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Social Media a Force For Your Success Or Your Demise – Take Control!

If you do not control social media, then social media will control you!
And if you take just 2 minutes to read this article you will see why that could be so important to your ability to achieve your goals, grow your business, have the career you want and even the social life you crave!
If you scroll down your feed and it doesn’t inspire you, motivate you and make you feel connected and part of a big community that care about you – then you need to change your social media network.
 social media for business
This image is a worksheet I created for a client because increasingly I hear;
  •  I can’t stand social media.
  •  It’s all so fake.
  • I can’t compete with them!
  • I can’t get any business from social media it’s a waste of my time.
  • I feel inadequate.
  • I spend too much time on social media achieving nothing.
  • You can’t have real conversations on Social media.
  • I feel like there is nothing I can do to change the world that we live in – we are all doomed!
Even if you don’t feel this bad, your social media world constantly impacts on you, trying to dictate when you reply to people, how you reply, what you say and how you interact.
Just like in life if you don’t control the quality of your conversations then that can directly damage the quality of your thoughts, your feelings and then your actions and results.
So if you want to get more out of the day, your week and your life, social media should support your success – not damage it.
This has already been utilised with 3 clients this year too. So if you are feeling like social media is not good for you – you are not alone!
If you would like a copy that you can download you can join my online mastermind group the Insiders – it is only £5 a month and that means as you work through my worksheets, homework and ideas you can feedback and additional support 24/7. We delete no content.

Join here

  • January 29, 2020

The surrealist day of my career and how it could help you be more successful.

You look around the room and can’t quite work out what emotion it is you are supposed to be feeling. It’s all a bit surreal.

  • There’s a magician performing up close magic on a space man.
  • Mary Poppins is having a chat with one of the top digital media experts in the country.
  • Usually instead of women making up the minority in a room, there’s 45 women, 5 men and 1 baby….oh and the Spaceman.
  • There’s a skull branded in Sweden’s flag’s colours.
  • And a woman has dyed her hair the colour of your business. (That’s loyalty!)
  • There’s radio presenter who fell in your hot tub live on air (no we aren’t friends outside of work) there to interview you.
  • And surrealists of all your face is next to the Queen, Boudica, Michelle Obama and other great women throughout time. Where do you cut on that cake!

It’s possibly one of the surrealist’s days in my career.

And if 15 years ago someone had said;

“Mandie you will have the confidence to speak to 200+ business owners” – I would have laughed. “Me? Never I can’t even sit in a coffee shop on my own! Let alone publicly speak” (Yes I used to lack confidence, was mega shy and hated public speaking.)


“Mandie you will be an international author with clients on every continent, have so many awards you can’t keep up with them all, feature on national TV and even visit 10 Downing Street for your work” I’d have added “For what? I’m no one special.” I honestly never thought I’d achieve anything much. Things just kind of landed at my feet and I’d run with them. So looking around that room I did think “How?”

How did that nervous, shy, un-confident, scared little mouse do all that!

I want to share some of the how and I look forward to hearing what it helps you achieve;

Dump the false version of you

Mandie from 15 years ago that struggled to walk into a networking event believed;

  • She had to wear a suit because she thought it would make her confident – it didn’t.
  • She thought she needed to know more than she did – she didn’t.
  • She thought she’d be able to tell people about the life changing results of coaching and they’d buy it straight away – they didn’t!

So dump the false version of you and the things that aren’t working. Be honest and get help.

Next find your natural skills – yes you have plenty.

My career started in insurance and swiftly moved into the car industry. Looking after customers whose week has been wrecked because their car has been in a car accident. And how are they going to get anywhere with no car? We were in rural Suffolk so to see a bus was a novelty and no car, meant no shopping, no getting the kids to school, no work – life stopped. You can imagine how it could feel?

We were dealing with heavily stressed people every day. Car parts were the other side of the world instead of on my customers car and even when the sun was shining, and no cars were falling off the roads into ditches (No accidents equalled no work but still 25 salaries to pay!) I could still fill a garage with enough work for 25 employees. I’d (stupidly) assumed that if I could do that in the car industry I’d easily migrate those skills to my coaching practice.

How wrong could I have been?

But different to many who find themselves in that situation – I didn’t keep doing the same things.

