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Lesson 1 – Stop Looking Back

Many many times I’ve been working with a client who is looking to achieve more success, sales or business and as we have been wrapping up the coaching session there has been a tiny shift in their body language, or a micro expression, that has made stop the end of the session and ask “What is that about?”

And within a minute or two I’ve been able to draw out a confidence issue, and never dismiss the damage a confidence issue can have on your success!

You see you can have the best marketing strategy in the world, the finest mind, the greatest business idea or the best products however if you lack confidence it can have a way of sneaking into your mindset and damaging your success.

You can be in a meeting and you say one sentence instead of another.

You can second guess your figures.

You can let others override your thoughts.

You let others dismiss your viewpoints and second guess you.

You can change your focus and direction despite it not matching up to what you really want.

It maybe for only a second, however when it comes to your success, sometimes that it is all it takes to knock you off of your pathway to success. By looking at your confidence levels, and assessing your own attitude to confidence you are able to check and analyse your foundations to success.

Shall we begin?

Stop Looking Back

One of the reasons we lack confidence is because we may tell ourselves so many untruths and the worrying thing is we believe them! Let’s check what you are telling yourself;

Exercise 1

Think of a “something” you really want to do or achieve. (For instance, speak to a large audience about your business, go for promotion and talk to your boss about it, phone a company about your products.)

Think of your lack of confidence around that.

Write down the thoughts you have. What do you notice?

I wouldn’t mind betting that you tell yourself a lot of untruths.

Ask yourself questions like these;

  • Are the beliefs I hold truths or opinions?
  • Are they based on fact or fear?
  • Do I know this is true?
  • Am I guessing what could happen?

Whenever I work with a client they often tell me that they can’t do this or they can’t do that. And when I break down the thing that they say that they can’t do, it comes down to the words that they are saying and the untruths that they are feeding themselves.

***Big think moment***

So what are you feeding yourself?

Is it a can’t or is a belief that says you can’t?

NB;(You don’t have to change that belief in this module, you just have to know the answer to this question at this stage – I’m going to arm you with what you need to make the changes to your confidence, okay? So just answer the question in bold type and trust that we will work out a solution together okay?)

Is it the truth? And a good way to find out if you are feeding yourself a bucket of truths or a bucket of lies is to ask yourself if you are using past experiences to qualify your beliefs.

Do you have quotes that you can give me like:

“When I did this last time it failed”

“I’ve never been any good at that”

“I’m not the kind of person that does that”

All of the above assume that they are absolutely correct. Shall we examine them further;

When I did this last time it failed! Does that mean that every time you will fail? Have you done this all of your life and failed every time? That would be the definition of madness, and yet there are so many things you could do to avoid that without causing blame isn’t there? What about learning new skills for starters? What’s’ with the all or nothing attitude?

I’ve never been any good at that! A baby is no good at a lot of things, it’s a good thing they don’t come pre-programmed with lack of self-belief, isn’t it?  When a person changes their perception of their ability to learn they are able to learn. When I’ve worked with someone who says they are no good at numbers and we’ve broken down that belief (usually to a harsh school teacher from years ago!) numbers suddenly seem to get easier and suddenly they are able to make sense of their business and the money they want to make, weird right?

Not really, tell your mind what you want, spell it out, and you have to start by believing in yourself, so if you tell yourself you are rubbish at something, your brain will go all out to prove you right. Time for a new plan right?

I’m not the kind of person that does that. As a child you came home from school and bared your soul that you were petrified that you had to sing a solo, or read in front of the class, or run in the school sports day and  someone was there to say “It’s okay, you can do this” And then before anyone gave you any encouragement or guidance on “How to” you were given the self-belief. The “We believe in you” talk.

As adults we need to remind ourselves that we can do it, we are the kind of people that can. And if not us, who? As a coach I challenge my clients every day with those questions and I want you to remember them too;

1. I can do it

2. If not us who?

And my personal favourite 3,”someone has to be awesome, not you?”

Imagine from now on I am by your side asking you questions like this.

It is not going to be easy to stop looking back and I’m not asking you to do it from this moment in time. (Although that would be great wouldn’t it!) What I am asking you to do, is to notice what you say to yourself, and question what you say to yourself. What untruths are you saying?

Are they working for you or are they hindering you?

By understanding what you tell yourself you can start to reprogram your mind and power up your confidence.

By noticing the voice in your head it will really help with the other 4 modules in this course.

Now for magic wand time. This is where it gets fun!

  • November 15, 2016