Tag Archive

Tag Archives for " Business "

5 reasons why people don’t do as you ask— and the strategies to fix it

Whether it’s a member of staff that is always late with a report, a toddler that is over attached to the word No or your partner who never listens to you. It can be frustrating, demoralising and make you question your skills as a leader, parent or human when you’re saying words, and no one is doing as you’ve asked. So, if you’re faced with someone that just won’t listen and do as you ask, here’s 6 reasons why and what you can do about it.

1. Perspective.

A big reason people don’t do as you ask them to, is because your perception of importance does not match up to theirs. For instance, to you it’s essential that someone from your company is out there bringing in new business, your staff on the other hand see it as a waste of time impacting on their to do list. Helping people to adjust their perception so they see the value in the actions you are asking to be completed will make them compliant with little effort from you.

Helping them to see the personal benefits to them shifts their attitude to the task and lowers their resistance to it too. With the networking example they can see that new business means more profit and more profit means more money for your team. “Hang on, I’m getting the money? Well, that’s different!”

It’s far easier to get people to see the benefits for themselves than to attempt to convince them your way is right; do you want to know why?

2. Ego.

It can feel disrespectful when someone doesn’t do as we ask them to can’t it? Do they not love me? Do they not value their job? Do they not care? Taking it personally brings your emotions and feelings into it and that will make it harder for you to bring a sense of calm clarity to the situation.

Take your ego out of the equation and consider theirs. What is that person feeling? What might they be thinking? (See below for more on this). Ego can get in the way and force us to respond in a less than brilliant way (see the next strategy for more on this). Consider if the relationship could be damage as a result of your desire to make this person do this task? Is your ego and how you feel more important than the end result?

If it’s imperative to use reframing to help them see what you see. It means they don’t have to back down on what they value and can honour you too. Enable them to step back and understand the situation for themselves. For example, “If you don’t get out there and network and “Schmooze” (as one member of staff put it) then we won’t have any clients and you won’t have any billable hours”. If chatting to people is now worth a lot of money, (even a bonus) suddenly it looks more appealing, doesn’t it?

3. They can’t help it!

Have you seen Finding Nemo when they shout, “Don’t touch the butt” and poor Nemo ends up in a lot of trouble because he touched the butt. (Actually, it’s a boat, but those fish didn’t hear the correct pronunciation!) A whole films worth of grief, scary moments and near-death experiences.

When people don’t do as you wish, they are having a psychological response that says, “I’m in charge here not you”. We want to at a very fundamental level be in charge of ourselves. It keeps us safe, otherwise someone could tell you to jump in the road and you would — we need to be able to decide for ourselves what’s important and what needs to happen. If you want to see this one in action, check out the click bait titles on social media — You will never believe this……well I’ll be the judge of that……ha got you!

And as William Wallace in The Highlander shouted before battle “You will never take our freedom!” So don’t threaten their autonomy and they are far more likely to respond appropriately. It’s a fast way to gain respect, without asking for it.

Primarily us humans like to get our own way, but we also like to feel safe. Put those two things together and you have “You aren’t the boss of me!” (Even if you are!) As I tell clients, Newton had it right “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”.

As an example, my client manages a very large team and was incredibly frustrated by a couple of members of staff that always had excuses why things weren’t done. This approach not only got them on side it worked on their 17-year-old son who found a new interest in loading the dishwasher!

Look to show you appreciate their view, feelings, emotions, etc so that they feel listened to. Utilising NLP skills can work here (called mirroring) just be cautious about getting this wrong because it can look weird and trite

Ensure you ask coaching style questions for this one, so ditch the “Why didn’t you do this!” for “What could be the reasons that this has not happened?” It’s non judgemental and it will help you with the next strategy.

4. Assumptions.

Just because you’re brilliant at time management do not assume those around you are too. A study at Carnegie Mellon University’s human computer interaction lab had 100+ students sit a test. Half were asked to turn their phones off and the other half had their phones on and received intermittent messages. Those students who had their phones on performed on average 20% worse!

Okay things like this seem obvious but what are their time management skills like?
It’s amazing how many people have things on their to do list that aren’t’ that important that they will do over sacrificing things that actually need doing — I will explain why in the next top tip.

So don’t assume they know what you want them to do and why. Have you explained it?

Have you said it clearly? You may think you said one thing and they heard another — “It would be good to have that report by Friday” is to you I want that report by Friday they heard “Get it done when you can, Friday is good but not essential.”

A big reason people don’t manage their staff (children, etc) effectively is because of communication and boundary issues. I often hear “Well it’s obvious, isn’t it?” Is it?

5. Fear.

Three fears play out here. The most important one is the fear of what people will think of you. Next comes “Well what if I get this wrong? And lastly comes “Actually I don’t think I know how to do this!” (If you’ve read my book Fight the fear, you will know these 3 fears in detail.)

When someone doesn’t do as they’ve asked to repeatedly there has to be a reason. Once you’ve ditched the assumptions and see it from their point of view, using clear communication, make the environment safe for them to say anything.

In this situation in team coaching, I often hear some eye-opening things. The best one was the team of 25 who were working with me for a week on business growth, team building and performance, they wanted to rewrite their vision and create goals that everyone had helped create. Awesome right? Except halfway through the second day one team member finally plucked up the courage to say, “Look I know we do something to do with logistics, but I don’t’ really know what.” That person had been with the company for 12 years! But they lacked confidence or the communication skills to speak up so had been struggling for years. This is often the case, so don’t assume people know how to do what you’ve asked. Ask them, guide them, empower them, train them, coach them.

R and R

And lastly if you get stuck or aren’t sure of the best approach, try something and ensure you have a date to come back and R and R — reflect and review.

Is it working?

What needs to change?

