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Yawn…New year resolutions – Should I? Could I? Will I fail or succeed?

Every year my inbox is full of questions around new year’s resolutions;

  • Mandie should I set them?
  • How do I stop myself from failing my New Year Resolutions?
  • Is it a good idea to set new years goals? Does it make your more likely to succeed?
  • What do I need to do to ensure I achieve my new year goals?
  • How am I going to keep motivated?

And on top of these enquiries, many of my January clients will turn up with a list of things that they want to work with me on over the coming year. Thus I know it’s a hot topic for so many people, and having achieved my goals year on year, and helped thousands to do the same here’s my quick and easy guide to New years resolutions;

  1. Don’t set them.

Okay maybe I should elaborate on that. So here’s my REAL quick and easy guide to achieving your goals.

1.Time is a creation of humans. Animals don’t set goals, they look at the weather But as humans we are so scared of losing out that we daren’t be off line that longand notice the changing seasons and to survive and thrive they adjust. The rabbit’s fur sheds and gets thick as it picks up the signs a harsh winter is coming. The squirrel and Jay start hiding acorns in every plant pot in the garden knowing food will be in short supply soon. All things we could learn to do, okay so don’t pop around and start planting things in my garden please, but the point is, we allow ourselves to be governed by external forces and time is a powerful one.

I set my goals in August and September. Why? Because that time of year I tend to work the least and I’m likely to have a 24-day holiday – no work, no planning, no phone, no emotional intelligence work – nothing. Family, reading, painting, swimming, cycling, etc etc. I have learnt that true brain space enables so many awesome ideas to appear (and awesome opportunities seem to “magically” appear”.) But as humans we are so scared of losing out that we daren’t be off line that long. Trust me, you can and should. (With the right support and actions before!)

August breaks down into a month of reading what I fancy and not what I think will help my clients or my own emotional intelligence, professional or personal development. It’s amazing how many awesome ideas have naturally arrived like this that have inspired thousands of my audiences and clients ever since.

By the time September arrives my brain is so calm and in such a great place to be that I find that I’ve started to write a list of ideas and thoughts, and plans. Nothing is finalised. Nothing is false. Nothing is decided. I just write. Nothing is finalised. Nothing is false. Nothing is decided. I just write. Explore and think. That way in September I can use the same tools I use with my clients to work out the best possible goals for the following 12 months using all of my ideas and possible actions I created naturally.

2.And lastly why August?

Christmas is a bad time to set goals. It’s a false, Disney Land, Heroes, Magical, Faith, abundance, indulgence and belief time. No matter how bad Christmas was (Or has been in the past) at some stage in the past Christmas has held magic for you;

  • The bike you wished and wished and wished for magically arriving from the man down the chimney.
  • The lights of a low flying plane that you excitedly woke your parents up at 3 in the morning to say “I’ve seen Santa!” and being unable to sleep for sheer happiness, joy and excitement.
  • The year you had that blazing row and everyone was falsely happy when all they wanted to do was watch TV.
  • TV – Oh how we love our films, but even in Die Hard it ends well for the good guys. TV is packed with feel good TV that makes our hearts melt and helps us believe anything is possible. What’s wrong with that you say? tv impacting on your success and happinessWell nothing, as long as you don’t assume that someone else’s journey through hell is how your journey will end too. Or that someone else’s dream results will magically be yours because you believe. Don’t get me wrong, faith is critical for success and the ability to bounce back and deal with adversity is possibly the single biggest thing you need (other than powerful communication) to succeed in life. But they are not enough.

Add the feel good factor, the mountain of food, the time with those you love, doing what you want and the wrapped up walks, your view of the world can get a little out of perspective in the holidays. I often hear clients say “Why can’t I be that happy all of the time!” And then we discover that before we start building empires or climbing career ladders what they really want is happiness.

And that my friend is accessible today, no matter what life looks like. Get back to the 9 to 5. School runs. Commuters hell. Bills. Chores and daily life and suddenly you can feel like you’ve never had a holiday!