Within a year of setting up my business I was making money;

  • I’d set up The BWN,
  • I’d featured in the press countless times.
  • Been on the radio so many times I thought I could get on the BBC’s pay roll.
  • And I’d even come to the attention of the Home office (for good reasons) for my work with women in business.

And the first thing that changed was my confidence.

I always say you can have the best products and services in the world. The best marketing strategy, the most gorgeous perfect brand, and the best team but if you lack confidence personally you will still damage your results. Scary right?

  • I went on every course I could to learn.
  • I read every book I could squeeze in around a dog, 2 kids, 2 businesses and a busy life.
  • I became a proverbial knowledge sponge and realised that it would always be a good action for success.

Which means for you;

Build your confidence – Yes, I worked with a coach. Yes, I found a mentor and yes, I made sure I networked with the right people – that is so critical for lasting success and research agrees with me (Or vice a versa) that especially for women to reach the top you have got to get out there – network and work that network too – that means asking for business and asking the right questions. Back to needing confidence right

Never stop learning. I met someone this week who told me they’d learnt all they needed to be the best version of them they could be. I hadn’t meant to (I’d meant to just think it!) but I’d spurted out “Seriously? In your 40’s you feel you can learn nothing more about yourself or need to do anything else to stay the best version of you?”

I couldn’t help myself, but I added “I’m in my 40’s too and the more I know the more I feel I need to learn.”

Learning about yourself is not something done once and forgot about – is there anything in life that is?

The more you build your emotional intelligence and understand the science of being you the more success you will have. The more resilience you will have and your ability to cope with anything (without being a stressed out trapped on a hamster wheel burnt out husk of a human) will soar.

Don’t fight it – let it flow.

I still have to use my own coaching strategies on myself to ensure this doesn’t get to me. Because I’m a doer.

If something is not working.

I fix it.

I look for solutions.

I bore easily and so if it is not working I want answers fast. (And yes, I’m inpatient too!) So it’s been hard for me to learn that while you need to build a brand, reputation and get the sales in I also need to accept that what is best for me and my business is coming. I can experience stress if things aren’t happening fast enough. The perfect example is that time and time again while sat on the sofa watching a box set an opportunity has landed on my lap that has added a whole new arm to my business – “Do you offer training for the NHS Mandie?” I didn’t but I do now!

How did that happen? – they just phoned me out of the blue. (They’d met me somewhere (they thought) or heard about me somewhere. See the importance of awesome evergreen marketing? (Evergreen means it’s always working for you and always visible). You can see how you need to get your marketing working well and talking powerfully to the right people right?

“Hi Mandie do you offer corporate away day coaching for large groups?” Well I didn’t, but I do now! Again think about who I was talking to and what I was saying and in what context that it resonated so strongly that they got in touch in the first place. How does your brand and communications need to alter accordingly?

Both of these (and so many more just landed in my lap when I was least expecting them. Okay so I do have a set of goals every year and they say things like:

  • Grow the speaking area of business to £X by September
  • Get paid to write
  • Get paid to deliver online training by July.

And I do create;

  • A plan of action.
  • Back burner ideas
  • What to be aware of.
  • Know the timeline to results.

As I would with clients – but I still have to sit back and say “It’s going to happen Mand, get back to your boxset/life/day.

Say no

In the automotive industry I loved the high octane, 50 phone calls an hour, so many faxes (do you remember those?) that they scrolled across the office floor. Floods, Storms, Blizzards – we were there. Even heavily pregnant I still logistically ensured we collected over 100 cars in less than 18 hours with only 3 recovery vehicles from across 3 counties when the worst storms to hit Europe in over a decade caused chaos and cost people their lives (I even found time to increase the insurance to cover the insane value of the vehicles on premises that night!) however I learnt the hard way that I’m not a god, a super hero or a robot. And by saying yes to everyone and everything it was taking its toll. Learning to become a person that says no to what is not right for me, my family or friends, my goals, my business or even my health has had a positive dramatic effect on every aspectf of my life. And that needs…

To know when to listen and when to ignore.

Years ago I was told by someone that I couldn’t be a successful business woman because I was too happy. That comment haunted me for ages and really impacted on my business as I tried to mould myself into their definition of success. It’s all very well to know what you want but you have to learn to ignore people to get it….and know when to listen to people. This mission statement I still live by to this day and I frequently ask clients, BWN business men and women and even the coordinators if we are still getting it right.Mission statement for the bwn networking founder mandie holgate Know when to trust that gut instinct of yours (there’s a lot of science behind what is actually there, and it’s not just guess work!) trust it.