What do I/They need to do differently?

How can I assist? Etc, etc.

The great news is that if it’s in a workplace setting and you’ve coached them to do as you expect of them and then they don’t you’ve a documented journey of what you have done to help them.

It’s amazing how many business owners do not appreciate that by working with a coach, they can then take that knowledge to HR or an employment lawyer and ensure they get the result they actually want. Alas this is not something you can do with your children or partner!

If you loved this article and benefited, please do share it, ensure you follow me on medium and social media. All links are on my site and get in touch anytime so I can write something specifically for you. This article was written for two new clients who I start work with in 2 weeks. This is to get them up and running, I hope it helps you too.

  • February 5, 2022

Stressing Over Christmas And Your 2020 Success

Do people really stress about Christmas?

You know one day in a whole year of days?

Did you stress about last Wednesday?

Or June the 22nd?

Okay so if you were waiting for your loved one to come out of surgery then you had a good reason to stress right?christmas stress mandie holgate

If you were walking into the biggest most important meeting of your career then being stressed, excited and just a bit scared was probably right, wasn’t it?

But for one day that doesn’t include any job interviews, big meetings and hopefully no trips to hospital then it’s not something to stress about. Is it?

If you forget the sprouts, Uncle Ted’s present or the matching napkins, no one is going to stress about it, heck it’s doubtful if anyone will remember one year on, so what’s the stressing for?

If you do find yourself stressing at Christmas here’s some things that could help and for the record, they work all year around to give you some stress free times, time management strategies, goal success and happier more successful life.

Share the load

You may be the most amazing host but don’t think that means you can’t have help. Share the load. If you don’t want to share the cooking because you family could burn a pizza, what could you share? If anything family and friends love to be involved so share the load, it’s not your job to make Christmas perfect. The same goes for life, whatever you wish to achieve it is easier if you know you can trust others to take on some of the responsibilities and daily tasks to free up your time and head space.


Never is it more obvious than at Christmas (and in business) that we don’t communicate powerfully. You don’t share what upsets you, they don’t share what they don’t want to do, no one has told them that you want the washing up done (or not done) before the Karaoke and Charades begins. And so often the reason why is because we are scared of how we will be interpreted? We worry about what others will think of us. You won’t agree with everyone over everything, however clear communication enables everyone to feel respected, listened to and understood.

Perfect is boring

I remember the year I was 9 and a mouse short circuited the cooker so Dad spent most of Christmas afternoon trying to get the fried morsel out so we could get the Turkey in. I don’t remember the meal, I do remember my Nan getting stressed and us 3 kids and my Mum laughing. I do also remember the yellow plastic wardrobe I got for my favourite dolly, but I don’t remember any the meal at all – really important obviously! Perfect is not perfect. Perfect is stressful so don’t aim for perfect, aim for good enough and done. And in business I would say I see this practically every day “I will get it out there when we’ve just….” Or “I just need to do this and then I will launch it” Many professionals are the worlds best kept secret!

Emotions and feelings not presents and wrappingschristmas 2019 stress mandie holgate coach

Concentrate on how you want to feel. For me Christmas is a month of pretty lights, 20+ year old decorations bought from around the world, late night shopping where you hardly shop just laugh and eat and lots of games and walks. My teenagers have already thrashed me (first time ever!) at a 2 week game of Monolopy and I’m now winning the 2nd game (I hid my money and property so they couldn’t nick any!) You get to decide how you spend your Christmas and if you can’t control which side of the family you are with or what you get to eat, you are in total control of how you feel. Don’t let others dictate that too. This is absolutely essential for every aspect of your life. So often we have little control but we can control our emotions.

Spit Spot!

I love a clean house I even love an immaculate office, everything in its place. But 8 years of illness so extreme I had to learn to like the occasional missed cobweb or go insane trying to ignore it, because I was too ill to do it for myself and funny enough 10 year old children aren’t perfect cleaners! I’ve learnt that no one looks back on life and says “Wow do you remember how clean the floors were?” So if you are running out of time, concentrate on what is really essential and now what you think should be essential. The two are different and learning this skill could make you very successful!

The right gifts

I can honestly say that if there was nothing under the tree I wouldn’t care very much. I’m not saying you need to be like this. christmas 2019 stressful christmas life hacks with mandie holgate coachWhat I am saying is that you need to know and honour who you are. For me I love looking after others and making their eyes light up with happiness. I feel I was put on this planet to make a difference and that makes me feel so alive and happy. Knowing how I feel about my role in life reflects itself on my actions at Christmas. I like to give to charity and to those that aren’t expecting a helping hand and I like to give gifts that have meaning. I’d rather spend 8 hours painting a picture for my Mum than buying something expensive that she is not sure she even wants or needs. Think about your choices for under the tree and how it represents the kind of person you are. For me as long as there is a hubby, a scruffy dog and 2 wonderful teens, I’m happy. You don’t have to be like that, but you do need to learn to honour who you really are. This is a fast track to professional success!

Don’t buy into the hype

Most people dread the Christmas food shop, I don’t. I get my daft Christmas hat, the Christmas jumper that makes me look like a huge Marshmallow man and me and Hubby (Sometimes other family members too) hit the supermarket, grocers and butchers. There’s queues, there’s stressy people trying to take your heels off with a trolley and the more that happens the more we sing, skip and laugh. I’ve been in an over crowded veg aisle and sang Indiana Jones and squeezed through like I’m in the jungle on a life and death adventure to the milk aisle that is empty shouting “Mum, I made it, save yourself!

At first people look around and ask “Whose the idiot?” but quickly most people realise how ridiculous we look clambering to get a sprout top and some red cabbage. I like to remember we are all human, going off to various homes around the country (and world) to smile, love and share. It never ceases to ground me and remind me of the big picture and heck if I don’t go home with brandy cream no one’s going to get hurt are they? In our lives we are often surrounded by others hype on what is important and what is essential. Don’t buy into this, find your own path and stick to it.

