Not the best headline right?
But it got your attention no doubt!
The fact is we all have days where we actually say this kind of thing to ourselves.
We look in the mirror and we berate our appearance, we moan at our stomach’s, our thighs or our wrinkles. Now let me ask you this, “Is that likely to power up your day or rob you of your inner strength, belief and confidence?
And now with my business coach wanting more success for you hat on What does that do to your success rate? To your ability to pick up the phone and ask for the sale? To present and win that contract? To get out there and make it happen?
I say this because this week I shared with a vibrant, vivacious, professional business woman who during our session confessed to feeling like she was a “bit of a fraud” and so when the coaching session had finished, (I never interrupt a clients thoughts with my own, I only share after the session if they wish me to) I shared with her something rather personal.
I told her how I had just stood up in front of a room full of business women and I said I knew to those business women I’m a professional natural public speaker who oozes confidence. I know those business women see me that way because many come up to me after a public speaking engagement and say “I wish I could stand up there and be a natural like you.” I told this business woman how on this occasion I had to employ my own public speaking tricks to get me through it. This lady had been in the audience and she looked shocked. “Really?” she said. “You!” It shocked her that I could feel anything other than confident and successful. So I shared with her what I share with you now and it is personal, but I share so that you can see that it effects every single woman. From the Mum at the school gate and the Home Secretary to the business women about to present;
I have Lupus and its a balancing act to look after my health, the medicines and also ignore it all and get on with my wonderful life. My theory is I’m having far too much fun to pay attention to an illness. But it can be a bit tough when your hairs falling out, your face turns into a balloon and you struggle with a ton of rather un fun side effects from the drugs and Lupus. Most of the time I smile and say “Hey I’m not stuck in bed on Morphine, so its all good!” Well I was, so I know I’m not lying right? But the fact is sometimes, the physical differences Lupus has caused upset me. I miss looking in the mirror and liking my appearance. I’m not vain but it was hard to have my hair cut into a style I didn’t want just to disguise the hair loss. And when I stood on that stage in front of those women I had somehow lost my inner strength to not care, to rise above it. But here is the thing. I can bring it back, I can know and love me again in a second. I just have to create the right thought in my head and I’m back on track, as I was that day.
I suppose that is where I differ from so many awesome business women, in that I don’t allow a negative thought to hang around. I appreciate my brain is a powerful computer that I can reprogram so that it works in the way I want it to.
So fabulous business women (because lets be honest, you are!) here is my advice to you.
When you have to present or speak to an audience that could potentially deliver more business to you and thus it feels more important and you feel pressurised. Start with the end. Imagine yourself walking out of the room thinking “Woohoo, nailed it!” See yourself driving back down the road grinning from ear to ear singing along to the radio thinking “Got the contract!”
Practice. Okay so you know that right? But practice in front of a mirror, it will feel so odd, but right away you gain an audience. It will help you, trust me.
Now I could carry on sharing the tips for the public speaking, but the fact is THE most important tip I can share with you, is the one that you take into every aspect of your business, into every goal, ambition or obstacle and it is this;
Believe in you, trust you, like and love you and know that you are awesome. One of the biggest parts of my job as a coach to business women is helping business women appreciate just how chuffing amazing they are. When I’ve helped them appreciate how amazingly awesome they are we can quickly start achieving together because the biggest barrier has been broken.
So look in the mirror and say “Hey good looking, how shall we rule the world today?” give yourself a smile (there are physical reasons why you should do that too!) and get out there and make it happen. And when that negative thought sneaks in, kick it right back out again, because trust me, it will really impact on your success!
I hope sharing a personal story helps you and if you would like to power up your public speaking, how you deal with phone calls to get the results you want (and the meetings and the contracts) and if you would like to speak effectively everywhere, join me on Tuesday when I will be spending the whole morning with business men and women helping them do just that and more!