And know when to make changes.

Utlimately my success is only down to the quality of the people I hang out with so I finish by saying check your network helps you do everyting I suggest in this article. And if they don’t you can guess what I suggest you do!


  • April 2, 2019

To Add Or Not To Add That Is The Question

I get asked this question a lot by business owners; if I should be adding people automatically to my database. Especially since I tell people that your aim is to grow your data base and turn those lovely contacts into happy customers using the Marketing Production Line. Down load your copy of this here – How to get more customers and increase sales

So if you are networking or attending an expo, what’s the big deal of adding all of those lovely contact details on that shiny business cards mountain in your office to your data base? Here is one such enquiry I recently received:

I’m new to networking and not sure if there’s an etiquette involved.

I received an email with the subject line “Lovely to meet you”. The email, among a few other things, informed me, I had been added to their list and would be contacted 1-2 times a week.

I was surprised, as I didn’t “meet” this person at the event, or even speak with them, and didn’t give them my details to add to a list (which I didn’t think was allowed generally anyway).

I just wanted to check as I wasn’t sure if that is just how networking is, as clearly I can just unsubscribe, but this was all unsolicited and I was a bit undecided what I thought about that.

If it’s all just part of the networking scene, I’m just a bit of a newbie! But I’m not sure I would send people emails claiming to have met them and sending them stuff they hadn’t asked for. But that may just be me, which is why I wanted to check!

Okay so let’s look at the pro’s and con’s of this approach.

Firstly the pros from the viewpoint of the proactive business owner sending the email;

  • It is said that if you send something to the people you meet within 24 hours you are still “Hot” in their thoughts and so more likely to take action. The longer you leave it the slower the burn and the more likely you are to forget the “why” they were interesting.
  • You are reinforcing the “Why us. And laying out how you will keep in touch to build a relationship. By doing what you say you will you are helping to build a relationship.
  • Keeping in touch between meetings enables you to increase the touch points. Traditionally it was considered necessary to have 3 to 7 touch points for someone to be ready to buy from you. 21st century marketing need a lot more, because the consumer is far more savvy as to what and how they wish to buy. So by keeping in touch consistently can be a good thing.

However, what does it say about you and your business that you assumed that the other party would want to buy from you. In theory I have 100’s of people I could add to my mailing list every month and yet I don’t.

I was once advised that business to business by law we are allowed to add each other to our mailing list as long as they are able to “unsubscribe” it is only business to consumer that is not allowed to do this. (I would like to add that I recommend seeking the advice of the experts here. Angela Lock from the FSB Essex would be a good place to start since they have free legal services as part of their membership.) Regardless of whether I can or can not I don’t and the reason why?

Because I have absolute respect for how busy you are. I make no assumptions of what you want, need or wish to achieve. Or on whom you wish to work with. For some people I personify Marmite, I am so cringe worthy they are backing out of the room as if someone is screeching talons down a chalkboard, however for those few there are thousands that love working with me. So I’m happy. And yet I still don’t add anyone to mine or The Business Woman’s Network databases. I do this for a number of reasons.