Lastly keep it in perspective

This is important for us all in every moment of our lives. When I’m coaching someone, sometimes we are dealing with really difficult and tough times for that client and yet before we’ve achieved anything together they feel better, how?

Because we changed their perspective on it.

And if worse comes to the worse and Uncle Ted doesn’t have a gift, you can’t buy Brandy cream, a mouse decides to fry itself in your cooker and your tree falls down, in years to come you will at the least be able to say “Wow, how resilient am I!? And that is something else we actually all need, to appreciate and know we have the ability to get through anything!

Merry Christmas and if you are thinking of coaching for you or a loved one for 2020 please note I’m nearly fully booked for January, however I’d still love to help. It would be my honour.

  • December 17, 2019

All doom and gloom

I remember as a child being told “Mandie Timns you ‘re all doom and gloom!”. I was always Mrs Happy, Positive I love life or Mrs Oh no the worlds’ ending. (That’s why I know we can all change, because I have!)

As a child I loved Lost in Space and the sad robot was who I was compared to most of the time. It’s not easy to change however it is something we can all do.

So last night I was lucky enough to slide into a beautiful full length ball gown covered in sequins, spend far too long getting ready and head out to celebrate the finest businesses of my home county, Essex.

As a coach and Founder of The Business Womans Network I realise that one of my super powers is that I love business. Not just mine, everyone’s! I’m so ridiculously proud of everyone’s achievements and I’m very happy to be regaled with your business story, passion and ambitions. Therefore to spend the evening with so many businesses that I’ve helped, watched and loved for years and to see their faces light up on hearing their name called out was sheer joy.

But here’s the thing. Many of the speakers and guests were also overjoyed at everyone’s success and passion however I couldn’t help noticing the doom and gloom.

Into too many speeches in my view Brexit reared it’s stupid, unruly head. (This is not a political post so you are safe to read on.)

Why does this matter?

Surely it is something that is happening right now and could impact on all businesses?

Last time I looked I was not a politician or the Prime Minister so getting stressed about Brexit achieves nothing. On a celebratory night to mention the B word was just as useful.

Have you noticed how two people both have the same end destination or goal and yet only one will get there despite similar skills, beliefs and passion, why?

And what does that have to do with Brexit?

Concentrating on the negative around us is not good for business, we do need to be mindful of what could impact on success, our teams, our suppliers and profit margins however ultimately you don’t have control over Brexit so talking about it only creates fear, tension, negativity and nervousness – and consider any big occasion in your life, were those feelings and thoughts useful or damaging?

It is mindful to remember that bad news sells, not good news, and as such if you want proof that it’s all doom and gloom you are going to be able to find it,  however if you want to hear that business is good, people are seeing record breaking sales, profit margins and companies are sustaining growth despite smaller budgets, then you can find evidence of that too.

You see the human is a clever thing, it can look where it’s told to, the brain in all humans can be powered up for greatness or reduced to a nervous bundle of oozing do nothing just with a thought. So if you concentrate on the negative your actions will be impacted upon.

This is not pie in the sky, airy fairy “your coach believes in you” nonsense, this is factual. I can work with a team who know that there is no more money, there will be no extra staff, they do have far too many emails and the to do list seems to grow as fast as they tick things off – and despite what could be perceived as doom and gloom there company grows, the staff become happier and feel more respected, KPI’s are nailed and profits grow. What did I do?

  • I helped them see what they could control.
  • Accept what would always be fluid and that if you can’t fix/fight/change something you can still control what you choose to think – because thoughts impact on all results.
  • Be mindful where you look. Discussing doom and gloom brings doom and gloom to the forefront of your mind and the human mind loves to give you what you focus on.
  • If you don’t want doom and gloom be aware that it exists, that it could be impacting on your thoughts, feelings, actions and results and take responsibility for your choice of thoughts.

So often when I’m working with a new client I hear “We want to achieve this” and when I ask them to explain it in more detail there is no depth to their want for that goal. Which means that in times of uncertainty as we clearly could be considered as having right now, it’s imperative that you choose the calibre of your thoughts. Remember bad new sells, and you are not a news story.

Define your own direction. Don’t get pulled into a negative rabbit hole. Concentrate on what you want and how you are going to ensure you will get there, we all know someone that has achieved great things despite the odds.

That’s all of us right now.

Ditch the doom and gloom. Leave that for your competitors. I established The BWN in the middle of the last recession. If I’d listened to the doom and gloomers I’d have believed;

  • Now is not the time to grow, it’s time to batten down the hatches and survive.
  • No one is going to want to network in a recession.
  • No one is spending money on marketing or coaching.
  • People won’t travel to a remote hotel just to hang out with other business owners.

The list was long, and I didn’t’ listen to any of it. If anything I have always found that when everyone else is stunned like a rabbit in the headlights that is the perfect time to think big, plan well, structure the actions and concentrate on what you really want. Because you are likely to achieve despite anything. It’s your choice where you choose to focus your thoughts, energy and actions – choose wisely.

  • September 27, 2019

How To Get Bum’s On Seats

I have been asked on thousands of occasions “How do I get bums on seats?” “How can I get people to turn up?”

In a society where people have sussed that getting people to “see” what you do, enables sales the market is saturated with events to attend. From charity events, parties, MLM presentations, networking open days, taster days, surgeries, the list is endless. So no wonder getting bums on seats is not so easy.

Having hosted thousands events and as the network I founded The Business Womans Network comes up to celebrating it’s 10th birthday, I can safely say I know how to get bums on seats.

