I’d love just a penny for every time I’ve been able to help someone achieve their big goals fast with the idea I’m going to share here. It is that recurrent that I’d be a millionaire a good few times over!
Often people looking to get somewhere in life arrive to have coaching and advise that they’ve;
And even transformed what time they get up in the morning and yet miraculously they’ve not achieved their goals!
What can possibly have stopped them, when they’ve put so much effort into achieving more?
And can you really share one thought and change a persons life?
The fact is that in a coaching conversation I’ve watched many a client have a look that is a mishmash of horror, elation, eureka and annoyance as they realise that it is this one thing that will define their chances of success. And that it has been stood in their way like a giant rock for years.
Here I share what that is.
And how to ensure you get the rocks out of the way of your ability to set powerful goals that get you where you want to go.
It can seem obvious that if you are looking to achieve big and get somewhere in life then you will take the time and money to invest in finding the best ways of achieving that. The issue with this is that your brain didn’t get the memo on what was supposed to work. Let me give you an example (I could give you thousands!);
A client says that they have been getting up at 5am because they read that this was the Golden Hour if you want to achieve big and it was laid out what you should do in this Golden Hour.
I asked “Is this working?”
They replied “well I am reading more and I’m learning, but I’m grumpy as a bear by the afternoon and rowing with the kids and don’t even get a cuddle with my partner in the morning”
I questioned “So, is it working?”
They answered “I suppose in some aspects yes but in most aspects no.”
“So why are you still doing it?”
They retorted “Because the book said it was good to do!”
I then asked them a personal question, unrelated to business, careers or success “Do you like the mornings?”
They laughed “Oh gosh no, I’m a night owl, I hate the mornings!”
So why were they going out of their way to utilise a system that relied on them going against the very fibre of their being?
When I raised this to them, they looked like someone had just thrown a bucket of ice cold water over them. It would obviously never work long term because they were fighting who they were.
Remember while these books are selling in their millions and these speakers are amazing, what works for one does not by definition mean it will work for you. You have to work with ideas, tools and techniques that play to the person you are. It is no good fighting who you are, eventually your brain will fight back, it never got the memo, it didn’t know this was the new way of working and it is not going to play ball.
(There is an argument that you need to stick with things to make your habits change and while I agree with this in principle if the ideas encourage you to stray massively away from the human you are it is highly likely you will fail.)
So how do you fix it?
Look for the things that resonate with you. If you hate things structured and like to be free flowing then look for ideas that empower you to think and work in that way.
Another great example is the client who had a big figure in their head that they wanted to earn.
And they were going to do it.
The only issue was that the journey was practically killing them. They were working stupid hours with little down time and their health, personal and social life was suffering, no big deal right? Short term losses for long term gains?
Except that this person performed the Values Exercise from my book Fight the fear – that looks at the 12 biggest fears that impact on success. And discovered that the top 3 values that matter most to them was actually caring about others, friends and exercise. Making money was right down the list at number 8! While it’s fine to go for a goal that is not your top value, you do need to still honour the values and the things that make you, you. When you don’t you can hit all sorts of barriers and road blocks to getting what you want, so don’t fight who you are, your brain just didn’t get the memo.
Big goals, bucket lists and ambitions. The problem is that while you are busy creating these plans so you achieve them, your brain processes everything you experience.
From the dog asleep by your feet, the trees moving just at the edge of your vision. The couple arguing in the corner, the coffee stain on the edge of your cup, the siren in the distance, the beep from your phone – everything.
Whatever is around you, your brain is processing it on some level. While in itself that is amazing it also means that you need to be clear on what you say to your brain. Not only is it processing every smell and sound it is processing every thought, belief and word you hear. That’s a lot! Filter out the stuff you don’t want and be careful what you allow in.
My Mum used to say “Treat advice like water in to a sponge, let everything in just wring out what you don’t want.” This is very apt for this top tip. When looking to achieve your goals people will share ideas, advice and books you “Must read!” Let it all come to you and then genuinely ask;
While many people love videos and inspirational events, if you prefer to be on your own with a good book or speaking one to one with someone which is more likely to help you understand the power of your brain, create powerful actions and work towards your long term goals in life?
Learn to wring out the stuff that is not relevant to you.
Your brain can process 400 billion bits of information a second and yet we only seem to be aware of around 2000 (Sources include Dr Joseph Dispenza and Encyclopaedia Britannica) So if this is true you need to be aware that what you want is not the only thing your brain is working on. If you want your goals to feature in the top actions to process you need to keep it simple.
For your desires to feature above anything else you need to make it something easy to remember and keep at the front of your brain. Reword where you want to be and what you want to achieve into 1 sentence. Make it a powerful sentence that enables you to “see” your goal. To achieve this you will need to break the goal down. (Which is important for the next top tip) Write down the answers to these thoughts;
When you’ve considered everything that could feature in your 1 sentence that summarises your goal, then look to create a sentence that does that. Make it a sentence with;
Great sentence choices could be;
By the 25th of September 2020 I will have achieved my goal to own a property in X town with 2 bedrooms at a cost of XXX
By the end of 2022 I will have earned an average of xxxxxx a month by increasing sales of my products by 33% incorporating more interactive marketing techniques that engage with a wider audience of 10,000 additional people online.
