Fear. I spend my life talking about fear — fighting fears, fixing fears and understanding fears. And yet I doubt I get 10 calls a year from people saying “Mandie can you help me fix my fear?” Why is this so critically important to you?
The realization for me is that fear is not the fundamental driving force in your life it’s what regardless of whether I’m talking to a doctor, a teacher, a CEO’s, a senior citizens or teenager – every single one of those conversations has a direct correlation with your world.
Fear can range from the overwhelming desire to look away or stop in your tracks to literally fleeing your country and the life you knew. In this article, I will share you with 13 tips to face your fears and enjoy the ride.
I realized that while I can be thinking a thousand thoughts at once, I don’t suffer from overwhelm, how is that? How do you stop racing thoughts? And their impact on your success? In this article, I want to share how I silence my mind, create some space and why it’s so good to do personally and professionally.
She could hear her beautiful baby crying but was frozen in the doorway unable to move. The crying got worse and she knew that unless she comforted the infant soon the baby would be inconsolable, and yet her feet wouldn’t move. She didn’t look at the cot but the floor in front, where the venomous hairy monster sat before her…. .okay it was a UK spider so not likely to kill her at all, and yet still her body was frozen as the tears fell down her face. “What a useless mother you are” she berated herself.
That awful mother was me 14 years ago. My fear of spiders had not been controlled for years and I was at the stage where I wouldn’t open a newspaper until my husband had read it and removed the images of spiders. I hated houses that had wooden floors or skirting boards because every knot in the wood could be a spider about to crawl across me.
At the height of my fear, I tried to get out of a moving car. Clearly this harmless 8-legged creature had massive levels of power over me but now that fear is gone, I’m never going to love spiders but I’m not going to leave the room because of one and I can read the word without freaking out and sobbing.
If you think that fear is irrational, what about the fear of going to airports? Or the fear of not asking for help?
Today I want to look at how our irrational fears impact on us, how they can destroy (and I don’t use that word lightly) our success. They can damage our health and even stop us from living our lives. And then I’ll share the benefits of fighting that fear and most importantly how you can fight your fears too.
I’d love 1 penny for every time I’ve been able to help someone achieve their goals in life fast with the idea I’m going to share today. It’s that frequent that I’d be a millionaire a good few times over! You’ve read 100’s of books, watched tons of Ted talks, attended workshops and masterclasses around the world, invested in programmes, wrote a journal, changed your lifestyle, and even transformed what time you get up in the morning; and yet miraculously you’ve not achieved your goals.
What can possibly have stopped you when you’ve put so much effort into achieving more?
Can you really share one thought and change a person’s life?
In a coaching conversation, I’ve watched a client have a look that is a mishmash of horror, elation, eureka and annoyance as they realized that it is this one thing that will define their chances of success. And that it has been stood in their way like a giant rock for years.
Here I share what that is and how to ensure you get the rocks out of the way of your ability to set life goals that get you where you want to go.
Have you ever heard someone say “Me? I’m rubbish at mathematics!” or “It’s no good asking me I’ve always struggled with grammar”? These are two perfect examples of the chosen thoughts we allow to hang out in our minds that dismember our goals and our results.
So many of us enable the wrong thoughts in our minds and our brain is only too happy to deliver exactly what we ask for. The damage is caused when we don’t realise we’ve been asking for the wrong things.
You see, our brain is a clever old bunch of cells. It’s highly likely you’ve heard of the exercise where you are asked to not think of a pink elephant… and weirdly there in your head is a pink elephant! Or of Pavlov’s dogs, who could be encouraged to salivate just on hearing a bell ring. Even now I could say to you “Don’t imagine a lemon being cut in half and the juice being squeezed down your throat”, and you’d start to realise “Hey I’m producing more saliva”. How is that possible?
Because our brains WILL deliver what we ask for.
When it comes to performance we have to choose our words carefully. If you appreciate the above and accept that we are easily suggestible creatures, then by nature it stands to reason that I can give you some top tips and tools to help you perform better just based on what words you are choosing to think.
You see, if words can impact what your body does it can also impact the results you achieve, and the standard to which you perform at.
A new client sat down opposite me and offloaded (nothing new there).
But what was different was that no matter what I said or what coaching tools I used this person did not want to look at the things that they said was they wanted to work on!
How can you help someone achieve more when they won’t talk about it?
Over the course of two hours I asked so many questions to find out what they needed. As I coach I recap with my clients so they can see the journey we are on together. It is always fascinating, often enlightening and sometimes even a little nerve wracking as someone takes you into the depths of their mind.
By the end of the session this client had a plan of action that was in no way connected to what they said they wanted to deal with. While I’m quite used to people discovering the true issues in their way or the actual things that need sorting so they can get on with the big picture. This was a small part of their life and yet to them it was an obstacle that literally filled 2 hours and the client couldn’t see how to pass it.
When we deviate so far from what the client brings to the session originally I will bring their attention back to what they said they wanted to discuss and see what they think. This client blurted out “I didn’t want to talk about any of that!”
“I know” I replied. “How does that feel?” I asked.
They didn’t know. So I reminded them that if they didn’t feel they got any benefit from our time together then they don’t pay me (simple easy guarantee right?) They booked for 6 weeks time, I sent a coaching report and started to get messages…
I tell all of my clients they are welcome to get in touch any time;
This client started messaging me to say that the plan of action was in place and that they’d not met much objection from those that it would impact. (A good start right?)
Then they went quiet. I never panic about this, because if they go quiet I know they know I’m there for them and that I trust that they are more than capable of being amazing (I’ve plenty of evidence of clients doing amazing things to be confident in this). I’m just the vehicle to get them going, keep them focused and accountable and ensure they get there.
When I met that client for the second time, it was like I was looking at a shinier version. Before I could even take my seat they held my hand and said with a smile “I didn’t know what to make of our first session, because it wasn’t what I’d planned to talk about, but I now know why it was the way it was.”
This client went on to describe how much of life had changed since our session together. Not just in one area, but across the board. From family and social life, to dog walking and profit margins. Something had shifted.
“But how could big things come from something so small?”They asked.
It’s a good point.
The fact is that no matter what you want to achieve, no matter what you face – you will find your brain will create a ton of ideas. Some good. Some lousy. Some damn right ridiculous. All of them will play on your mind. Whirl around driving you crazy and little will move you forward. Our coaching session had enabled this client to step away from all of that (and a ton of other stuff) to find a starting point. And had we not dealt with the start first (obvious really) then they couldn’t have moved on to the big stuff they want to achieve.
ACTION; The next time you find yourself asking “What should I do?” Don’t just look for the big answers. It’s likely that what you really need to start on will be far smaller. But it’s the small stuff that we ignore at our peril.
I’m happy to have a chat about how I can help you. If your budget is tiny but your ambitions big I’ve courses and books that will fit and if you want to invest working with me this year. I’d be honoured to join you on your journey. It’s an exciting journey that I never tire of!