I wonder if you do the same as me?
Someone says something uber nice or cool about me and I just smile, maybe thank them and quickly dismiss it. Don’t get me wrong. I’m proud to be Mandie Holgate* however I rarely hold on to what people say;
“That was an awesome keynote Mandie, you’ve changed my life”
That’s nice I think, but I don’t think “Wow Mandie, aren’t you amazing!”
So is that a good thing or a bad?
For me I know that I’ve processed all of the above thoughts and personally I like to think “I’m only as good as my next coaching client session, next key note or next article.” I rarely hold on to the past successes (although I would add I do acknowledge they exist.)
And the reason I do this is because I want to always be upping my game, improving, learning and striving to be the very best coach, speaker and writer I can be.
So why do I tell you this?
Because before every coaching session or speaking engagement I’m as nervous as I was the first time! Okay so not that nervous, but nervous enough to notice and nervous enough to question “Is there something you need to process and understand here Mandie?” Usually the answer is no, because I realise it’s just me mentally preparing to perform in the best way I can. However I did stop just now when I received another message saying;
“Oh Wow Mandie, this is why people rave about working with you.”
(The rest of that message is confidential!)
The point is I was just about ready to reply with “so pleased working with me is working for you. Keep in touch, etc, etc” When I stopped and thought “Mandie you gave that person 2 hours of your life and you changed their life, how awesome is that?”
So for just the slightest moment I’ve let myself really feel that persons message and it feels like I’m standing on the top of a high mountain top looking out over the beautiful ocean, maybe a few whales or dolphins are swimming by giving me the “Hi Mandie” Flipper wave and the sun feels like the powerful energy source it is as it electrifies every wave in the ocean and I really do say to myself “Oh Wow.”
We rarely take the time to notice the impact we have on people; every day, in our work, in our lives and just in the way we may treat strangers in the street. Take a moment and appreciate your “Oh Wowness” and please feel free to share them with me on social media. I love hearing about your awesomeness.
*Are you proud to be you? I asked this because rarely can we stand up and be honest about this, and can you guess the impact that this can have on your results and successes?
An interesting little question that I helped a client create this week has had massive levels of impact on their chosen thoughts and actions and as result impacted on their performance.
It is like a little algorithm that I’ve found working on myself and other clients too. It is this;
“If I choose to drop xxx then I can choose to get xxx”
Interestingly as a coach I’ve helped people to;
The fact is this little algorithm, works powerfully in so many ways for so many people.
As so many great thinkers, leaders and philosophers over time have proved time and time again it is when we can explain things in their simplest format that we are able to understand the most.
And with this little algorithm, it enables a client to get to what really is holding them back in their ambitions, dreams and big goals for success.
That little algorithm is very beautiful and perfect. It makes my work sound so easy and simple. It is in the process that we create that the client can use that algorithm with power to get what they want in life. My clients are all incredible, finding their own way to process what is going on in their head.
Together we create something very powerful, even more powerful than an algorithm!
I find life is littered with many powerful analogies that apply to numerous aspects of our personal and professional lives and success. They can beautifully and powerfully draw our attention to obstacles and how to tackle them. These parallels can also enable us to reframe, rethink, assess and evaluate our lives to get more of what we want and remove what we don’t.
We all know the saying “Can’t see the wood for the trees” and as a coach I often hear clients say after a session that they feel like they’ve “brain dumped” everything and suddenly it all becomes clear, because we can all become entrenched in our lives and struggle to see what we really want or what really needs to happen and thus struggle to get it.
This was beautifully if a little scarily highlighted to me in my own life the other day. I’ve been injecting a chemotherapeutic medicine for 12 months to help treat my Lupus and other autoimmune diseases and the dose has slowly been increased. The great news is that as time has progressed I’ve had many benefits and it’s really helped me lead a better quality of life that I’m loving, the downside of this is that there are a few side effects that are becoming, let’s just say “less fun” and while I can put up with the severe insomnia, weight gain and other “fun” stuff I noticed last Saturday night that as I went to inject myself I felt a massive sense of loathing.
I am someone that truly appreciates the power of what we think in all aspects of our life and how it can impact on our success and so whenever I’m confronted with a negative emotion or thought, I process to understand it;
Why am I thinking this?
Is this impacting on my actions?
How is this making me react?
And I became aware that I was starting to resent the very substance that had given me so much life back. By processing this thought I was able to see that I was filling that 3 minute injection once a week with negative emotions and thoughts. Why is this relevant to you and your success?
Because not everything we want to achieve in life is accessible through passion, dedication and thought alone, it will require hard work. (Everyone knows that right?)
However, we often put off the things we don’t’ want to do, that are the very powerful game changers in our lives. We resist the needed action and this creates negative emotions that impact on our actions and thus our results.