Notice these goal sentences have;
NB; (Ironic isn’t it that the brain likes it simple and to make it simple I have to explain this tip in more detail than any other top tip! However, what I’m doing is sharing with you a little of the science of why coaching works and how to get these tools in your every day life to power up your chances of getting where you want in life. So do take the time to go through this process.
Once you have your goal sentence go back to all of the words you wrote down for Number 1 and write down everything you could do to achieve that goal. At this stage this is not what you will do this is what you could do. By doing this you are stretching (not straining) your brain to think further than it would normally about your actions. The problem we have is our brain is processing so much that a lot of what it does is automatic (habit) and to create new powerful actions we need to break past that automatic way of thinking.
As I explain it to clients; You are going to start by telling me the obvious ideas and the ideas that you mull over at 2am but don’t do. You are also likely to share the ideas that you’ve spent months agonising to whether you should do them or not but something always seems to stop you. And after that we can fight through the assumptions of what can be achieved. Overrule the doubts and limiting beliefs about your abilities and get on to finding the real actions that will get you to where you want to go.
Then when you have a long list of things you could do, choose a maximum of 5 actions that you will do to achieve your goal. It doesn’t mean you won’t do more of the ideas on this list, just that at this stage you are creating priority to concentrate on a maximum of 5 goals.
When you’ve done the above top tip you need to then work out how you are going to accomplish those 5 actions (only ever have a maximum of 5 actions at any one time. For me I put them on a small 8cm squared post it note, because in this way I know I’m not overloading my to do list. The brain really hates it when you give it too much to process. It’s like trying to load a basket in the supermarket with a trolleys worth of shopping; stuff falls out!)
Break down those 5 actions. This is useful for a number of reasons, firstly it helps your brain stay focused on the action you are taking and the reasons why.
Secondly it also enables you to tick things off of your to do list. This always has a sense of achievement and makes us feel good. In fact clever scientists tell us that dopamine is released when we achieve something (however small) and our brains love a hit of dopamine. It is a neurotransmitter that our brain produces and enables us to stay focused, motivated and get things done. So by breaking your goals down you are rewarding your brain with a hit of the good stuff and that gives you the much needed boost to keep going. Especially if you are incorporating new things into your life that are challenging you to think and act in a new way.
Lastly when it comes to breaking it down you don’t need to write a list. If you are a lover of mind maps then create a simple version of this. If you love a spreadsheet – go for it. And if you like it visual draw it. Whatever you do make sure he 5 actions from the above top tip are broken down and visually near you so that you are able to keep focused on what you want.
Your brain may not appreciate the need to get on with the “Now” Goals but your success does. I’ve so often seen clients struggling to achieve what they want to because they’ve not factored in that little thing called life. For instance, you may have a big ambition but you’ve not factored in spending time with family and friends. Big deal right? Short term sacrifice for long term gains right?
While in principle I agree the fact is that while you power on to your big ambitions your brain is still busy processing that sulky look on your child’s/friends/partners/mum’s face that says “You never have time any more.”
And while you can justify that its “for the best”. In your head you can create this automatic subconscious process of thoughts that is all negative. I’ve seen clients realise that the reason they’ve not getting to where they want to go is because their brain has started to scupper their own success!
It has rationalised that if they keep working this hard the people they love will never love them again. They realise in their head there are thoughts like “My child/friend/partner/mum thinks I don’t care any more and they will leave me. I can’t afford to achieve this I could lose everyone!”
I’ve seen the same happen when redecorating the office/kitchen/kids room gets demoted for something else. Or when someone drops their weekly trip to the gym or yoga session. Both of these examples create negative emotions that subconsciously start to eat away at us.
So if you want to achieve big have a list of Now goals too. In my experience I help my clients prioritise the top Now goal and the top action for the big ambition. And they don’t move onto the next action on either list until both of the first actions are achieved.
I hate to say it but going it alone is going to make it harder. You want to find someone that is going to help you get where you want to go. And that is why a coach is so powerful. A coach is someone that will;
And a word of caution about your coach. If they do more talking than listening they are not coaching you. Your coach is there to help you process everything in your head, and that can’t happen if someone is adding more to your brain. A coach listens for over 60% of the conversation. It is an unusual conversation because the coach’s view is irrelevant, the only person that matters in the conversation is you. So if you aren’t getting that from the person you rely on to help you achieve your big goals, then they aren’t coaching you to success, they are trying to tell you how to be successful. And while mentoring and consulting have their place, to really get where you want to get in life you need to find your own answers. And hopefully in this article I’ve helped you do just that.
Do Let me know how you get on.
Do people really stress about Christmas?
You know one day in a whole year of days?
Did you stress about last Wednesday?
Or June the 22nd?
If you were walking into the biggest most important meeting of your career then being stressed, excited and just a bit scared was probably right, wasn’t it?
But for one day that doesn’t include any job interviews, big meetings and hopefully no trips to hospital then it’s not something to stress about. Is it?
