Words you wouldn’t expect to hear from a business woman whose father taught her never lie. As Dad always says;
“Never lie, with a thief you know they will always try and steal from you, with a liar you never know where you stand.”
It’s a rule I’ve always applied to my life and every aspect of it.
But today I realised that’s a lie. Oh the irony!
You see I think sometimes we do have to lie, but the only person even now I’m lying to is me.
You see if I didn’t I’m not sure I could cope.
The last 4 years have tested me physically and mentally like never before. I have Lupus, Sjogrens, Reynard’s and Fibromyalgia. You don’t need to know what they are, just that if you wanted to know what that means, imagine going Christmas shopping for 10 hours in heels, then having a massive party night and waking up the next day with flu. That would give you a hint of the way it feels most of the time. So if I don’t lie to myself how would I get up?
I have to tell myself that I can do it, when I feel like I can’t.
I have to tell myself those steps won’t hurt, when they do.
I tell myself that I’m full of energy, when I’m struggling to put a pair of tights on.
I shout in my mind “Go for it Mandie, its mind over matter. And if you don’t mind it don’t matter.”
And when people say “How are you?” I say “Fine thanks, you?” That is not the British I’m fine when I know I’m not. That’s the I live with an illness that means I will pour medication down my throat every day of my life and I know that one activity too many can floor me for days. But I will not be dragged down by this and so I lie.
So I ask you, is that a lie?
Or is that protection?
Is that dogged determination to live life to the fullest and still respect my body?
Sometimes I wonder. Sometimes when someone who cares say’s how are you “I’d like to burst into tears and lean on their shoulder and say “I don’t want to do this anymore, oh woe is me, it’s not fair, rant, rant ,rant…..” But where would that get me?
A part from having people crossing the street to avoid me. I think that level of giving in is not good for you long term, you need to understand that we all need to know when to sob on a shoulder to someone and when to raise our heads high, suck our guts in, suck it up and say “Bring it on, I’m ready!”
I don’t have the attitude that some try to give me. “It could be worse” because that’s madness. Because let’s be honest it could be a lot better too.
I have the attitude that I can, and I will.
And sometimes I know I need to not lie to me and I have to listen to that voice that says “give it up Mandie, sit on your butt and accept life is over” As one helpful doctor once tried to tell me. Sometimes I pick up the phone to a friend and say “I need to talk.”I book myself in with my incredible friend and holistic therapist, Brenda Seaborn and let my body talk to Bren and let her fix it without my thinking. I know it helps and I let myself have those moments where I’m honest and I work out a new way to deal with things.
I bet you are thinking Mandie, you normally share work ideas, ways to grow my business or overcome my business obstacles and fears, how is this relevant?
Well ask yourself “Are you lying to yourself?” are there things that you are putting up with and allowing to be obstacles to your success?
As I like to say “If you allow that obstacle to stay, what are you agreeing to? What are you accepting you can’t achieve?”
Remember your brain is one big muscle and if you don’t train it to get the results you want, it will get flabby, out of peak performance reverting to negative automatic thought processes that keep you stuck.
So go on be honest with yourself and still have my attitude – “Raise your head high, suck your gut in, suck it up and say “Bring it on, I’m ready!”
(And if you are lucky enough to live in Essex or Suffolk, UK then you are lucky enough to have a try of Brenda Seaborn’s brilliance for yourself. Visit her website for more information http://www.banishstress.co.uk/ )