ACTION; Compare how you felt on the 24th of December to say the 5th of January or the 21st of January? All the same? If not then now is definitely not the time to set goals.

3.Too many people – lastly January is not a good time to set goals because there are too many people about. Parties, long meals, games, gatherings and TV – mean we are a wash with so many people’s ideas and views. If you are looking to achieve big or overcome adversity the answers will never start with other people.If you are looking to achieve big or overcome adversity the answers will never start with other people.

A perfect example occurred only yesterday when I went for a walk on the beach and phoned to see if my nephews would like to join me. My sister said “The car says it’s 2 degrees out there and the weather man said it’s ‘going to be bitterly’” Luckily for me I don’t watch the news a lot (Have a listen of the terminology weather men use. They now add emotion to weather.

Can rain be grim? Or is it a view of it?

Can it be miserable out there? Or can it be wet/dark/windy?

Be aware of what you hear and if it has any impact on you.

My sister was allowing a car and a weatherman to dictate if she should walk on the beach! As it was I saw the most stunning huge red/pink sunset over the water and I was of only 2 people that got to enjoy it! Okay me and my dog had coats on that would keep us warm on an Arctic adventure but it was a beautiful walk. One I will treasure for life.

I could have missed that if I’d let other people’s views impact on my actions. Okay that’s a pretty tame example, however I hear this kind of external comment from clients all of the time. And it is only by working with their coach they are able to see how limiting other people can become in your own head. Christmas is a time traditionally of little brain space  and a lot of talk. So do question if you are being manipulated by other people?

Which leads us on to…

4.Wherever you go, wherever you are right now someone is attempting to control you. Scary right. Don’t panic, it’s not aliens or a government plan to inject you wit Nano technology, however words and opinions are everywhere. Marketing is worth billions to economies around the world. It enables people to be manipulated, encouraged, inspired (you choose the word) into buying everything and anything – watches, log burners, phones, vegan food, cars, clothes, holidays. Everything! World economies rely on the population buying what they see.

And while we all know this, it can mean that we find ourselves working towards goals that aren’t even ours. While maybe you don’t want a giant behemoth 4 x 4, it’s highly likely elements of the lifestyle the advertisers created you felt something for.

ACTION; Think of the adverts that pop up that you notice. Is there a reoccurring theme? An emotion they create?

It’s not a bad thing to note, however be aware of why you notice it and how it makes you feel.Mandie holgate goals success adversity change success (These can be good indicators to some of the drivers in your mind – and they are always great to know.) So question your desires, your goals, your resolutions, your ambitions. We all know the stats on gym membership, with research saying that those starting a fitness regime over 50% will quit within 6 months, so look behind the ads, and below the belly and really understand your motivation for wanting to do it.

Like any goal it has to be from the inside, with the right powerful motivators, drivers, beliefs and plans of action. And I’ve rarely seen them created after a blow out Christmas, so whether it’s a healthier body, bank account or social life – know what drove you to the goal/resolution.

So lastly a bit of honestly. If I set my goals in August/September how am I doing?

Before I tell you how I’m doing I will share a brief sneak into how I set my goals/resolutions. And that is to;

  1. Dismiss nothing. Write everything down.
  2. (Do your emotional intelligence stuff – of all the work I do on myself this will never cease at the level of intensity I do because I know how powerful it is for my success, however there is too much to include here and I’m happy to write more if you would like this, just message me.)
  3. Prioritise the top goals and why.
  4. Create a stupidly long list of ideas on how to achieve them. Then with the same tools I use with my clients, plan the first 3 to 5 actions, then the next 3 to 5 actions, etc etc. Allow breathing room. Then I do this for the years plan and yes I diary space too!
  5. Create a sentence that takes items 1 to 4 and simplifies them into one sentence to remind me of what I wish to achieve, why, how, when, where, with whom and how will I know I’m there.
  6. Create just 1 word for each goal that resonates so powerfully from item 5 that you never lose your way. NO matter what life throws at you, no matter what adversity, you have this internal magnetised focus to achieve it with just 1 word!