Why the weather can impact on sales.

How to sell tickets for your Christmas event from the South of France in July when your phone is turned off – heck you don’t know where it is!

And even how to get MP’s, journalists and TV celebrities to turn up!

So here are my quick top tips for making your event an ultimate success;

  1. The first thing I want you to remember is that because of my illness (Lupus) I am not able to work as many hours as I would like or use many of the routes to market that may be open to you, thus what I’m saying is, that if I can fill a course in 24 hours, if I can work with a small team to make ££££’s for charity in one evening with only 3 weeks prep, if I can make my networking group grow continuously, then these top tips WILL work if you get this right. (that was my bossy, kick butt voice, did you get that? It’s only because I genuinely care about you getting results.)
  2. Get yourself known as a thought leader first. Its a bit of a catch 22 situation, however if you want someone to attend your event, you need to make it obvious for them, that they should choose you over someone else. If I “Google” you online, what will I see? What would your target audience see? Wherever someone finds you it has to all add up to the same image, the same clear “This is what we do, and we do it exceptionally well.” How do you walk the walk on line and off line? Remember many people I’m working with right now have come to me over anyone else because of my online presence, wherever you go, you get the same version of Mandie Holgate. True authenticity and reputation speak to your clients often before you get the chance to – Can you say the same?
  3. Prove it. You’ve now got the perfect online image that says “we are the experts to learn from.” now prove it. Who have you worked with? Are your testimonials hidden on one page? Are they utilised across your entire marketing strategy?
  4. Results. Okay testimonials are lovely, but anyone can say something nice about you. It can end up as powerful as a like on Facebook (and a lot of likes does not equate to a lot of success), and lets be honest, I’ve only got 900ish likes on Facebook because I’ve never asked for a like. Okay across Twitter on my 2 accounts I’ve 8000+, however wherever I am on line they are genuine likes, and not the generic “Oooo if you like me, I will like you.” So you need to showcase in every aspect of your marketing the results that people can expect. How did you make that customer feel? What impact did it have on their life? Their Business? Their Success? Get specific. Use statistics and facts. Reinforce why people must attend your event.
  5. What’s that word of mouth saying? Quite often we “think” we are known for one thing and in actual fact it can be something else entirely. So find out. What do people actually feel you are good at? What do people feel you lack skill in? Tell people they have carte blanch right to be honest here. Remember criticism is your chance to learn and be a better version of you.
  6. Are you dynamic? Okay this one is a tad harsh, but hey you come to me for answers, and I won’t shy away from the harder ones to address…..so, remember when you were at school, the kid that you were friends with and got invited to their party and yet you questioned whether you should go, because that kid was considered “Uncool.” Do you feel people would want to spend the day/evening with you? Do you have pizazz? Can people believe that you are the expert that won’t bore them to death? In my experience sometimes really intelligent people, actually make poor trainers as they can lack people skills to appreciate other peoples needs and agendas. So are you someone that people want to spend time with? (And if you feel you lack charm or people skills – they are all learn-able – and I teach them.)
  7. Check your ooziness. Leading on nicely from pizazz, do you ooozzzzzeee the passion for the subject you want to host an event on? People buy into passion. We buy certain products because of the way they make us feel. So do you ooze the “Wowness”?
  8. Stop selling at people. Posting the link to your event a thousand time will not equate to a thousand guests, it will equate to a thousand people thinking “is that all they can talk abut!” Blog, share great images, share top tips, I find that I don’t need to sell my books, courses, training or coaching. Sharing enables people to see I’m their expert of choice and they buy into me as a product. So don’t sell at people, enable people to buy into you and feel like they are part of the cool team.
  9. After any event, no matter how small a group you end up with, its a start. Ensure you take pictures, and make sure there are no empty chairs in view. Remember if it is a small group, the only people that will know that are those that where in the room, and if you made them feel amazing, and if they walk out of the room thinking it was amazing, they will talk more about that feeling and what they learned than about how small the group was. If anything they will want to see it happen again and so will be happy to get involved in spreading the word for the next one, so how will you utilise that?
  10. Of all of these points work but don’t forget if you want to get bums on seats ask yourself “Do I utilise 8 to 10 tools off of Mandie’s Marketing Production Line.”
I have helped a lot of organisers of events, hotels, event management companies, networks, charities, marketing agencies, coach’s, therapists, accountants and even financial advisers get bums on seats for their events and ensure they get maximum benefit for their business out of the experience.
I’m happy to have a chat with you to assist and usually this is just a 2 hour coaching session and you are flying high – okay you get a lot of homework, a lot of back burner ideas, an action plan and a coach that will care about you forever – sorry I can’t help the last bit. I care passionately about your success – even if we only work together for 2 hours in your entire life!
  • March 7, 2019

Distracted, shiny things and losing focus – how to stay accountable and get results

So many of us get distracted by new ideas and opportunities and what can be even more scary is we often don’t even notice that!

Clients may start coaching with me to fix a problem, grow a career or business or to build confidence however they stick around as retained clients because I keep the motivated, focused and accountable. Things that can easily fall away when we get side tracked into what looks like an opportunity too good to pass. You can learn more here and I’m always happy to have a chat.

  • January 10, 2019

“Hi, you don’t know me but let me sell at you…..”

A little rant today I’m afraid….Hope you get it and helps you…

“Hi Mandie,

Thank you for connecting with me, I’ve not qualified myself for this communication but hey let’s get right in there and let me tell you why I’m brilliant, and no matter how successful you are, and I know I don’t know you at all since we connected 7 minutes ago here on LinkedIn I know you aren’t as successful as you could be because you don’t have me in your life (hey that may sound arrogant but I started selling at you in a message 7 minutes after connecting with you, so what were you expecting?)