Learn more here – https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/powerful-communications-for-business-success-anywhere-tickets-9457133541 there are a couple of places left and it would be great to be working with you.
This post is dedicated to 2 truly beautiful and inspirational business women who I met this week, who both spoke about Glass ceilings. Personally I never speak of them as I won’t entertain phrases or words or ideas that I know could undermine my success. But we all think and feel differently so I understand the power those Glass Ceilings can have.
Here is my quick top tip guide to Smashing those Glass Ceilings and getting rid of them for good;
Firstly one business woman pointed out to me that she does not have the time to do all that she truly wants to. I say to this, work out what can be dropped. In an ideal world there would not be dust in the corner of the room, or pre packaged veg used served for tea. But no one looks back on their death bed and says “I wish I’d washed more floors” work out what can be dropped from your daily to do list. If you don’t do this, ask yourself this question “If I don’t remove some things from my daily to do list what am I agreeing to?” and a hint here, its less success.
Success needs space, so create some.
Glass ceilings get smashed when you clearly see every last detail of your big goal. From how many hours you work, to what you spend your money on, to how much money you put away in savings. A great goal puts cracks in your glass ceiling before you even get started. So visualise your ultimate goal in every detail.
Take small actions, to get there. As I say at the start of my 6 week online course”How do you eat a mountain of cheese?”
The same way you would eat anything….1 mouthful at a time, so break your goals down into bite size chunks and keep them that small. That glass ceiling gets reinforced and a lot tougher to break when you set yourself up to fail, so keep those chunks small.
When things get tough, and lets be honest we all have those times. Accept that something has to give. Ask yourself what are my true values here and my primary core goals that have to be maintained and then let the little things that aren’t important slip. Again ask yourself “If I don’t do this, what am I agreeing to?” and the answer is likely to be a bucket of added stress. Your glass ceiling just loves some added stress!
When things get tough accept that you need to refocus your attention and divert from your big goals. Your big goals still exist and you can still be working towards them, but it may be the case that you have to decide to direct your primary actions on other areas, allowing a small action towards your ultimate goal will stop you from feeling bitter, guilty and a ton of other negative emotions that will cause procrastination and make you suffer further. So ask yourself “What small action will I continue to take towards my ultimate goal as I deal with these pressing issues?”
Don’t worry about what other people are achieving. You are not on their path way to success, you are on yours. One woman’s version of success will be CEO of her own international corporation while another’s will be a Breakfast bar business that is part time. Both if they get their ulitmate goals are successful. So don’t let your glass ceiling get a layer of toughened glass by trying to be something that doesn’t match up to what are your core values and beliefs about a happy successful life.
When you really feel like you can’t achieve and that glass ceiling is crushing down on you. Write down everything you’ve ever achieved. Don’t say you haven’t because you have. You successfully got dressed, fed yourself, possibly others, been to work, drove a car.
There’s things you’ve achieved and I’m not even been near you today! So list them all. If you are being heavily critical of yourself, ask your friends, your colleagues, your loved ones, your social media friends. You will be surprised how many people you have motivated, inspired, supported and helped. So remember every success. Every last one. A few pictures of those occasions are very useful to. These will power you on to know that you’ve been through tough times before and a bad day does not define you.
Know, absolutely know, that no matter what happens today you are awesome. I can’t stress this enough. If you don’t go out everyday with a secret in your head (You don’t have to tell a single person!) that says I’m awesome, then why should anyone else believe it?
Your past, your experiences, your beliefs can all undermine that belief that you are awesome so look to all those times when you have truly rocked, when you achieved, when you came through adversity. And then lastly….
Keep people around you that will motivate, inspire and support you and remind you how awesomely saucesome you are! There will always be people that want to rain on your parade, outnumber them with the ones that believe in you and that will lead you to……
Smashing that glass ceiling in one of 2 ways;
Either with an all mighty big bang that smashes it to smithereens so that its disintegrated with nothing left. Its a big way to do it so ask yourself how you normally like to tackle things because the other way is…..