If you forget the sprouts, Uncle Ted’s present or the matching napkins, no one is going to stress about it, heck it’s doubtful if anyone will remember one year on, so what’s the stressing for?
If you do find yourself stressing at Christmas here’s some things that could help and for the record, they work all year around to give you some stress free times, time management strategies, goal success and happier more successful life.
You may be the most amazing host but don’t think that means you can’t have help. Share the load. If you don’t want to share the cooking because you family could burn a pizza, what could you share? If anything family and friends love to be involved so share the load, it’s not your job to make Christmas perfect. The same goes for life, whatever you wish to achieve it is easier if you know you can trust others to take on some of the responsibilities and daily tasks to free up your time and head space.
Never is it more obvious than at Christmas (and in business) that we don’t communicate powerfully. You don’t share what upsets you, they don’t share what they don’t want to do, no one has told them that you want the washing up done (or not done) before the Karaoke and Charades begins. And so often the reason why is because we are scared of how we will be interpreted? We worry about what others will think of us. You won’t agree with everyone over everything, however clear communication enables everyone to feel respected, listened to and understood.
I remember the year I was 9 and a mouse short circuited the cooker so Dad spent most of Christmas afternoon trying to get the fried morsel out so we could get the Turkey in. I don’t remember the meal, I do remember my Nan getting stressed and us 3 kids and my Mum laughing. I do also remember the yellow plastic wardrobe I got for my favourite dolly, but I don’t remember any the meal at all – really important obviously! Perfect is not perfect. Perfect is stressful so don’t aim for perfect, aim for good enough and done. And in business I would say I see this practically every day “I will get it out there when we’ve just….” Or “I just need to do this and then I will launch it” Many professionals are the worlds best kept secret!
Concentrate on how you want to feel. For me Christmas is a month of pretty lights, 20+ year old decorations bought from around the world, late night shopping where you hardly shop just laugh and eat and lots of games and walks. My teenagers have already thrashed me (first time ever!) at a 2 week game of Monolopy and I’m now winning the 2nd game (I hid my money and property so they couldn’t nick any!) You get to decide how you spend your Christmas and if you can’t control which side of the family you are with or what you get to eat, you are in total control of how you feel. Don’t let others dictate that too. This is absolutely essential for every aspect of your life. So often we have little control but we can control our emotions.
I love a clean house I even love an immaculate office, everything in its place. But 8 years of illness so extreme I had to learn to like the occasional missed cobweb or go insane trying to ignore it, because I was too ill to do it for myself and funny enough 10 year old children aren’t perfect cleaners! I’ve learnt that no one looks back on life and says “Wow do you remember how clean the floors were?” So if you are running out of time, concentrate on what is really essential and now what you think should be essential. The two are different and learning this skill could make you very successful!
I can honestly say that if there was nothing under the tree I wouldn’t care very much. I’m not saying you need to be like this. What I am saying is that you need to know and honour who you are. For me I love looking after others and making their eyes light up with happiness. I feel I was put on this planet to make a difference and that makes me feel so alive and happy. Knowing how I feel about my role in life reflects itself on my actions at Christmas. I like to give to charity and to those that aren’t expecting a helping hand and I like to give gifts that have meaning. I’d rather spend 8 hours painting a picture for my Mum than buying something expensive that she is not sure she even wants or needs. Think about your choices for under the tree and how it represents the kind of person you are. For me as long as there is a hubby, a scruffy dog and 2 wonderful teens, I’m happy. You don’t have to be like that, but you do need to learn to honour who you really are. This is a fast track to professional success!
Most people dread the Christmas food shop, I don’t. I get my daft Christmas hat, the Christmas jumper that makes me look like a huge Marshmallow man and me and Hubby (Sometimes other family members too) hit the supermarket, grocers and butchers. There’s queues, there’s stressy people trying to take your heels off with a trolley and the more that happens the more we sing, skip and laugh. I’ve been in an over crowded veg aisle and sang Indiana Jones and squeezed through like I’m in the jungle on a life and death adventure to the milk aisle that is empty shouting “Mum, I made it, save yourself!”
At first people look around and ask “Whose the idiot?” but quickly most people realise how ridiculous we look clambering to get a sprout top and some red cabbage. I like to remember we are all human, going off to various homes around the country (and world) to smile, love and share. It never ceases to ground me and remind me of the big picture and heck if I don’t go home with brandy cream no one’s going to get hurt are they? In our lives we are often surrounded by others hype on what is important and what is essential. Don’t buy into this, find your own path and stick to it.
This is important for us all in every moment of our lives. When I’m coaching someone, sometimes we are dealing with really difficult and tough times for that client and yet before we’ve achieved anything together they feel better, how?
Because we changed their perspective on it.
And if worse comes to the worse and Uncle Ted doesn’t have a gift, you can’t buy Brandy cream, a mouse decides to fry itself in your cooker and your tree falls down, in years to come you will at the least be able to say “Wow, how resilient am I!? And that is something else we actually all need, to appreciate and know we have the ability to get through anything!
Merry Christmas and if you are thinking of coaching for you or a loved one for 2020 please note I’m nearly fully booked for January, however I’d still love to help. It would be my honour.