So I’ve got this programme/proven plan/8 figure strategy that will revolutionise your life (see again I’m assuming your business is in dire straits and you need me? Did you see that twice in our first ever communication? I’m really connecting with you aren’t I!)

I’m now going to waffle on for another 4 paragraphs telling you how fabulous I am and about the many amazing things I’ve achieved with my clients who are all living perfect lives so surely that qualifies me to jump on a call with you so I can close the deal? When do you want that call today or tomorrow?”

Great message right? Okay so I may have been a little sarcastic here, however what has sparked this growing trend in this type of spam?

Does it work? Is it about crunching the numbers and for every person like me that is irratated by the rudeness and lack of professionalism there are 8 people that are happy to jump on that call?

On researching for this article I discovered that according to LinkedIn (the ones in the know!) there is no right time or wrong time to get in touch according to best day of the week or time of the day however it is the short and concise messages that were directed to individuals who you tailored your message to them (just them, not a thousand people that fit a profile like them) that got the best results.

In other words, your bulk sending of spam is not going to work as well as getting to know people and build relationships!

I can’t be the only one bored by these people who have no respect for my time? I love my online network, and I’m happy to have direct conversations learning more about you and what you do. (Remember the bigger your network and the more well informed you are about your network the more useful you can be, the more opportunities you naturally get to touch base and to help and you stick  in people’s minds for all the right reasons. The perfect example is again this week I had the kind of message I often get “Mandie we are open a new restaurant who do you think we need to invite?” Do you think that kind of request comes about because I post a lot or because I’ve a genuine interest in knowing my online community?

It is also the reason I get rebooked as a speaker for big exhibitions and events because they know they can trust me to support them and their planned outcomes, not sell at their audiences and make a difference – all constantly reflected in my online communication. It gives you something to think about right?

Ultimately these spam messages rarely work on someone you’ve just connect with because it is still about building relationships and listening. These direct messages miss out on the foundations of communication success;

  • Assuming I need what you have.
  • Not listening to find out what I feel I really need and want.
  • Not introducing yourself and building a relationship.
  • Not qualifying your right to share more about what you do and how you may help me, that only happens after I’ve learnt to trust your reasons for connecting with me.
  • Not respecting me as a business owner and assuming I’m failing (that does wonders for building relationships to start a message assuming the other person is a failure doesn’t it?)
  • Not respecting my time and that I’ve got nothing better to do than wait for you to call me. Do they think I’m sat here with nothing to do thinking “Wow I wish someone would message me with a 8 figure fix to my business. (If they had bothered to even read my profile they would know that talk like that is going to turn me off faster than an invite to dinner from Donald Trump!)

These direct sales messages remind me of some business owners that start to share how and why you MUST work with them, and they don’t realise that the potential customer will get there in their own time, not in theirs. As I often tell clients it is not your job to sell at potential clients it is your job to showcase why you and enable them to get there “naturally” in their own time. (When you learn sales processes, your target audiences and the communication that is powerful to your business it becomes a lot easier and is the science of getting customers returning again and again and telling everyone about you too! You flow at sales when you know this knowledge, not by spamming everyone you can connect with!

Communication is a fundamental power to our business success. In every aspect of our professional lives we have to be able to communicate powerfully (and if you want your personal life to run smoothly communication is just as powerful there.) So the next time you communicate with someone you feel you could help don’t be on your agenda, be on theirs.

Don’t assume.

Don’t sell.

And don’t send diatribe like the above. Which is becoming a daily delete exercise for so many busy people. And guess what how likely are you to read / stay connected / or follow up on any of their future posts?

Crazy move right?

I’m incredibly honest and won’t waste your time, so if you have something you’d like to see covered in my blog please feel free to message me. Most articles are as a result of a clients discoveries (confidentially created obviously) or messages where someone has said “What are you thoughts on this?” I’m happy to help. Happy to chat and happy to hear from you.

Let’s connect on social media….so I can sell at you….only kidding!

  • September 22, 2018

A little algorithm that could change your life (and your results!)

An interesting little question that I helped a client create this week has had massive levels of impact on their chosen thoughts and actions and as result impacted on their performance.

It is like a little algorithm that I’ve found working on myself and other clients too. It is this;

“If I choose to drop xxx then I can choose to get xxx”

For instance;

  • “If I choose to drop my corporate career then I can pursue my lifelong career.”
  • “If I choose to drop my insecurities then I can go for senior management.”
  • “If I choose to drop my fear of public speaking I can further my career”

Interestingly as a coach I’ve helped people to;

  • Get on the board of directors.
  • Become management material.
  • Quit their corporate life.
  • Set up/grow up/close a business.
  • Find/fight/fix fears.

The fact is this little algorithm, works powerfully in so many ways for so many people.

As so many great thinkers, leaders and philosophers over time have proved time and time again it is when we can explain things in their simplest format that we are able to understand the most.

And with this little algorithm, it enables a client to get to what really is holding them back in their ambitions, dreams and big goals for success.

That little algorithm is very beautiful and perfect. It makes my work sound so easy and simple. It is in the process that we create that the client can use that algorithm with power to get what they want in life. My clients are all incredible, finding their own way to process what is going on in their head.

Together we create something very powerful, even more powerful than an algorithm!

  • August 15, 2018

4 signs that your confidence levels are impacting on your success

Over the years I’ve helped thousands of people to increase their confidence, not just because it’s a nice thing to do but because I’ve seen it have a massive impact on their personal and professional success and happiness.

Here’s just a few of the things I’ve seen people go on to achieve purely by increasing their confidence;

  • Gain a place on the board of directors.
  • Increase sales by 33% within 3 weeks.
  • Ask for (and get!) a speaking engagement at a national conference.
  • Ask for (and get!) a new contract with much better terms.
  • Feature in the press and on the radio.
  • Tell their boss about the bullying in the office and get it eradicated!