For me I had to restructure my thoughts. Take the negative association of my needle and swap it for a positive. For me it was this thought “How amazing that 12.5ml of a liquid can give me so much life, I’m so grateful for this.” This thought then led me to remember that 5 years ago when my illnesses were a “mystery” I had a specialist tell me that I had to accept my life was over and I’d never work again. How wrong was that specialist! And it was just 12.5ml of a golden liquid that had done that! (Well maybe not just 12.5ml of liquid, it also took fighting a lot of specialists and determination!) See how powerfully I’d changed my view on an essential task in my existence?
And I’m reminded of an intriguing experiment that I read about years ago. Masaru Emoto, a Japanese Professor of Alternative Studies was said to be able to manipulate rice in a jar depending on whether negative or positive statements were told to it. It’s since been proved and disproved by many people and official bodies with some stating that the experiment never had the right controls to be “science”. Regardless of your viewpoint, many of us have heard of soul food or food made with love. My own Nan used to stir cakes or the Christmas puddings and tell us to make a wish, and I’ve never tasted finer cakes. So whether it’s true or hocum, the point is that our intentions can impact on our results, because our thoughts are powerful. There are stories of soldiers in the first world war believing they’ve been operated on under the safety of Morphine only to later have learnt that the poor doctors had run out of Morphine weeks ago and they’d undergone what should have been excruciatingly painful procedures with nothing more than a saline solution!
So what in life are you seeing as disastrous or out of your control?
What activities do you loath, put off or groan at just the thought of?
Process the emotions and the beliefs you hold to these activities and allow them to play out in full force. What results are you likely to get? How is this likely to further impact on your success?
You see life has a habit of giving us clues it’s just up to us whether we wish to see them or look the other way. Our mind is the most wonderful computer that will ever exist and we have to learn how to look after it, nurture it, and program it to get what we want.
The next time you find yourself in a fug or procrastinating ask yourself what the underlining feelings are.
And if you can’t find the wood for the trees, I’m always happy to have a chat and often share inciteful Facebook live webinars for you to benefit from for free. Sometimes it is scary to appreciate that the one person in control of our future is us, it is also something that you can restructure to think “Wow, I’m in control of the future I get!” Powerful stuff, right?
I’m often asked if I set goals and in January I’m inundated with questions about new year resolutions.
Should I set them? Shouldn’t I?
What should they look like? How should I word them? Do I need to create micro actions? Do I have to get up early? Do I have to rewrite my life?
I think that part of this can be impacted on by the fact that whereas years ago in the workplace we’d have 5 minutes chat on the way to the coffee machine now we know what people are thinking, planning and coveting 24/7 thanks to our interconnected world. Thus we can’t help but compare and contrast ourselves to others.
Great in some ways, a killer to happiness and success in others.
So with January rattling on, what do I tell people about New Years Resolutions?
It’s down to the individual. And while some can make it work, for the majority it sets up 2018 with shortcut to failure. While some have the character that means they create the passion and will achieve it no matter what, and others can create a positive addiction to a result. Many have doubts and fears about capabilities, results and even confidence can take a death defying jump off a cliff. So personally I would never set a goal according to a date. It’s ludicrous.
However, I do perform certain actions towards the end of the year. You see weirdly for me and my partner we have never seen the year as January to December (there are currently over 40 calendars in the world. With our knack for altering our year and our months going back through civilisations – any chance to make it easier to achieve right?) For me and my Hubby we have always seen the start of the new year as September, when we return from our holidays. Refreshed. Relaxed. Brain recharged. Body ready for anything. And lots of ideas and plans naturally make their way to the forefront of our minds. In this way, we find we “naturally” get stuff done in the Autumn and into the new year, without a lot of big pressure or preplanning. All that was naturally done over a glass of local wine in the South of France on a beach!
So the end of the calendar year is a great chance to reassess things;
What is working?
What do I need to change to get the results we/I want/need?
How are my actions impacting on our long-term goals?
What needs to change?
These are just some of the questions we answer to check against our desired goals in business and life. January then is my first marker to how I’m getting on. And I ask additional questions such as;
Do I feel the same level of passion for what I do?
Do I need to change what I do or how I do it?
Are my goals still stretching me?
Are comfort zones developing?
What fears are lurking that could impact on my growth?
Do I need to set new or additional actions?
Do I need to set new or additional goals?
This process often throws up little actions that can tune up the goal engine that gets me to where I want to go. It stops me from stagnating, it ensures I challenge myself and always look the right distance into the future. And for me rather importantly it ensures I stay positive. Being self-employed is epic, however, working in an office with a dog at your feet and only seeing clients via a computer screen may make lots of clients happy and successful and the bank account healthy, yet it does little for a healthy mind, so one of my personal goals that I’m happy to share with you is that I will be networking more in 2018. Not only is it great fun, delivers new opportunities and clients, for me personally most importantly it protects my mental well being.
