Why The Secret is not working for you
Can you really manifest anything you want?
If you’ve ever read about manifesting what you want in life (bear with me) or books like The secret you will know in principle you can bring anything into your life that you want.
Rhonda Bryne writes “Close your eyes and visualize having what you already want – and the feeling of having it already.” And “To change your life fast, use gratitude to shift your energy. When you put all of your energy into gratitude, you will see miracles take place in your life.”
Whether you believe in this or not can I share with you how The Secret, manifesting, mantras, the universe and the law of attraction really works?
The perfect example is a new client I’ve only been working with for a few months. On their second session they shared how they weren’t able to get what they want. They heavily believe in the book The Secret and this client was ranting about how they can’t get what they want and things aren’t working and then I asked them;
“So you’ve told me what’s not working, has anything good happened since we last saw each other?”
They then went on to tell me about various things but that nothing was the opportunity or achieving their goal that they’d hoped for.
I asked them “So you couldn’t even engage with those people you really wanted to work with?”
They said, “Well no, it failed.”
As we explored this further and I asked more questions I listened and wrote down what they told me to be completely overwhelmed with how blind they’d been!
I said to them “To clarify the goal from our last session was to raise awareness to your company with these target audiences, to contact these people and tell them about the products on offer and to look into how to motivate your team without micro managing everything, right?”
I added “And you tell me nothing has worked?”
So I asked “So if nothing has worked why are there all these comments from people on your Facebook page and Instagram account? You tell me you’ve failed but you’ve had 2 conversations with the very people you want to talk to and work with. Not necessarily the company you were aiming at but a bigger and better one, you tell me that you can’t get the result you want and yet this, this this and this have happened. Are none of these new results that you’ve never experienced before?”
Their face was a picture! I couldn’t physically have touched them since all coaching is virtual but that’s how they looked – like a wet cod had been slapped in their face!
“Wow, I got what I wanted didn’t I? So why could I not see that?”
That’s the thing about the universe, it will deliver but you kind of have to take the lead.
So if you want to use manifestation and The Secret route to success, you still have to do the thinking and the doing!
This client reminded me of the joke that sums up coaching, success and manifesting your dreams. I shared it with my client and they’ve become so much more adapt at noticing what is actually going on and not holding onto out dated beliefs from the past that served them so badly. And it goes like this….
A man clings to the roof of his house as huge floods surround everything. The water is rising and his scared. A boat flies past and swings back with the captain shouting “Oi mate, jump in, you aren’t safe there!”
To which the stranded man replies “Thank you, but god will save me.”
The mystified captain can’t convince him so speeds off to safety.
Then a helicopter flies over, spotting the man it circles back throwing down a ladder shouting “Mate, we can help you, climb up”
But the man waves his hands in protest and says “Thank you, but god will save me”….
This is where it gets sad….the man dies.
He gets up to heaven and there at the pearly gates is god with not the happiest of faces. The drowned man berates god with “Why didn’t you save me!?!”
God says “I sent you a boat and a helicopter, what more did you want?”
I love this story because this is the Secret in action. People get the awesome little signs that they need to follow this path but don’t so then feel like the universe is working against them, it’s not. The universe is your mind and your mind will do everything in it’s power to prove you right, keep you safe and help you get what you want.
So if you concentrate on your failings? You get more failing. Even when you succeed you won’t notice it because you are looking in the wrong direction!
I’ve sat in so many coaching sessions where I’ve bought a clients awareness to the golden nugget of opportunity in front of them that they couldn’t see.
Here’s how to ensure you don’t miss these golden nuggets that lead you to achieving your dreams.
- Be clear about what you want.
- Be clear on why you want it.
(You don’t need a war and peace report for this. If you are a free flowing kind of person then a vision board is great or a mind-map. If on the other hand you love structure and clearly defined plans then get as detailed as you like. The more information you can add to your goal the easier it is to spot golden nuggets of opportunity when they arise.)
Another reason you can’t spot the golden nugget manifestations is because you are easily distracted and pointed in a new direction. If you are talking to other people about your plans they are likely to make suggestions on what to do and what to invest in – remember these come from their beliefs, experiences and values and not yours. If this is you read this article http://www.mandieholgate.co.uk/the-shiny-thing-syndrome-the-sts/ to stop getting pointed in a new direction. Because every time you do go in a new direction you reduce your impact on achieving your dreams!
Be honest about reality. Remember everyone’s version of reality is unique to them. This can be a hard concept to grasp so to make it easier, imagine a party. 2 people walk out (highly likely to be me and my Hubby!) and one says “Wow that was awesome” (me) and the other walks out and says “er, it was alright I guess” You can guess who!
Same food, music, guests, room but 2 different experiences. My wonderful hubby is not a natural people person, doesn’t like small talk or meeting new people and would prefer to play DJ. Me on the other hand as you can imagine I love meeting new people, would dance to anything and love pretty much any food except cake, cooked carrots and mushy peas! (I know weird right?)