And yet rarely does a client come to me and say “Can you help me increase my confidence please?” It is only by exploring what that client brings to the table am I able to see that one of the underlying issues that needs to be fixed is their confidence levels. Often I have to redirect the client back and check that they really want to talk about the subject they walked in the door with or if they feel that there is an underlining issue impacting on their results in this area. By exploring this together we often find that whether they call it a lack of confidence or not that is, in fact, the real issue. (Don’t worry I will keep the techie stuff to a minimum, I just wanted to give you a little insight.)

Interestingly my books may be about building confidence, sales and success and yet the one I was asked to write by the UK’s leading non-fiction publisher was not worded as increasing confidence but about fighting fear. Whether you see it as an abundance of fear or a lack of confidence, put the two on a timeline and you will see that the opposite of fear is confidence. And so being able to build yours is critical to building your personal and professional success.

Here’s four signs your confidence levels need some loving;

Everything is fine

A sure sign that your success could be heightened is to look around you and find that everything is running along smoothly. What everything? There is not one area that could do with a tweak or that you are focusing on for future growth and development? Not one thing in your personal or professional life that you look at and think “I’d like to learn more” or “I’d like to reduce how much I do that in my life?” You see when we face fear (or try to ignore it like a dog being told off for raiding the rubbish bin!) we do our best to avoid making eye contact with the issue. The “If I don’t look over there I can’t see the problem” attitude. And that means there is a blind spot potentially hiding opportunities for you to learn and grow your confidence. So it’s also as a sign that you aren’t pushing yourself enough. And why don’t we push ourselves more? Because we fear the result we will get!

No action

If you find yourself not as busy or productive as usual, look for the fear. Remember the fear is the opposite of your confidence and as such by noticing where you lack action you can start to pay attention to the areas that could need some support. A perfect example is when you realise you’ve not taken action on something you want or dealt with something that niggles at you. Or you’ve stopped bothering to do those nice little touches you used to do when you first started working for that company years ago. The lack of spark can point to the areas that need some assistance and where you could be lacking confidence and thus impacting on your results.

Less enjoyment

It may not be an area directly connected to your personal or professional success however I often hear clients say that connected to the area that they wish to change in their life, as we work on a deeper more subconscious level they share that they notice they’ve stopped reading or going out with friends or cooking nice meals. Things that may seem completely irrelevant to success can showcase a lack of love for your life. And when we find ourselves in a rut, feeling unappreciated or like we aren’t getting the results we want, that can impact on our confidence and it can often show up in this way. So are you loving your free time as much as your professional life? They have a knock on effect to each other. And so this process can work the other way too.

You believe everything.

Worse than fake news is some of the drivel we listen to in our heads. We have all heard of the Imposter Syndrome (I can shut that bad voice up in about 1 session and if you want to get started for free click here for my free eBook on How to Fix the Imposter Syndrome.) and we’ve heard of the shiny thing syndrome (where everything looks good so we go around in circles, creating no real results – Read more here) and best of all think of the rubbish you let your head say to you. The way you berate yourself for being rubbish at that, or never been able to do this, or have you noticed how many chins you’ve got recently. All that negative talk can only hold power if you let it. So if you notice the voice in your head has become a little bit too much like the evil stepmother, crossed with Simon Cowell and The Wicked Witch from the East (or was that West?) stop that voice, it is damaging your confidence, enabling fears to grow strong and stopping you from achieving what you really wish to.

If you want more, my course creating confidence has tons of 5 star reviews and for £95 is a fraction of what coaching would cost. You get 5 sessions working with me online, at you own pace using my results proven tools and techniques.

I’d love to see what it could do for you too!

  • March 20, 2018

How to turn conversations into customers

Have you ever walked away from conversations thinking “Why didn’t I say that!”? or found that you lose your true voice when talking business or waffle on and then think “Why did I say that!” or that you wish the ground would swallow you up when asked “what do you do?” or “speak for 60 seconds about your business”? Do you struggle to find the right words to turn a conversation into a customer? Public speaker Mandie Holgate

Communication can be incredibly powerful for enabling a contact to turn into a client. In this article, I would like to share with you 8 top tips to be a compelling, confident communicator that does not fear the competition and can speak powerfully to anyone, anywhere.

I see people in business make fatal errors in the way they communicate, when I host a training session on this Conversations into Customers topic I often get them started with the simple question “What do you do?” Because unless you can tell someone what you do in less than 20 seconds, you risk not engaging with that new connection. Ideally, if you learn this skill and the science behind what could be powerful for you to say, people will be saying things like “that’s interesting, how did you get to that? or “How does that work, tell me more?