With little tiny taps, you will be able to slowly but surely break down the negativity and the issues that have created your glass ceiling so that it slowly cracks and those cracks will all join together until you find little chinks and a beautiful clear sky above.
I do hope that helps….Its just a starter, but just remember you’re awesome!
This morning I had a call from the media asking me to comment on women making it to the top. According to a UKIP MEP women that had babies lacked career ambition.
Sorry? He should perhaps tell that to Sheryl Sandberg, CEO of Facebook or the amazing business women that I know at The Business Woman’s Network or perhaps to my business women clients, whose passion, determination and voracious ambition for success always impresses me.
Maybe because of the nature of my work empowering and helping business women to succeed I don’t come into contact with women of that nature. Or maybe its just not true?
As I said to the media today the fact is there are many factors that stop business women from fulfilling their true potential and having been on think tanks for the government I understand it is not just a one solution fits all problem.
But I think it speaks volumes about opinions on women in business that this creates such a stir.
In business we are really starting to appreciate the value of having women on the board, of the variety and diversity it brings to the board room and benefits it brings to the profit margins and the success of the organisation.
Opinions are powerful things and we need to all get on board on ensuring that women getting to the top is not a topic of sexuality but one of good for business.
As I’m sure you can imagine I’ve a lot of view points on this, but I will leave you with this today. Have you ever heard a business man get asked “How’s your work life balance?”
Makes you think right?
Power up your success and believe in you, because wow when you do, the sky really is the limit!
Have you ever had one of those days were you wake up and you see that pair of socks that your child has been leaving at the door for many years, but today’s the day you see red.
Or your partner doesn’t shut the kitchen cupboard properly and instead of your normal reaction to just do it your self and say nothing, today’s the day, steam comes out of your ears,your face turns beetroot and the whole world says “Wow, what’s up with her?”
We all have those days, okay so some more than others. But even the calmest person can sometimes see red. And the impact that can have on your day can be pretty dire.
So how can you claw back the normal happy you?
How can you get rid of that frustrated, tearful ready to rip the head of a teddy mood?
First things first.
When you get stressed you breathe a lot shallower, so take 3 deep breaths. If the house is going crazy because of the roar mood you helped unleash on it, hide in the bathroom for 5 minutes. Wash your hands very slowly. Find a shelf to put the labels all round the right way, anything ideally as pointless and mind numbing as possible.
Become very aware that if you continue in this frame of mind, it could impact on your whole day. That meeting, the drive to work, the weeks shopping that needs doing, the trip to the bank. Whether fun things or chores fill your day, just imagine how negative you could feel about them if you allow this mood to continue. So the choice is yours. Stop it or allow it flow.
If you really can’t stop then give yourself half an hour before you tackle any important task to go for a walk or something that allow your mind to clear. What works for you? Knowing the answer to this when you are calm is ideal for that moment when you’re seeing red. When you see red its very hard to think clearly – another reason to ditch that mood!
Concentrate on a task that you would normally neglect. Giving your mind something new to work on can be enough to get your mind interested in a new direction and shift that big angry cloud from over your head.
Don’t listen to the person that says “Snap out of it” There is nothing faster to wind you up and make you disagree with someone than when someone tell s you what to do. So steer clear of those people. If you know thats the response you will get, don’t tell them how you are feeling.
Phone a friend you CAN talk to. Its an obvious one but sometimes just sharing how you are feeling is enough to feel listened to, acknowledged and that you can handle it. You may realise that things need to change because the red fog is happening more often, but it could just be a bad day. And we all have one of those. As I like to say if you didn’t have bad days how would you know what a good day looks like?
Get distracted, get proactive and know that with in your mind is the power to stop that bad filthy mood in an instant, it has to start with a wish in your head to achieve that.
That or you have to accept that seeing red will mess with your head, and can potentially wreck your day, now do you want that?