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World Kindness Day – lessons for business (and life.)

World Kindness Day was invented in 1998. 23 years to appreciate the importance of kindness;

  • How it helps us break down divides and differences.
  • How it helps us to appreciate the world from someone else’s point of view.
  • How it connects and nurture us, our friends and family, our communities, our networks at work and in life and even our online worlds.
  • How it can help us be better leaders, managers and parents
  • How it can lead to better solutions for businesses and societies.

And yet according to Advance HE “Racial discrimination in higher education continues to exist. Despite the events of the past year and heightened focus on structural and institutionalised racism, we see growing tensions arising from differing cultural, ethnic and other identities, both on campus and in wider society.” * (1)

According to research by Lenovo there is a kindness gap in UK society with 82% of UK citizens placing value on living in a kind and empathic society but only 37% believe they live in a city that is like this. (2)

Further evidence that kindness is not riding high comes from the annual Report Harmful Content that says online hate speech increased by 225% last year!

Every area of our lives has seen the negative impact of a lack of kindness. As a mental health ambassador, I’ve been working with charities and organisations to raise awareness on mental health and wellbeing for 17 years and we still have the same issues that if we had a greater level of kindness in the world we could help lessen and eradicate. So what can we do about this?

This world kindness day, don’t just share a post and think “I’m doing my bit.” Up your game;

Here are 6 powerful ways you can make the next year a kinder one both personally and professionally;

1.         We all know someone that annoys us. Instead of continuing with this they annoy me, it does this to me, it has this impact on me, I then respond like this, it negatively impacts on me like this…. response. Look to understand what about this person annoys you? (If you’ve read my books or attended any sessions with me you will know strategy is from the Negative spiral.)

Understanding our own “Hot buttons” and our own way of thinking, acting and responding can help us bridge the gap between ourselves and people we don’t get on with. We won’t necessarily change them, but we will be able to change our response and see the world differently. This is great in business; enabling very different thinkers to work together powerfully to a common goal.

2. I read a great quote in a book on philosophy that asked, “what is the purpose of arguing?” I love reading bout ancient philosophers (who still have so much to teach us since us humans still have brains and minds) I learnt that an argument is an opportunity to learn, and not what most people think.

Alas what Aristotle said wasn’t so simple as, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” He actually said;

““It is right that we ask [people] to accept each of the things which are said in the same way: for it is the mark of an educated person to search for the same kind of clarity in each topic to the extent that the nature of the matter accepts it. For it is similar to expect a mathematician to speak persuasively or for an orator to furnish clear proofs!

Each person judges well what they know and is thus a good critic of those things. For each thing in specific, someone must be educated [to be a critic]; to [be a critic in general] one must be educated about everything.”

Okay so not as snappy but it teaches us a lot. If we can understand others, we can be kinder in our response. I’ve had thousands of coaching conversations with individuals and teams where this approach has led to eureka moment, so consider your response. You can’t possibly know everything so it’s a good reminder that your mind, your knowledge, your beliefs and view of the world will not match everyone’s. Accepting and honouring that can make you a kinder person and better in business and life.

3. Be real. This is not for everyone, however in a world that is becoming so polarising and causing so many divides the more honest, transparent and real you can be the better. That doesn’t mean you’ve got shout in the office “I ate the last cookie and hate Monday meetings; you all talk too much!” but it does mean that you respond to the world in a more honest way.

Bella Hadid (3) the international Instagram model with over 47 million followers shared her own very personal images of her crying and upset, talking about her own mental health. While I think this is good in some respects. It has its limitations. After posting this Bella probably has the funds to access confidential help and do what she needs to do to be mentally well and strong. Many don’t have this option and will have to battle on through because bills need to be paid and they don’t have millions of followers to say you can do it or the confidence to say what is really going on.

When I shared my frustration that a recovery company left me after being robbed in a city centre in the middle of the night for 2.5 hours most of the comments were constructive. (4) I’d aimed to highlight that to stay safe sometimes those that we trust aren’t doing what they should (I think I’ll probably move away from this organisation and not trust it to look after my children should they break down either) and I wanted to highlight this to my friends online and hopefully get the recovery agency to attend faster! I wasn’t expecting someone to accuse me of being a victim and looking for attention or being someone that fails to motivate and inspire people no matter what they face to achieve in life.

If you follow me on social media, you will know that my husband and I have faced a lot this year. As one of my mastermind groups and a lawyer put it “You’ve been through a fair bit this year.” Let’s just say so as not to bore you that if we wrote the last 18 months into an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, they’d write it out straight away for being too unrealistic!

The Most Heartbreaking Moments on Grey's Anatomy so Far

I was just incredibly unlucky to have my car singled out from a line of cars and be robbed. I wasn’t expecting an attack on social media afterwards. I asked my mastermind group if I was boring people, over sharing and not as I have aimed through out the last year to showcase, we can overcome everything. That with the right mindset no matter what we face we can be happy, lessen our stress levels and still achieve great things.