So when you feel like you aren’t getting anywhere be mindful who you talk to.
- What is going on in your head?
- Is it reality or are they old outdated thoughts that don’t match where you really are?
I see this a lot in the early days with clients, where things are shifting but they aren’t paying attention. So if you don’t pay attention you can’t do more of what works and you can’t steer clear of what doesn’t work!
The universe could be shouting at you “Do this!” but if you aren’t looking in the right direction you won’t get the clues!
On my confidential mastermind group someone said to me “How do I work out what I want next and how do I achieve it?
I posted 5 elements that I thought would be great to help you reach your dreams too.
1. Everyone is different. Some people would get bogged down in the scale of goals I set with some clients (5, 10 30 years!). Others like the big picture – in 30 years time stuff… either way you must come back to your goal plan very regularly to ensure you get there. For some they can do that all day every day, constantly checking they are on course, others will easily get distracted or convinced to go in a new direction so they need someone to be accountable to, keep them focused and constantly help them test and measure, understand results and make adjustments accordingly. That’s why the Insiders is so great because you can check in on your progress and your actions results. Especially essential if you can’t afford to work with a coach.
2. Who are you? If you look at what other Insiders are asking right now about how to build a new business you always have to come back to who are you? What do you want? What are your dreams? Don’t restrict yourself to time, money, skill, etc. Just think BIG BIG BIG, and in my view I’ve never seen anyone (even millionaires, and international speakers and authors) who are thinking big enough. We can all achieve more. Push yourself and again if you can’t afford a coach then the Insiders is a great place to stretch your goals to meet your dreams.
3. Values. Personally I do the values exercise (Fight the fear chapter 1) once every 2 to 3 months. It helps me see if things are adjusting. For instance, where my Hubby hasn’t worked since March my values have adjusted to bring money up from a 7 to a 4. I still have to honour my top 3 values – happiness, holiday time and helping others first but I’m now more aware of the lower down values. When achieving your dreams is on the agenda this is essential knowledge.
4. Goals. Then I look at what goals I have for this year (I work 2020/2021 – because it enables me to always be planning ahead and acknowledging where I’ve got to. It works well for some clients, others prefer year to year goals) and how they fit in to my long term goals. I like goals quite fluid because it keeps me open to new opportunities that are fizzing in the side-lines that fit well with my big goals. I know this works for me because I’ve become very intuitive and it’s works very well. I have seen so much growth in the last few years because of this. That doesn’t work for all people, so if you like structure 1. Values exercise. 2. Think big, write everything down long term short term you could do – this should take you at least an hour to do this justice. Ask questions like “And what would that give me?” and “What would that do for me?” “How would that make me happy/successful/helping others?” (Personal to you) then explore what would fit where. So, what is short term then what is long term? Then challenge yourself on what you wrote. Does it really do you justice?
5. A vision board is fun and gets your brain thinking. I’d do this after the values exercise and possibly after I explore what’s everything in the world I could ever want to achieve? I pour a G and T, grab my daughter, cover the table in magazines and coloured pens, glue and a big piece of paper and we go for it. Don’t concentrate on what comes out of the magazine, concentrate on the conversation. Put your favourite play list on and don’t think about what you cut out. Don’t stick it down until you’ve got everything you want. Then think about where you want to stick everything. This also helps with the process of understanding it, how to keep it visual and what to do next. I often find that I put the same elements in the same circular motion on a vision board and that is relevant too.
Remember that every human should do this process often – What do I want? Why do I want it? Etc. Etc…
So much overwhelm, working hard with no results, sad relationships, joyless lives, challenging times, procrastination, failure, etc is because we don’t make the time to understand the science of who we are and then look to honour it and what are dreams really mean to us.
So if you take the advice in this article and create a plan, a goal, a vision, a dream and a statement (mantra) that defines what you want to achieve, remember you are working on this even when you are asleep or doing something completely unrelated to your goal.
And remember the power of your mind is insane, if you lack confidence all the talk in the world to the universe or your subconscious to achieve great things will fall short, so head to my blog to read more on confidence or take my confidence course – on average it helps people to be more confident within 2 days!
Confidence, plus clearly defined goals and plans, honouring the science of who you are and bam there’s the universe delivering everything you ever wanted!
That’s why people think coaching is magic because;
New customers do magically appear out of the sky.
Teams naturally adapt to tough environments and change.
Businesses suddenly get offered amazing “out of the blue” contracts they’d never dreamed of.
Each one of these has happened to my coaching clients, each client has described it as like magic and each one didn’t rely on the universe or The Secret, they turned to coaching.
Coaching is manifesting in action.
If it still feels too hard or you get stuck, get in touch. I know how to grow people, teams and businesses and it would be an honour to help you too.
It usually costs a lot less than people think too so a conversation will cost you nothing and could get the universe manifesting some amazing things!