Top Tips to turning conversations into customers;
  1. Your perception of reality  Before we even look at what you say and how you say it you need to appreciate your own perception of the world around you. Because your perception of reality will differ from anyone else’s, when I present this topic as a speaking engagement I will often the audience to describe the room to me in one word. There are always various words called out, rarely any two the same and they can range from descriptions of the decor to comments on its cleanliness and the height of the ceilings to the temperature and comments on the people in the room. This showcases to people that what we think everyone else is concentrating on is rarely the same as us.That’s because we forget that our perception of reality is different to everyone else’s. Our brains filter out information. Our eyes have millions of rods and cones in them that help us created our image of the world around us, and research has proved that while we used to think that we only saw what we needed to see, studies tell us that our brain see’s everything but only gives us the information that it feels is relevant to us. And your perception of reality that your brain brings you is distorted in part by your beliefs and experiences in life.
  2.  Hot Buttons. By knowing what your hot buttons are you can ensure that Mandie Holgate shows her passion for success and her bookyou control the way you communicate around these areas. What things get you riled up? What do you have definite opinions on? What are you passionate about? Imagine you are speaking with someone at a networking event or party and you are passionate about exercise and healthy living, what you don’t know is the person you are talking to has just lost a loved one at a very young age and they too had been keen on health and fitness. How well do you think you are likely to connect on a level that allows the conversation to progress from the shallow to the deeper level of connection if you speak passionately about this topic? Our passions are our passions, not necessarily everyone else’s, so as my Hubby’s Teacher used to say “Wind your neck in” ie, great you’ve got an opinion, now stop force feeding it to everyone else. Don’t get me wrong passion is essential for your personal and professional success, however, expecting another to feel as passionate about it as someone else can lead to alienation. (And that bored look!) And that is not good for powerful conversations.Take a moment to write them down.
  3. Confidence. If you want to turn conversations into clients you need to boost your confidence. And first things first I want to teach you is the scariest word in the world. Showcasing how to devalue the pain that this word can mean to us is often carried out by encouraging people to get into pairs and take in turn to just say No over and over to each other in different styles, with different tonality and in different speeds. What this does is enable people to see how much gravitas people give to this word. You see in your professional life so many people hear no and instead of hearing two letters they hear something like “No, go away we hate you and never darken our doorstep again.” or “No you smell.” The word has had a strong meaning to us since we were born, and so for many we still have in built conceptions about what that no is saying to us. It can seriously damage your ability to communicate powerfully if you are expecting a no, and cant’ handle that. Take the fear out of that word.
  4. Turning a no into a yes exercise. Take a piece of paper and create this table. Write a long list of the reasons people say no to you. Now the way to make this exercise powerful is instead of you replying, think of the client that loves everything you do, never pays late, recommends you to their friends, etc etc, they know why they buy from you and that information is powerful to your communication.
    What reasons do people give for saying No? Perfect Client

    What would your perfect client say in reply to this No?

    (Not what you would say)

    Too expensive   You won’t regret spending a penny because this works?
    I don’t have the time   Making the time to do this will save you thousands in the no time and could increase profit.

    Look through your table, what pain and pleasure words have you created. If you have bought a course recently you will have received the free gift with 111 pain and pleasure words that can make your communications and marketing more powerful. This above exercise will help you to start to create that list. Knowing the powerful words for your target audience is critical to knowing how to engage powerfully.

  5. Find your true voice I often hear people use my words and phrases and it sounds a little daft. They copy me word for word and it sounds wrong. Why? Because when I’m speaking I am known for being bouncing across the stage, acting and inspiring (Think Tigger on Redbull powered by Duracell) I do have a lot of fun and get the audience, not ly involved, but engaged and thinking due to my laid back style. As such I communicate in a certain way. Someone who is very serious, or who lacks confidence is going to not connect with their target audience with my style, and vice versa. You need to appreciate what do you stand for? What do you want? What is your mission statement? What is our ethos? It doesn’t have to be the same as other people. And by finding your true voice, talking about what matters to you, you will build confidence in yourself because you will naturally be attracting your target audience. Showcasing what you are passionate about enables others to experience that passion too. Just remember to wind your neck in at the right time!
  6. Listen.  There are many benefits to this, however, the 2 that we will look at today are that 1) It enables Mandie Holgate coach and speakerthe person you are talking to feel respected and cared for. And by making someone feel like this you can start to build rapport. 2) You get powerful clues on what to say to power up the conversation. For instance, if someone speaks in detail you will know that this matters to them (so in an email, later on, to follow up ensure you get grammar correct, no apostrophes where they shouldn’t be or mixing up your there, their, they’re! It also enables you to use their own words in the conversation too which not only builds rapport it is also a form of mirroring. Let’s look at that more…
  7. Mirroring Powerful body language to connect is not just about body language. Matching someone speed of communication and utilising on their words will also help you connect on a deeper level. Just remember if you overdo this it can feel creepy. Not sure your natural speed of communication? While it can differ on whom you are talking with, you will have a natural style and become aware of this you will be able to note when you may need to speed up or slow down. If I use my normal voice (for instance) which is quite fast, full of gestures and energy and passion, and I’m communicating with someone who clearly lacks confidence, could be shy and have fears that they wish to speak with me about, if I use my natural way of communication, I’m likely to make that person feel like a bunny trapped in headlights. I need to slow it down, speak quieter and give that person lots of space to speak at the space with their own thoughts. So consider your natural style and how this could impact on powerful communications? By using Top tip 6 and 7 this is not only powerful face to face you can then ensure that this is someone who could be an awesome client for you that you utilise that style of communicating in your online communications too. Would it work in your marketing because this is a style that you note applies to a lot of your clients? 
  8. Ask for it. Lastly, something I think many people are scared to do (in part due to top tip Number 3) is asking for what they want. I appreciate its scary to do because what if they do say No? The thing about No’s is they give you powerful information for your marketing and to gain other clients. No is “rarely no thank you go away”, it is often “no thank you we are too busy with this, could you contact us in 6 months”, or “no we’ve happy with our current supplier” (that again was not a no forever, your competitor may make a mistake and then if you’ve communicated powerfully with them they may give you a chance) By appreciating that no’s are fountains of knowledge in disguise you can learn what leads to a yes. And this doesn’t mandie holgate anxiety I can't do thismean hiding behind copious mountains of email! Pick up the phone, arrange a meeting, be concise, be honest, and ask for it. If you have qualified the person you are speaking to and you know they want what you do if you have used the powerful language and you have listened one thing that people are very good at not doing is asking for what they want. If you don’t want to do this, try asking in different ways to people you know will give you an honest answer on your style of communication. For instance, on the Insiders (a group I vigilate and coach its members on confidentially) you could trail the way in which you ask. ie “We’ve noticed you use X, did you know there is a way of making these that stops you getting that problem you are getting here? Could that be interesting to you?” or “Do you use x in your business, is it something you could see yourself trialling?” Trial different questions and see what feels comfortable, however, be confident to ask for what you want, the no’s lead you to the yes’s with the right language.