As I said to my mastermind group, it is one thing after the trauma, accident, brain tumour, tsunami, mental health breakdown, obstacle to stand on a stage and inspire others when you have the evidence to say it all worked out fine, it is quite another level of resilience, determination, strategy and mindset to deliver this in the midst of the hell.

On reflection would I share again?
Yes, because I’m honest and real. If I cock up, I will be honest and look to learn, if you create a world that says yes to you and reinforces what you believe, then how can you grow and improve?

How will you know what works and what doesn’t?

To be kind consider the part you play in the global attitude to social media.

Do you make assumptions or share in a way that inspires motivates and supports others?

There’s a big difference between moaning and honesty and I think the line can be very blurred sometimes. Step back and ask how do I wish to be represented online? What is my message? My brand? It doesn’t matter who you are – student, retired teacher, business owner, leader or speaker. What are you projecting to the world?

And if your life is all perfection online ask yourself how you are impacting on others?

4. “I’m fine” a statement made so often. When I spoke to my husband’s oncologist about support, they advised that it is very common to see that cancer patients are alone in the world. In the early months patients are inundated with support both practical and emotional, but as the time passes people fade away. It gets harder for the patient and their community to connect and be kind to one another as their worlds are so different. The offers of traybakes and trips to the hospital diminish and the “How are you really?” conversations dry up as people move on with their lives.

A big way you can be kind is to ask if you are hearing what you want to hear or what they are saying? We often hear what we want to hear so that we can continue down the path we are taking. When I was working with a business team, the leader chose to hear that everyone was fine because that was what they had been told, however the profits, the absenteeism, the lack of growth and the length of meetings and inboxes told a different story. Choosing to hear what people were really thinking (but not confident to share) meant the company, the team and every individual felt honoured. And of course, happier too.

So, what do you really hear?

5. Helping others is a proven way to support yourself and make this world a better place. According to an AmeriCorps report, people who volunteer 100+ hours a year are some of the healthiest people in the U.S.

Studies have shown that helping others can;

  • reduce loneliness and stress.
  • make you happy.
  • make you feel connected to the world.
  • help you learn new skills and new knowledge.
  • gain a greater understanding of the world.
  • build communities.
  • reduce social and racial tension.
  • boost your self esteem.
  • improve your career prospects and earning potential.
  • increase your brain function.
  • AND make the world a better place.

I often talk in leadership and team coaching sessions about how the chemicals are bodies can create can be actively produced if we do the right things. It has been viewed as fluffy and emotional when I talk in corporate settings about the softer side of being human, but there’s nothing soft or fluffy about understanding what you think can actively change your performance, happiness, health and even how much money you make!

In my talk on controlling the uncontrollable that I’ve delivered for many organisations and businesses to help them migrate to 4 days weeks and navigate through the fast paced changes our personal and professional lives have to travel through, this slide has proven a big talking point;

To view the full slide show/article click here

How are you looking to set off positive chemical responses in others?

(These are obviously just a few examples, and none are essential!) however it does highlight how it is not rocket science to find ways to be kind and leads us nicely onto…

6. You. To be kind in this world, you have to start with you. If you’ve heard me speak, you know I ask you to tell me where you fit on the Importance ladder?

  • Down at the bottom, doing everyone’ bidding feeling completely downtrodden broken and unable to cope?
  • Or just as valuable and as important as everyone else acknowledging and honouring your own needs?

This not only supports you to do more for others it also ensures you are a great role model for those around you. Despite the endless hospital appointments, calls and surgeries I can hand on heart say that I’ve prioritised my needs as much as I have anyone else’s. And this has ensured that despite every challenge and obstacle I’ve not missed a single speaking gig, coaching session or training day and my business continues to grow.

Kindness, pays, so 23 years after International Kindness Day started isn’t it time, we all considered how powerful it could be and do something about it?

If you have enjoyed this article and aim to do something about it, then I’d love to hear more. You can connect on social media, email me or even pick up the phone!

Social media links are at the stop of the homepage.

Tel +44 (0) 798 935 556

Email – mandie@mandieholgate.co.uk

(1) https://www.advance-he.ac.uk/programmes-events/events/race-equality-colloquium-2022

(2) https://news.lenovo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/New-Realities-Empathy-And-Technology-Report.pdf

(3) https://www.instagram.com/bellahadid

(4) shorturl.at/moIY4

  • November 13, 2021

Results Day – What you need to know

Every year we see students excitedly opening their results on our TV Screens, some with joy, some with devastation. Whatever your views I think we can all agree that this has got to be one of the weirdest hardest things our young generation faces. I’m not sure how I would have coped knowing that all those years of study, hard work and dedication had been robbed of me? So for everyone getting their A – Level, Degree and GCSE’s results, especially my daughter….

