? You don’t! And if you ask for help when you want to holiday guilt free others will help and then you know you are truly part of a team. All striving for the same goals. Get over your fear of asking for help (My book -Fight the fear looks at this) and you could find this a lot easier and life in general a little easier too.

From FOMO to JOMO – Fear Of Missing Out? Try Joy Of Missing Out! I love being connected to you and your lives and sharing in your special times, your tough days, trials and celebrations, however I also love not having a clue and then meeting up with you and hearing all about it. We are so used to knowing everything instantly we’ve forgotten the joy of  being completely absorbed in our own worlds. And if you are a highly sensitive person (I am, it’s nothing to be ashamed of if you handle it well. It can actually be a blessing in business and life) then being connected all the time can be really damaging. Just like the news always being delivered is bad and drags us down, so too do other people’s struggles that we can’t fix. You have complete permission to disconnect. I think that is why I adore my caravan so much. To get into nature, away from people and disconnect makes me feel amazing. Try some JOMO and see how it feels. At first it may feel alien, but trust me it will feel good in the long term!

And lastly I was in a conference call today and of the 10 people in the call, I’m the only one that said “ I won’t be about between these dates. I’m away” Everyone else said things along the lines of “I’m away but I will be answering my emails.” Not one person was giving themselves a true break. And one even said “Wow, you’re brave!” I replied, “No, I’m organised”. It’s no good just going on holiday and hoping it will all be good when you return. It’s all in the planning, communication, boundaries and goals that you guessed it I started planning last September! So if you are going away on Monday, you may find that you need to do an extra level of work this week to get even a third of this in place, but wow will it be worth it. And then you can plan how all of this factors in your future to make the holiday after this one stress free and guilt free too!

If you’ve never done this before start small. Get strict. If you say you are finishing work at 6 pm, then don’t look at your phone again. If you say you are away this weekend. Don’t look at your phone. When I’m major busy and buzzed up at my clients success I can be tempted to live on my phone. My go to actions are 1. Give my phone to my hubby and tell him that under no circumstance is he to give it back. 2. Let my phone go flat – good for the planet too – just think how many hours of energy we could save! 3. Remind my teenagers that 2 hours before bedtime you should not use your phone and that they are to remind me that if I expect them to do something, I need to be a role model and do it too! What go to actions do you need to get strict?

We care passionately about our customers, colleagues and those around us, however I’m often fascinated by the fact that rarely do people put themselves on the priority list too. Time to change? Because you’ve now got the evidence and the ideas to make it a reality.

If you have a hardworking passionate team I’d be honoured to group coach you to action these tools and many more especially tailored to you. Just get in touch to learn more.

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Are you really professional? Professionalism and your success. (Warning: Not for the faint hearted)

Okay so this is a difficult one, and I’ve been sitting on the edge of writing this for about 2 years. But since it’s at a near critical level I’d better mention it.

A lack of professionalism is killing many people’s success.

There I said it.

People think they are professional but in the last 24 hours I’ve had 4 people talk to me confidentially (because they know I will be confidential) about this issue.

(These are not their stories – these are some of the ones that I’ve seen in the last year. There’s plenty more!)

• The business owner that told me they couldn’t believe they’d spent months trying to get a client to complete the paper work. Only to phone them and discover they were “Desperate to get started” so why had they not been in touch, completed the paper work or phoned?
• The business owner that needed someone to turn up at a set time and they didn’t just not show they didn’t even explain why!
• The contractor that was unceremoniously sacked from a position via email after years of loyal service.
• The business owner who was unhappy with the quality of a product and instead of telling the supplier they ranted on social media and slated the company at networking events.
• The business owner that discovered they’d been removed from social media groups and had all of their messages ignored in a “we hope they just go away” approach.

If you’ve ever done any of these things it’s damaging your success;

• Talked about people behind their back.
• Not picked up the phone when you are unhappy with the service, product quality, etc.
• Not turning up to things you said you would.
• Not done something that you said you would.
• Hidden behind email when you should have told someone how you really felt over the phone or in a face to face meeting.

There’s plenty more but you get the idea.

The point is that owning a business is not all high sales, happy clients and fun times. It can be hard work and it can also be uncomfortable (top tip if it doesn’t feel uncomfortable once in a while then you are not pushing yourself – speak to your coach about that.)

You will need to have conversations that you don’t want to.

When I help clients deal with confrontation, I’ve never had the result where the client has had to have an all out slagging match with someone, however they have had to face the situation and address it.

When you don’t’ deal with things in a respectful and appropriate way it can damage your professionalism, your reputation, your sales and even your mental health as you berate yourself night after night about why did you not do that, or not say this.