I will share a couple of my goal words as examples (I won’t share my goals, actions, strategies, plans, tools etc – that’s half a dozen blogs in itself!) but just so you can get the idea;

Walk                     Breath                  Read

These may seem like 3 words to you, however for me they are months of planning, action and already some results that even I think “Wow, that’s just awesome!”

Keeping your goals simple works for so many reasons, not least because life can get in the way. For me I’ve realised that my year doesn’t run January to December, my year runs September to August. In this way I’m on my own agenda, removing so many of the elements that stop us from achieving. It could be that you discover that you need to reinvent your year so that you can optimise the results you get too.

Do let me know your thoughts and if you are on my confidential mastermind group or are a client share how I can help further and I promise to do all I can. I often hear people say things like;

  • This is my year!
  • 2019 is going to be awesome.
  • I deserve great things this year, I’ve worked so hard.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that because you deserve it or because 2018 was awful that this year will be any different unless you take some serious action!

  • January 6, 2019

Mandie’s New Years Solution….

I’m often asked if I set goals and in January I’m inundated with questions about new year resolutions.

Should I set them? Shouldn’t I?

What should they look like? How should I word them? Do I need to create micro actions? Do I have to get up early? Do I have to rewrite my life?

I think that part of this can be impacted on by the fact that whereas years ago in the workplace we’d have 5 minutes chat on the way to the coffee machine now we know what people are thinking, planning and coveting 24/7 thanks to our interconnected world. Thus we can’t help but compare and contrast ourselves to others.

Great in some ways, a killer to happiness and success in others.

So with January rattling on, what do I tell people about New Years Resolutions?

It’s down to the individual. And while some can make it work, for the majority it sets up 2018 with shortcut to failure. While some have the character that means they create the passion and will achieve it no matter what, and others can create a positive addiction to a result. Many have doubts and fears about capabilities, results and even confidence can take a death defying jump off a cliff. So personally I would never set a goal according to a date. It’s ludicrous. 

However, I do perform certain actions towards the end of the year. You see weirdly for me and my partner we have never seen the year as January to December (there are currently over 40 calendars in the world. With our knack for altering our year and our months going back through civilisations – any chance to make it easier to achieve right?) For me and my Hubby we have always seen the start of the new year as September, when we return from our holidays. Refreshed. Relaxed. Brain recharged. Body ready for anything. And lots of ideas and plans naturally make their way to the forefront of our minds. In this way, we find we “naturally” get stuff done in the Autumn and into the new year, without a lot of big pressure or preplanning. All that was naturally done over a glass of local wine in the South of France on a beach!

So the end of the calendar year is a great chance to reassess things;

What is working?

What do I need to change to get the results we/I want/need?

How are my actions impacting on our long-term goals?

What needs to change?

These are just some of the questions we answer to check against our desired goals in business and life. January then is my first marker to how I’m getting on. And I ask additional questions such as;

Do I feel the same level of passion for what I do?

Do I need to change what I do or how I do it?

Are my goals still stretching me?

Are comfort zones developing?

What fears are lurking that could impact on my growth?

Do I need to set new or additional actions?

Do I need to set new or additional goals?

This process often throws up little actions that can tune up the goal engine that gets me to where I want to go. It stops me from stagnating, it ensures I challenge myself and always look the right distance into the future. And for me rather importantly it ensures I stay positive. Being self-employed is epic, however, working in an office with a dog at your feet and only seeing clients via a computer screen may make lots of clients happy and successful and the bank account healthy, yet it does little for a healthy mind, so one of my personal goals that I’m happy to share with you is that I will be networking more in 2018. Not only is it great fun, delivers new opportunities and clients, for me personally most importantly it protects my mental well being.

You see a big reason we fail in our goals and new year resolutions is we just don’t work with what we’ve got. We look around at everyone else and think “I should be in the gym” “I should crave world domination” “I should want to be on TV”, etc, etc, etc and this means we stop listening to the values and passions that mattter to us and if you really want success and to achieve in 2018, start by asking these questions. Honestly and openly, what do you really want?

Now let’s get on with achieving it. Exciting isn’t it!

  • January 4, 2018