Dear Sophie and every student of 2020,

Things I wished I’d known;

  • I’ve got 11 GCSE’s grades A to C with one mortifying D – no one cares. I couldn’t even tell you were my grade papers are. In fact no one has ever asked to see my coaching diploma either!
  • I’ve got 3 average A levels – no A’s – no one cares. (See below for the English grade – shocking!)
  • I wish someone had told me that what I think about myself, how much confidence I have, how I communicate and what I believe to be true would be far more important than any letter on a piece of paper.
  • Things that feel hellish and awful now rarely feel like that in years to come, in fact you are likely to look back on them and laugh and ask “Why did I stress so much?”
  • Failing is good for you. I never told anyone I got a D for years. I was so upset. I’d failed. I was not good enough. One letter in my head was a definition of the young woman I was, how wrong I was. People don’t go on to do amazing things because life is good. We wouldn’t have Penicillin had it not be for someone being lazy and not bothering to clean out his Petri dishes before his holiday – naughty Nobel prize winner Fleming.

We don’t look to change and improve because life is great, we look to change because something is bad or wrong. I think we can safely say that this year has had plenty of bad to it, you will be the most resilient, determined can do attitude generation ever to have lived. Remember great inventions happen because of disasters (air bag inventor John Hentrick wouldn’t have saved thousands possibly millions of lives had he not have ended up in a ditch saving his daughter’s life because he reached out at just the right moment.)

Traffic lights, wind up radios, rubber sole shoes all came out of disaster as people looked to find a better way. That is not defined on a piece of paper. What you will need to be successful in life is;

  • Tenacity
  • Determination.
  • Self belief.
  • Confidence.
  • Faith.
  • Vision.

Believe you can and no matter how many times you get knocked back you will up and do it all again;

  • Dyson had 5126 versions before the one that worked and helped him become the multi-billion dollar company he is today.
  • Richard Branson left school at 16 – I think we can agree he did okay.
  • Lord Sugar only has 2 GCSE, he is worth well over a billion.

I could go on telling you about media moguls, billionaires, authors and celebrities who failed shockingly in their studying days and still achieved amazing things. So hold on to that fact.

You did the best you could with who you were back then. You are already more today. Cool right?

And remember when you open that email/envelope only you can decide how you define what you read.

And no matter what happens you have the proof that you can achieve – you aren’t still crawling around in a nappy saying Da, Dad, Ma, Ma are you? So clearly you can learn, you can achieve more and be more – that is not a young person thing, that is a all humans thing. (Well those that want to do well in life).

And lastly Sophie and everyone opening those emails today – this is just the start, exciting right?

Oh, and that English grade? GCSE – B (I think) and A level (C) yes a shocking C!

It didn’t stop the UK’s top nonfiction publisher from phoning me and asking me to write Fight the fear for them.  They’d read my blog and loved the way I wrote – so Ha, Mrs Grimstone turns out you were wrong and I can write, so much so that my latest book has a foreword from not one globally recognised expert but two! Who both think I’m awesome and know what I’m talking about.  The fact is that a grade is not going to define you, you are.

Choose wisely, think big, and know you can do it.

 

  • August 13, 2020

Book leads to speaking engagements for WH Smiths HO!

I’m honoured to speak for anyone that asks me and will always deliver something unique to that audience. Fight the fear WH SMiths book of the monthEven if it is a subject I’ve covered a thousands times I will always write something fresh for that audience. And only in that audience will be those delegates so you are guaranteed every event has its unique moment, because its very important to me that you and your delegates get to ask questions and get personalised solutions.

So it’s with great pleasure I announce that after being their first book of 2017 “Book of the month” I will be speaking for WH Smiths’ at their High Street Head Office and their Travel Head Office in May. It’s Learning at work week (LAWW) and I’m delivering two sessions. Orignially it was going to be one, however as is often the case they took a look at the topics I could cover and wanted more than one, and I’m happy to oblige! 

Session 1

Fight the Fears that impact on your success

Not all fears wake you at 1 in the morning in a pool of sweat. Some fears hide out in our personal and professional lives for years untouched and undiscovered damaging your success.

International Speakers and Authors have said that this is an “absolute must read” book for not only highlighting the fears but for giving you the tools and techniques to fight them and get rid of the obstacles to your success.

In this interactive sessions Mandie will hear from you. What are the fears that plague you? Do you fear asking for help? Taking time off? Public speaking? Setting goals? Speaking up? Do you lack confidence or worry that people will find out who you really are? What ever your fears (you might not even know what they are!) get personalised solutions in this 90 minute session aimed at you and your success.

Session 2

Creative thinking, writing and your success.

Despite serious illness Mandie Holgate was asked to write a book by one of the UK’s leading nonfiction publishers. Learn how that happened. How Mandie uses her writing to gain new opportunities, win awards and get in the press. Learn how to think creatively and why it’s good for your personal and professional success. Whether you love creativity or loath it, learn tools and techniques to enable you to think more powerfully and work in a way that powers up your brain. Learn what stops the process and ask any questions you like. In this interactive session it’s less about Mandie’s’ journey its more about making yours the best one possible.

  • April 25, 2017