You see a big reason we fail in our goals and new year resolutions is we just don’t work with what we’ve got. We look around at everyone else and think “I should be in the gym” “I should crave world domination” “I should want to be on TV”, etc, etc, etc and this means we stop listening to the values and passions that mattter to us and if you really want success and to achieve in 2018, start by asking these questions. Honestly and openly, what do you really want?
Now let’s get on with achieving it. Exciting isn’t it!
Have you ever walked away from conversations thinking “Why didn’t I say that!”? or found that you lose your true voice when talking business or waffle on and then think “Why did I say that!” or that you wish the ground would swallow you up when asked “what do you do?” or “speak for 60 seconds about your business”? Do you struggle to find the right words to turn a conversation into a customer?
Communication can be incredibly powerful for enabling a contact to turn into a client. In this article, I would like to share with you 8 top tips to be a compelling, confident communicator that does not fear the competition and can speak powerfully to anyone, anywhere.
I see people in business make fatal errors in the way they communicate, when I host a training session on this Conversations into Customers topic I often get them started with the simple question “What do you do?” Because unless you can tell someone what you do in less than 20 seconds, you risk not engaging with that new connection. Ideally, if you learn this skill and the science behind what could be powerful for you to say, people will be saying things like “that’s interesting, how did you get to that? or “How does that work, tell me more?
|What reasons do people give for saying No?||Perfect Client||
What would your perfect client say in reply to this No?
(Not what you would say)
|Too expensive||You won’t regret spending a penny because this works?|
|I don’t have the time||Making the time to do this will save you thousands in the no time and could increase profit.|
Look through your table, what pain and pleasure words have you created. If you have bought a course recently you will have received the free gift with 111 pain and pleasure words that can make your communications and marketing more powerful. This above exercise will help you to start to create that list. Knowing the powerful words for your target audience is critical to knowing how to engage powerfully.
So remember to remove the fear from the word No, build your confidence (and if that is still tricky I’ve a course that you can work on at your own pace to help boost yours, learn more here) appreciate your perception of the world and how it could impact on conversations, learn to listen powerfully and mirror other people in tonality, words and speed. Get over your fear of asking for it (which is probably connected to your fear of what they may think – both of which are covered in my new book Fight the fear – how to beat your negative mindset and win in life.) And if you want to know if you are winning on this. Use the pain and pleasure power words from your list or the gift I give with every course to create a powerful sentence that trips up so many people….”What do you do?” Feel free to share what you decide on my social media. And if you are bit scared to do that, why not post on the Insiders for a bit of confidential feedback? And if the confidence is rocketing, what about sharing on Facebook live!
How to turn Conversations into Customer
Compelling, confident and capable speaker
Why didn’t I say that?
Why did I say that?
Or what did I say!
Simple questions can be a mine field. What do you do? And you ramble on for five minutes instead of reply that in 20 seconds gets them interested enough to want to know more.
First we need to consider not what we say but how we see the world
Pee forget our perception of reality is different to everyone else’s.
Brains filer out information.
Millions of rods and cones, research proved that we used to think our brain only saw what we needed to see in actual fact the brain sees everything and filters out what it thinks is not relevant.
Need a pad, meeting at one, next thing you know you are spotting gorgeous shoes
What does that have to do with powerful communications? Your perceptions are distorted by your beliefs and experiences and values
So realities differ.
Hot buttons. What riles you up? What are you passionate about? What do you have definite opinions on?
Being aware of your views on everything from Family, friends, sex, to business impacts on how you communicate.
Exercise – you love others hate.
Moment to write down what you think they may be. Need some help?
Next lets look at how to feel confident. Let’s look at the most scariest word in the world. No I want to de-fear you to this word because its part and parcel of running a business.
Get in pairs and say no – How did it feel?
Lower the fear factor. How to turn a no into a yes. This helps you find your pain and pleasure power words – my course for 111 of them These need to feature in your marketing and conversations.
Find your true voice – don’t say other peoples words, I hear people copy me word for word and it sounds daft. Find your own voice. What do you stand for? What is your mission statement? Know your values?
It doesn’t’ have to be the same as other people. By talking about what matters and using your true voice not only will you gain your own following which boosts your confidence you will natural attract the right target audience too.
Listen – 2 reasons – 1 gives respect and shows you care 2 powerful clues on what to say to power up your conversation.
This enables you to mirror body language with their words.
Adjust the speed you speak at. In pairs speak fast and slow – how did it feel?
Trial the speed you speak and be aware of other peoples choice of speed, pace, tonality.
Use in marketing and if someone likes detail in conversation be aware of that for your emails – you don’t want to get your there their and they’re mixed up and risk alienating them.