Difficult conversations do not need instant responses. They need time to process your thoughts. Establish the facts. Remove the emotion and communicate what is wanted to resolve the situation.

Difficult conversations need to be had so that people know you are a business owner and not a push over.

Difficult conversations need to be managed well so that you walk away with your head held high.

• So if you say you are going to attend an exhibition – turn up. I’ve heard plenty of event organisers talk about no shows to their events and the problems it causes. What is worse the situation seems to be getting a lot worse. When I started my professional speaking career you would see a no show average of 10 to 25% now it can be as high as 50%!
• If you say you can help with something, then don’t rain off. If you are a People Pleaser that says an instant yes and thinks after. Learn to say something different like “I’d love to be involved with this. Can you send me some info over so I can check my work load and see if I can.”
• If someone doesn’t turn up for meetings on more than one occasion or contsantly moves your meeting date, do you really want to work with them? Learn to walk away from unprofessional people.
• If you always feel like there is a hidden conversation that you are not part of, find out why. Ask someone. It could be you are not alone in this and others feel awkward and unwanted to. It could be that those that can make a difference have no idea and would really like to be able to address the situation – if they knew about it.
• If you feel you are being treated unfairly stand up for yourself. As above you may not be the only one but you could be the one that helps establish a new transparent, fairer and ethical way of working and communicating for others in the future. Not everyone will have your confidence to speak up. Others may suffer in silence for years!

None of the above our easy. Plan what you will say. Don’t fear the outcome. Trust you are good enough.

You can’t win every battle and you won’t get on with all 4 billion people on this planet. Accept that and be professional. So that no matter what happens you know you did your best, and ultimately that is the best you can do.

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I know why you will work on a bank holiday – and you aren’t going to like it.

I know you have a mountain of things to get done and the bank holiday seems like a great opportunity to get ahead, right?

But here’s the thing, I once created a 10 day week for a client, and they could see that no matter how much time you create – you will fill it.

Mountains of research points to the benefits on your minds ability to problem solve, get creative, get productive and even sell more from having a bit of down time. Space.

That’s not checking your phone. That’s going for a bike ride. Painting a picture. Walking the dog. Yoga. The Gym. A barbecue with friends. Reading for no other reading than you love the book. Tinkering in your garage/studio/hobby room or garden.

Just real brain space from work.

The reason you won’t do it is because there’s a real fear hiding there;

• The fear that you will let someone down.
• That you will miss out on an opportunity.
• That someone will think badly of you.
• That you will look unprofessional.
• That you won’t get it all done. (MYTH; No one ever gets it all done. Those that are looking to achieve big, that believe in more will ALWAYS be able to find something else that “needs to be done.”)
• That you believe the only way to success is through agonising hours and making sacrifices (Assumptions are never good for success.)

The list of excuses for not turning off the phone and stepping away is endless. And I’ve probably heard them all;

• You don’t get it.
• It can’t be done like that tin our industry.
• It must be done immediately.
• I’m very driven – and it has to happen today.
• No one leaves these.
• Etc, etc.

In every case the client has been able to see the detrimental effect that needing to work 24/7 has on their long-term success, their happiness, their family and friends, their health even their ability to make more money.

So, trust me when I say, step away from the phone/laptop/report.

Escape.

If you want lasting success – Escape. It’s just one day.

But before you escape you need to;

• Work out what fears stop you. Fixing one day won’t fix the fear – find it, take ownership of it and get a plan of action to fight it. (I’ve seen this work so powerfully, thus please do take action.)
• Put into place clear structure to your working day – that others know and respect too. You may work at 7 am and 8 pm but is that 7 days a week? Is there an hour on a Thursday where you go to a class that is yours? Don’t be afraid to own time.
• Put boundaries in place – if you will answer emails 24/7 do you expect everyone else to as well or is it just you that needs to be a superhero?
• Know your goals. If your goal for this month is to achieve X – how will that still happen with 2 working days off? What needs to happen? Who needs to know? What adjustments do you need to make? (A great thing to remember here is if you can make 2 days disappear for fun this month and still achieve your goals, think how much more you could get done next month since you will be gaining 2 days!)
• Trust – have faith. Don’t get me wrong I can still hyperventilate if there’s a lot going on at work about turning the phone off for 17 days (last holiday duration) but with the right processes, the right clients, the right team, the right attitude and the right believes – wow it’s good for you and your success.

Not feeling it?

Feel this is impossible to do?

I’m more than  happy to have a chat anytime. Well you know how it is right?

 

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How to keep it simple and achieve more – this tips work powerfully!

A post on LinkedIn and then in a group created a lot of “Oh yes!” and “I’m so guilty of this! comments. It led to me thinking about my clients.