So remember to remove the fear from the word No, build your confidence (and if that is still tricky I’ve a course that you can work on at your own pace to help boost yours, learn more here) appreciate your perception of the world and how it could impact on conversations, learn to listen powerfully and mirror other people in tonality, words and speed. Get over your fear of asking for it (which is probably connected to your fear of what they may think – both of which are covered in my new book Fight the fear – how to beat your negative mindset and win in life.) And if you want to know if you are winning on this. Use the pain and pleasure power words from your list or the gift I give with every course to create a powerful sentence that trips up so many people….”What do you do?” Feel free to share what you decide on my social media. And if you are bit scared to do that, why not post on the Insiders for a bit of confidential feedback? And if the confidence is rocketing, what about sharing on Facebook live!






How to turn Conversations into Customer


Compelling, confident and capable speaker

Why didn’t I say that?

Why did I say that?

Or what did I say!

Simple questions can be a mine field. What do you do? And you ramble on for five minutes instead of reply that in 20 seconds gets them interested enough to want to know more.

First we need to consider not what we say but how we see the world

Pee forget our perception of reality is different to everyone else’s.

Brains filer out information.

Millions of rods and cones, research proved that we used to think our brain only saw what we needed to see in actual fact the brain sees everything and filters out what it thinks is not relevant.

Need a pad, meeting at one, next thing you know you are spotting gorgeous shoes

What does that have to do with powerful communications? Your perceptions are distorted by your beliefs and experiences and values

So realities differ.

Hot buttons. What riles you up? What are you passionate about? What do you have definite opinions on?

Being aware of your views on everything from Family, friends, sex, to business impacts on how you communicate.

Exercise – you love others hate.

Moment to write down what you think they may be. Need some help?

Next lets look at how to feel confident. Let’s look at the most scariest word in the world. No I want to de-fear you to this word because its part and parcel of running a business.

Get in pairs and say no – How did it feel?

Lower the fear factor. How to turn a no into a yes. This helps you find your pain and pleasure power words – my course for 111 of them These need to feature in your marketing and conversations.

Find your true voice – don’t say other peoples words, I hear people copy me word for word and it sounds daft. Find your own voice. What do you stand for? What is your mission statement? Know your values?

It doesn’t’ have to be the same as other people. By talking about what matters and using your true voice not only will you gain your own following which boosts your confidence you will natural attract the right target audience too.

Listen – 2 reasons – 1 gives respect and shows you care 2 powerful clues on what to say to power up your conversation.

This enables you to mirror body language with their words.

Adjust the speed you speak at. In pairs speak fast and slow – how did it feel?

Trial the speed you speak and be aware of other peoples choice of speed, pace, tonality.

Use in marketing and if someone likes detail in conversation be aware of that for your emails – you don’t want to get your there their and they’re mixed up and risk alienating them.

Ask for what you want. Women don’t ask for what they want.

Trial how you say it. The insiders is a great place for this.

How can I help you further.

  • September 9, 2017

Knowing Where & When To Spend Your Money

It may sound easy to spend money right?

But when it comes to helping your business grow, thrive and succeed how can you know you are spending your hard earned profits on the right things?

People will tell you come to our event, advertise with us, exhibit here, join our organisation, it will help your business. But money doesn’t growing on trees, so how can you know you are investing in the right marketing or if you are wasting your money?

I’m often asked “Should I spend money on advertising in this magazine?” or “Should I exhibit at this event?”

So here are my top tips to help you work out if it really is a great opportunity for you and your business success;

  1. Find out who their target audience is. Does it match up to yours? It’s all very well raising your profile but if you are on the radar of people that are never likely to have the money or the inclination to buy your products and services is it really a good investment?
  2. How many people are expected at the event? How big is their mailing list? How big is their readership? Your investment should be inline with the return you will get, right?
  3. Ask yourself if I’m giving up time to attend this event, time to prepare for the event, time to follow up effectively (always follow up effectively to truly maximise on any events you attend!) then how much is that actually costing you? That has to be factored into what you are costing. Does it still look like a great opportunity?
  4. What further promotion will this opportunity give you? When you find this organisation on line do they have thousands of followers or likes? If not what are the chances that you are going to benefit from online representation from this organisation? A great top tip for anyone hosting events or selling advertising space is the more added bonuses you can be seen to be giving customers the more they will come back and spend with you. If it costs X to advertise in your magazine but you include free twitter posts and Facebook promotion then you can become more powerful to your customers. As a consumer don’t be afraid to ask the organisation how they intend to promote their event, magazine, etc.
  5. Find out if you get exclusivity. This can be very important and can impact on the cost and the benefit to you.
  6. Ask if you will gain access to their mailing list, guest list, client database. Not many organisations offer this, but if you don’t ask you don’t get.

You could spend every penny of your profit on paying to attend exhibitions, trade fairs and shows or on advertising on websites and in magazines, so think carefully about the outcome you are looking to achieve and what ever you do decide to do know what your desired outcome is. How many sales, new leads, etc you are aiming to gain from this.

And lastly know in advance how you intend to measure the level of success your marketing investment.

I hope this helps you decide where to spend your profits, although I should warn you if your marketing budget is smaller than a budgies handbag, fear not. With my marketing production line there are enough answers to get you new leads and sales without spending any money! Click here to try it for yourself 

Or give me a call if you are having a tough time, I’ve a way of helping for all budgets!

07989 935556



  • February 14, 2015