  • Firstly, As stated I have absolute respect for you as a very busy business owner and I don’t want to add one item to your inbox that could stress you out. People buy into what I do because they very quickly see that it genuinely works and is genuinely very good for business. I don’t have to sell at people. They just love it. (So get your marketing right and they will come, right?)
  • By adding people to your website every time you meet anyone, how do you know what percentage of your database is actually interested? Yes you have statistics you can read however even they have their limitations. I currently use Mailchimp however I’m looking into Mail Poet too. I once had a client who hated me for a few days when I made their company get in touch with every single person on their database by phone, they didn’t hate me so much when they discovered the disconnected phone lines and dead people. They were able to sell more by targeting what they sell to and to whom they sold to. How many sales do dead people make?  I want a database alive with people energised and buzzing for what I do and how I can help, so by not signing people up but by engaging in an interesting relevant manner people come to my website and want in. Easy right? (It is with the right marketing, are you seeing a trend here right?)
  • If you send out a “Great to meet you” email and you didn’t you actually see them, then you risk looking like a liar. Now I was always told “Never trust a liar Mand, a thief will always try and rob you however you never know where you stand with a liar.” You are on dangerous ground if you make people feel like they can’t trust you. And the first thing the successful networker is aiming to do is build trust to build great relationships. so does an email that risks lying do that? I question whether it does?
  •  By not knowing who you are talking to you don’t actually know what that person wants and what their needs are. My blog is usually written for one or two people. Crazy! I hear you cry. Not really. My 7 year old successful network The Business Womans Network was built out of an understanding that all business women present with similar issues in business regardless of background or industry. So my theory has worked. If I write a blog article that works for one business owner it tends to resonate and help a lot of other business owners too. so by getting to know the people you are emailing in your database, you can create far more powerful content and get better results. i.e., more sales and more happy customers!
  • You risk talking to people that are not interested.
  • You risk annoying people. Even if they are not interested. They are likely to know people that are. I may be self employed and not employ people. However my clients do employ people. Lots of people. So its essential that I know great HR companies and great mediators, etc., etc.
  • You risk sending straight into the hands of the competitors. Scary right.

I think on top of this there are a couple of other cool lessons to be learnt;

  • How cool that this business owner had the confidence to get in touch and ask my advice. For everyone that asks there are a good few that take months to pluck up the courage.
  • Each to their own. When I worked with this very exceptional business mentor years ago he was the opposite of me and added everyone to his mailing list, stating that its their choice to remove themselves from his list. I’ve not changed my viewpoint and I’m still attracting the perfect clients for me and I know he is for him. So if it works for you, you can sleep at night with your choices, it fits with your values, whose to questions your marketing strategy (as long as its legal).
  • Respect busy business owners. The business that respects other people tends to find they don’t lack clients. I seem to have a steady stream of work coming in. Okay admittedly sometimes it feels like a tidal wave, but nothing I can’t handle or stop smiling about. So horses for course, respect, if you can hold your head high, it works for you and attract the results and customers you want. Then go right ahead. On the other hand. If there are gaps in your diary and your bank balance. Time to have a rethink on your marketing strategy? I suggest you start with the Marketing Production Line at the start of this blog article. And the book and online course couldn’t go a miss either.

And as I published this blog article the business owner in question said that they unsubscribed because it just didn’t work for them. So I think it kind of speaks of volumes right?

Yes you may be allowed business to business to add people to your data base as long as you give them the option to opt out however does it really help build good relationships? Does it really help boost sales?

To add on not to add?

I have my answer. Do you have yours?






  • March 20, 2016

Networking Assumptions That Cost You Business

At a networking event the other day I got talking to a rather fabulous business woman and the conversation went like this;

Mrs Fab “So and So is coming today.”

Me “Oh, really. I’ve not seen her in years. I must ask her how business is. Mrs So and So does this and this and is very unique in that.”

Mrs Fab “She doesn’t do this and this, she does that and that.”

Me “No I’m sure she does this and this. She was on the radio talking about it.”

Mrs Fab “She definitely does that and that I know because I was talking to her yesterday!”

Leaving me flabbergasted that I had Mrs So and So labelled so wrong and so for years had been under the illusion she did this and this. Turns out she did do an aspect of what I had thought she did for a living but because I had not chatted to her since, I didn’t know about the vast array of other things her unique company did. Which meant that I couldn’t possibly have been out there being a good networker for her.

The moral of this story. If you don’t network regularly what illusions are being created about what you do?

Turns out if I had known truly what Mrs So and So did for a living I could have put work to her at least twice in the last few years, as I couldn’t find anyone on the planet that does what Mrs So and So does.

Assumptions get made all the time in networking. And here is what assumptions do for your networking success:

Not good right?

So how do you stop networking assumptions from happening?

Network regularly.

Allow other networkers to learn what they want to learn about what you do. NOT what you THINK they need to know.

Reinforce your networking with good social media networking. That means your message is the same where ever anyone goes. So that they really feel like they can connect with you. (Not repeating the same stuff I hasten to add.)

If you don’t understand what someone does, ask questions. How can you be a successful networker for your new contact if you don’t understand the nature of their profession?

Be consistent with your action.

And love it, because let’s be honest networking is just so good for business!

  • September 25, 2013