Already this year I’ve worked with some amazing coaching clients and because we are into February I’m starting to see people for a second time (a lot of clients like to see me every 4 to 6 weeks if we are working together long-term and not on a fear or a short term goal which we achieve so they don’t need me anymore.) And I love hearing about a client’s progress. Recently I have noticed a bit of a trend.

Not for the first time this week I’ve heard a client say, “Why did I make that so complicated!”

Because so often to achieve big in life we assume it’s got to be really tough, complicated or detailed. We think it’s got to be rocket science or brain surgery – beyond the capabilities of most of us.

So whether you are looking to;

• achieve something big,
• overcome a life long fear,
• deal with that constant sense of overwhelm and overload
• or just find the easiest way forward

Here’s a few tips on how to keep it simple inspired by my clients. In case this months budget doesn’t stretch to a couple of hours with me;

One client sat back, glared at me and rolled their eyes “I knew this would be hard” They said. “Well” I replied, “If you think it’s going to be hard guess what you’re going to get?” They laughed and scowled at the same time (because they knew I was right!) The fact is that before you get started assess what you think;

• Do you think it’s going to be hard work?
• Tough to find a solution?
• That you’ve tried everything and there is no solution?

What ever you think will ripple though to your actions and results so choose wisely.

When you’ve finished creating a plan of action ask yourself “Can I remove something?” Be your life editor, just like a real editor who will always find something that can be cut question every action, pathway and choice. Is it really necessary and going to get to where you want to go or is it a distraction so you can feel like you got somewhere (even if you didn’t!)?

Do less. Sometimes people are shocked by how few hours I can work in a week and still achieve so much. (Okay some of that is Lupus) however ultimately, I work in a way that is so powerful that I know what I’m doing, why I’m doing it and what result I want from it. I don’t have a detailed planner, app mapping out of every detail, or chart, why? Because, well that’s the next top tip.

I’m an in the moment, live life to the fullest, go with the flow but make sure you are getting what you really want (and don’t let anything or anyone stand in the way!) kind of person. I know that I love nature and the sound of the sea instantly makes me breathe deeply and think of some of the happiest days of my life. I know what makes me happy. What makes me mad. What makes me stressy and what makes me demotivated just as well as I know what makes me get on with it. If you want to achieve more don’t jump onto the next populist band wagon on this years “Must have” way of working with this “must read” book. To truly achieve more look inside you. I know it sounds corny and from a cheesy TV ad, but hey its true. So deal with it. Literally. Stop right now and ask who am I really? When you know that you can work out the most natural way to work, think and get results. Simple right? But you will be surprised how many new clients tell me about this new trend or that book that is not working for them and yet they battle through thinking they are wrong and not the book! Not every book or trend was written for you. Well maybe Harry Potter is the exception.

Simplify your goals to mere words. My goals are researched, broken down, questioned, analysed, planned, and constantly monitored to check for results, accountability, focus and even productivity and impac ton my long term goals. But to really achieve I can tell you 3 words that sum up every thing I wish to achieve this year;

Breath                  Read                     Walk

Sounds too simple right?

However while this is simple to get to 3 words, I had 3 sentences that had all the coaching, research and back ground to ensure I’d do exactly what I would need to do. Ultimately if you can’t think of your goals in mere seconds then how aer you going to achieve them?

If you are struggling to achieve your goals, or don’t even know where to start please feel free to give me a call so we can find out if I can help you. There are many ways I can help including a confidential mastermind group that is accessible 24/7 for just £5 a month – I know you think “how can something be awesome that is that small a cost?” Right?

It’s because I genuinely care and aim to help 1 million people this year – which is why my online courses are the same price too. Simple right?

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Latest article for Life Hack – How to Stop Racing Thoughts When Your Mind Won’t Let Up

Okay I doubt a single coaching client comes to me and says “Mandie can you stop the racing thoughts, its like there’s a crowd in here!” However whether it’s coaching someone to over come a life long fear, helping them deal with an challenging team member, build their confidence, process adversity and keep going or achieve a lifetime ambition, most sessions start with the client speaking non stop for at least 10 minutes (usally 20 minutes at least!) as they empty out in front of me their mind and every thought they are attempting to process and deal with. Here for Life hack I look at some of the top ideas that I use to help people when their minds seem to race ahead with a million thoughts, never giving you time to process anything or have some brain space.

We also look at;

1. Does Everyone Have Racing Thoughts?
2. How to Stop Racing Thoughts In Your Mind
3. Final Thoughts

To read the full story head over to Lifehack. And if you would love for me to write something personal for you, just let me know either in an email or through my social media.

I hope you are having a great week and if I can help, I love that phone ringing, no seriously feel free to ring me.