What does a sad, down coach look like? And what does it have to do with you?
We all have down days, don’t we? Anyone that says they don’t is lying to themselves and those around them and that’s not healthy.
I was just posting to a confidential group about a plan of action we are working on and someone said these harmless in essence nice words “I can help out Mandie, just let me know how.” And as I read them, I burst into tears.
Where the hell did that come from, I thought?
Only to be completely unsurprised by my answers.
You see even coach’s have tough days, sad days, frustrating days, it’s just we tend to not stay there for long. I’ve spent over 25 years of my life working on personal development and emotional intelligence because I fundamentally believe it is the key to success. Everything else is put on the foundation of the quality of what you think, so it stands to reason we would work hard to ensure we are powering up thoughts (and actions) as much as possible right?
That harmless kind question threw me, because while my own life is hunky dory, literally (I know people’s hatred of that word, don’t worry, it really was literally) surrounded by Disney Princesses, mega successful clients and laughter and joy. Members of my family are going through some very awful times.
For one member of my family they are going through 5 of the top 10 things that are likely to cause stress in your lifetime and guess who they are relying on? Yes, me.
That is going to take its toll isn’t it?
But like so many of us, I now accept I’d buried how awful it is. I realised in the last few days I was wanting to hide, and now on reflection I realised I was starting to daydream about living on a desert island with a hubby a dog and some good books.
The thing is these situations are out of my control and I could actually lose this person that I love so much from my life due to 2 of the things they are going through. I feel helpless and frightened. None of those can be good for a person, right?
So, what can I do?
- I can accept I’m doing everything I can. (I’m getting told that by many people in authoritative roles at the moment!
- I can practice self-love and self-care. (We all need to know what that looks like, so have a bath at a random time of the day – heck in your lunchbreak! And really throw the rules out the window!) So today, work out what your own self love and self-care regime would look like – and no that’s not chocolate, wine and hiding under a duvet for 3 months! And yes in highly corporate environment coaching teams of leaders on time management, leadership and success we talk about this stuff too, because it matters to us all!
- I can ask for space and turn down conversations. When we are putting so much into others, we need space to process it and not to take on too much. In the past I was the worlds worse at saying yes to everything, so if you still find yourself doing that read Fight the fear, because there’s a whole chapter on how to say no (usually without having to say the word.)
- Learn to accept help. I sometimes have no idea how someone can help me, but by saying “Yes some help would be great, thank you.” Others tend to suss what they could do for you to lighten your metaphorical load.
- Trust and faith. There is a very real possibility that despite the hard work, determination and dedication of a lot of people we could still fail when it comes to my family member. I must hold on to trust and faith and believe that no matter what happens we will find a way through. In our darkest days these are driving forces for good.
- Lastly do the things you love – work hasn’t felt like work for years, and as such I love work. It is a great escape because when you are coaching it is like your own beliefs, thoughts and experiences disappear – it is in essence why coaching is so powerful because you bring no judgement or preconceived notions to the table enabling the coachee to really hone in on what matters to them (truly) and how to get it through the science of who they are. So, I can escape every day to a joyous place and remember the other 5 top tips I share with you.
One that is not available to you, is that last hour in bed every night with my hubby and our tiny fluffy hound, talking, reading and watching a box set. Where I know no matter what I have love, and isn’t that what we all want in the end?