Ask for what you want. Women don’t ask for what they want.
Trial how you say it. The insiders is a great place for this.
How can I help you further.
It all started with a passion for helping people to achieve their biggest and wildest dreams. And it grew into a realisation that I could write(because let’s face it if you want to succeed in the 21st century then you have to get your head around digital marketing) and then the next thing I know I’m being asked to write a book for the UK’s leading non fiction publishers. It is quite honestly the biggest ambition of my life.
To have Stephen Fry say I was a great writer made me grin for a week, okay so it still makes me grin. But to get that phone call saying “Mandie would you write a book for Pearson’s?” was the biggest, maddest, wildest dream of my life.
And now the press are loving the story and here is the first of the articles. There will be many more, and so far every journalist has wanted to talk about the book and my journey in a different way. I could tell you about how I nearly died and wanted to sue the pharmaceutical company when I didn’t die and woke up the next day, I could tell you how I won an award sat on the sofa or was named one of the UK’s magazine’s Woman’s Own Inspirational Women of Year, I could tell you about The Business Womans Network, MP’s and international speakers loving my work or taking mangos to the home office, but hey let’s see what articles and pictures they print in the coming weeks.
Thank you must also go to Voom Media and Vanessa Moon (https://www.facebook.com/VoomMedia) I used to do all my own PR until this year, when I saw the awesomeness of this company and now work side by side with Voom Media and we haven’t falling a step out. Me and The Business Womans Network are in the press just as much as ever!
Well with a book getting 5 star reviews, the best views in London for our book launch, and endorsements with top names in business and the news my publishers have just announced I’ve just made Vanessa’s job that bit easier too!
To buy your copy visit Amazon or http://www.mandieholgate.co.uk/books
Weird one right?
Even weirder when it’s the first thing you say to a business woman as she walks in to a networking event!
Let me explain…
I was at The Business Woman’s Network event and knew that a business woman that I knew would be there that sells a mascara that I adore. It’s one that layers up to look like false eye lashes. (not in a Towie way!) and I’ve been complimented on them many times, so I’m hooked.
The only issue is that I’m so busy with clients that I’m in a dangerous zone of not networking quite as much as I should and so I’ve not seen this business woman in ages. Well long enough for my mascara to be too old to use. (Unless I want to get some random eye infection that is!)
So when she walked in I was really pleased to see her. But with my business coach hat on that was what I asked her “Why won’t you scratch my itch?” you see she knew I loved her product, because this was not the first time I had brought this product from her and yet she had not been in touch with me at all to ask if I wanted it again. If someone has an itch in the middle of their back, you itch it right? And boy does it feel good. We like people that helps us right?
The only person I purchase from who seems to get this right is Di The Doggy Dinner Lady. Without fail I get a text. “Hi Mandie, how is your old boy doing for food? I’m coming over to Mersea on Monday, would you like another deliver?” And would you believe it we need a new order!
Is Di the doggy dinner lady psychic?
Or does she keep an eye on her sales so she can maximise on her sales potential?
So I explained my itch to my mascara business woman and how to make it easy to increase sales with people that already love you. And now you can have that for free too. (you know I love to share right?) Let’s go….
If you would like to know about the awesome Mascara I mentioned ask Lydia Adams;
And the Doggy Dinner Lady is Di Gilbranch;
You want the facts about what you get right?
A business coach who knows small business, knows no cost / low cost marketing, who knows what a busy busy schedule looks like and what not having time looks like too! That means I can create solutions that work for you.
A coach who knows how to motivate you into targeted action to get results. (After 1 session you will have an action plan that will get you focussed.) Fed up with doing a ton of things and nothing delivering? Then you will love this!
A coach who is there to support you between sessions – why is that so important? Say you’ve a big meeting, your wobbling on why your business is the one that they will chose or you’re having that dip in confidence that’s making you procrastinate and not pick up the phone, you can just get in touch with me and I will get you right back on track!
I will give you the tools, the methodology and innovative ideas to get your business noticed. My clients get known as thought leaders in their field and you can imagine what that does for business!
Fear taking your success away? I’ve helped countless business women overcome their business fears to go on to use things like public speaking and picking up the phone a powerful tool in their business.
I can help you see the wood for the trees. Ever sat there and thought I just can’t see what’s wrong? What am I doing wrong? Why am I not getting the results I want? I can help you have those Eureka Moments that get your success flying high.
Someone that is truly as passionate about your success as you are. (Just ask my clients!)
I’m not interested in taking sacks of cash off of you, I’m interested in helping you create a business that delivers to you!
So now is the time to pick up the phone and find out why I’m known as Tigger on Red Bull Powered by Duracell and that could all be aimed at your business.
07989 935 556